ThikNjuCee 65 Posted January 6, 2013 Soooo I knew up front that I would have some nay Sayers when it came to my surgery. I expect the "easy way out" comments. But what I didn't expect was the hostility that I get from my son's father. Granted, we are no longer a couple....but we work in the same facility and see each other EVERY DAY. We have recently ( within the last two years) learned to be friends after being apart for 6yrs. We have spoken about me having the surgery and he said he would support me in any way I needed. He said he was " all for you being healthy for our son" . Now I've noticed that if I ask him to pick me up a bottle of Water from the store.....he brings back Pepsi (I've had no soda since Sept). If i asked for a piece of fruit or yogurt.....he brings me a pack of Ring Dings. At first I thought he was just being absent minded, but Friday we had this big blow out argument over something that had NOTHING to do with me or anything important....by the end of the argument he showed me exactly how he feels by calling me everything but the child of God....first choice being "fat b#%^h" come to find out (from someone else) he doesn't even want me to have the surgery because he is only attracted to BIG GIRLS! I honestly don't care what he is attracted to because unless he'll freezes over we will NEVER be a couple again. But if I am doing this for health reasons, how could someone be so selfish and try to sabotage what I'm doing because of what they like? Arrrrrgh???? I just had to vent........... 2 ProudGrammy and Ms skinniness reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ThikNjuCee 65 Posted January 6, 2013 Oh I forgot to mention he is 6'0 and weighs 350lbs and refuses to lose a pound Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lilbearzmom 584 Posted January 6, 2013 He's still in love with you. It's so obvious. 3 does not matter, ThikNjuCee and chitowngirl reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LifetimeLoser 208 Posted January 6, 2013 He is probably afraid of all the attention you will get. I am not a superficial person, but I accept that smaller people get "checked out" more than large people even if they don't have a very nice face. I've seen it over and over again. What you are doing for yourself is making him very insecure. It is very selfish of him, but I think it is also very common. They way you are right now is comforting for him. It is safe for him. Any sort of change...and this is a drastic change will stir up his oh so safe life. I mean think about it. You get the surgery, you eat healthier, you lose weight, you look better, you feel better, you have more energy. your self-esteem triples, your confidence quadruples. It probably scares the sh@t out of him to imagine what will happen when you are that way and he is STILL THE SAME! Forget about it and be strong. Just remind yourself that you are the most important person in your life because without you living everyday nothing in your life would be possible. Good Luck! 4 Ms skinniness, ThikNjuCee, gmanbat and 1 other reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tinarho 29 Posted January 6, 2013 He is insecure... 1 ThikNjuCee reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ThikNjuCee 65 Posted January 6, 2013 Well he def needs to get over it because we have been over for years.......as far as him being worried about me getting "checked out" lol he always had that problem because even as a big girl ive gotten "checked out" by male and female alike. I understand what you guys are saying tho. It just hurts to find out that the support you thought you had was never really there......just means I'm stronger than I thought, cuz if I can have a bottle of Pepsi in front of me and just hand it back without even a sip I CAN DO ANYTHING!!!! Lol ????❤???? 2 ProudGrammy and Ms skinniness reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gmanbat 5,889 Posted January 6, 2013 Many folks have a threshold in which self interest overrides compassion. In the case of many men, reaching that threshold is as easy as scratching their rear. 1 ThikNjuCee reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
notime 340 Posted January 7, 2013 As others have said, he is insecure. He is selfish and has also become unreliable. Perhaps it's time to depend less on him for drinks and Snacks, for one example. I know that is easier said than done, but it looks as though you are in this without him. I hope this works out for you. 1 ThikNjuCee reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Geminidrive 389 Posted January 7, 2013 You are giving him too much power, when you allow someone that you are no longer in a relationship get you riled up like this you are doing yourself a disservice. Now you know you can't ask him to bring you anything. Since you have a child together and you undoubtbly will be seeing him when he drops your son off, be proactive-make sure you have everything you need in your home for your Pre and post surgery. Most importantly focus on yourself and ignore his nonsense. Good luck. 5 chitowngirl, gmanbat, notime and 2 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ThikNjuCee 65 Posted January 7, 2013 You are giving him too much power' date=' when you allow someone that you are no longer in a relationship get you riled up like this you are doing yourself a disservice. Now you know you can't ask him to bring you anything. Since you have a child together and you undoubtbly will be seeing him when he drops your son off, be proactive-make sure you have everything you need in your home for your Pre and post surgery. Most importantly focus on yourself and ignore his nonsense. Good luck.[/quote'] I see him every day unfortunately....we work together.....and YES I have given him too much power over my emotions. I was only asking him to go to the store when it was too busy for me to leave my area.....we work in a clinic....I was easier for him to go out because of his position.....but from now on, if I don't have it I don't need it until I can get it myself. Thanks for the well wishes ???? 1 gmanbat reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ibehere10 163 Posted January 7, 2013 I am with @notime! I wouldn't ask for his help anymore. You do not need this extra stress in your life, you need support and caring people around you. 1 ThikNjuCee reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ballermom 803 Posted January 7, 2013 I understand how you feel. I just decided to not Be as dependent on my Dh at this time for food Choices. He brings fast food for the family some times. But We are strong! You have a great deal of Courage within you. You have come far. Now is your time to continue your walk in freedom. You are stronger! Girl you got this. Good luck! 1 ThikNjuCee reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ballermom 803 Posted January 7, 2013 And we all could probably relate. Those harsh word were meant to keep you dependent on him. Hoping to pull you Trigger Button? It didn't happen! Yay! But I'd get my own food. Take that mini break for you. You deserve it! And or bring a snack bag of that Water and items you like. You getting Diva Ready! After all, You would nt have him pick out that Diva Outfit that you planning to get would you? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gmanbat 5,889 Posted January 7, 2013 I will talk to you now as if you were my daughter: You are wonderful and a treasure. It is a priviledge just to be around you. If the man doesn't treat you with respect and kindness he disqualifies himself, he is unworthy. Deal with him as you have to for the sake of your child but give him no access to your emotional well being. Love yourself, darling, be good to yourself and expect others to do the same, you deserve it. 4 ThikNjuCee, Ballermom, 2013isit and 1 other reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ThikNjuCee 65 Posted January 7, 2013 And we all could probably relate. Those harsh word were meant to keep you dependent on him. Hoping to pull you Trigger Button? It didn't happen! Yay!But I'd get my own food. Take that mini break for you. You deserve it! And or bring a snack bag of that Water and items you like. You getting Diva Ready! After all' date=' You would nt have him pick out that Diva Outfit that you planning to get would you? [/quote'] Sure wouldnt! And I wont be going out with HIM either! 1 Ballermom reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
