Parent/Teenager Poll

[Yoda 0]

That's a great perspective Carol; I'm sure it was tough at the time but alls well that ends well!! Just takes longer for some to get there I guess.

Cloe: did u ask your daughter "why" she wasn't at school....what was so important etc? When you said the b/f was "mad" ....I hope you didn't mean mad at you but mad/disappointed in your daughter for the choice she made? If the latter, yes that is a good thing and may be helpful to your cause.

Good luck with the "key" episode...well I guess it already happened, eh? I hope it went alright and everyone is still in one piece. Yup, they can't have it both ways...have the responsibility and be treated like an adult (or almost one) and then act like they are 13......for sure. Be strong.

[CLOE 0]

Thanks for your story Carol, it helps to hear others experiences.

Yoda, ya the boyfriend wanted to know why she was skipping too, I guess he wants to know who she was with, ha!

I asked her why she was skipping, she didnt know, but apparently the heavens opened up to her now, and as long as we don't take the car keys away she'll stay in school. YA RIGHT, NOT!!!!

Unfortunately, he keeps asking her to move in with him.....idiot!!

So we asked for the keys and she refused, so my husband went out and removed the battery out of her car because she hasnt paid him for it yet, so technically it belongs to us. Ya so last night was a wonderous evening. Who knows, one day at a time. Dust Bunnies eh? Sounds good to me!!!!

[Carlene 12]

I asked her why she was skipping, she didnt know, but apparently the heavens opened up to her now, and as long as we don't take the car keys away she'll stay in school.

I have never found two better tools of discipline than car keys and a cell phone.

For everyone who is holding out and thinks 13 is too young to for a cell phone....let me just say that it cost us $10.00 a month to add Cheyenne to our plan and it has been worth 10 times that. She will do ANYTHING to keep from getting her cell phone taken away!

Parenting by bribery and intimidation. Oh well....whatever works!

[piercedqt78 658]

If she isn't with the boyfriend where is she? I hate to be the one to say this but have you considered having her tested for drugs? Have you tried talking to the boyfriend about her staying at home? Is he planning on her finishing school if she moves in with him? Can he support her? Is he really asking her or is she just using that to throw at you? I got married at 18, still in High School but I finished with High Honors, and then opened my own business, the business did very well until the marriage fell apart, I sold the business and divorced the ex. It was hard being in school and being married, I didn't have much in common with the other students, instead of thinking about prom and football games I was working and paying bills. I couldn't go to study groups, I had a house to clean and dinner to cook. I missed out on hanging at the mall and shopping with friends. I learned alot from the experience, and it made me a stronger woman, but I regret doing it. Does he want to get married or just live together? I would talk to him, without her around and see what his intentions are. ~Mandy

[Carlene 12]

If she isn't with the boyfriend where is she?

Good question, Mandy. Personally, I would not trust the boyfriend as far as I could throw him. He may be telling the truth about her not being at his place, being upset with her for ditching school, etc or he may not. Remember that the more he seems to be on your side, the more information you will share with him, thereby tipping them off to whatever your own plans are.

What's the age of majority in Canada? In the US it's 18. After that, you can kiss parental authority goodbye. Your only leverage becomes "my house...my rules". Good luck with THAT, since she has a standing invite to move in with the BF.

I would concentrate, for now, on getting her graduated from high school. After that, it's up to her. You can't make her go to college. If you bribe her to go, you are just going to drive yourself nuts trying to police her attendance, grades, etc.

Make sure she is using reliable birth control. A pregnancy is a huge complication, no matter what.

Good luck...

[j_war06 0]

I have never found two better tools of discipline than car keys and a cell phone.

For everyone who is holding out and thinks 13 is too young to for a cell phone....let me just say that it cost us $10.00 a month to add Cheyenne to our plan and it has been worth 10 times that. She will do ANYTHING to keep from getting her cell phone taken away!

Parenting by bribery and intimidation. Oh well....whatever works!

Just to throw this is in, if my parents were to have taken away my cell phone or my car keys my senior year, I really wouldnt have cared because that would have burdened them. Like, not the cell thing, thats no big deal, I would break mine and be weeks at a time without a phone, so that was no big deal for them to take it. But my car, if they were to take away my car, then they would have had to take off work and take me to school, and pick me up from school, and God only knows what hours because of play practice. I mean you cant miss that, then you dont get a recommendation for college. OR they would have to take me to do everything I had to do and they would have had to rearrange their whole schedules and punish themselves trying to punish me. I really didnt get in any trouble in highschool except breaking curfew, and I was grounded once for that, and it was my sophomore year. Im grown and live on my own and my parents still threaten to put me over there knee, which doesnt work for every kid, but it has worked on me my entire life lol! Discipline is such a hard thing to do because it is different for every kid, what my parents should have done to me is take away my TV, because I cant sleep without it, but I guess they never thought of that...

[missy4gordon 0]

Just to throw this is in, if my parents were to have taken away my cell phone or my car keys my senior year, I really wouldnt have cared because that would have burdened them. Like, not the cell thing, thats no big deal, I would break mine and be weeks at a time without a phone, so that was no big deal for them to take it. But my car, if they were to take away my car, then they would have had to take off work and take me to school, and pick me up from school, and God only knows what hours because of play practice. I mean you cant miss that, then you dont get a recommendation for college. OR they would have to take me to do everything I had to do and they would have had to rearrange their whole schedules and punish themselves trying to punish me. I really didnt get in any trouble in highschool except breaking curfew, and I was grounded once for that, and it was my sophomore year. Im grown and live on my own and my parents still threaten to put me over there knee, which doesnt work for every kid, but it has worked on me my entire life lol! Discipline is such a hard thing to do because it is different for every kid, what my parents should have done to me is take away my TV, because I cant sleep without it, but I guess they never thought of that...

Just my opinion, but I think I, as a parent, wouldn't look at it as a burden. It is my responsibility and job (as far as driving to school, etc.).

My boys are 8 and 2, so I may be eating my words in a few years. Wish me luck with that!!!

[j_war06 0]

Yeah, it is your responsibility when they are young like that, but if they are old enough to drive then it is a stress reliever. You dont have to be worried about being late work, or taking off early or anything like that. My parents went to work at about 7 am in the morning, and my mom would get off around 4 and my dad about 2. Not to mention my senior year I would have needed a ride to college and back. I went to school from about 9-12 my senior year, then college from 12-1:30 on M-R, and I got out at 12 on Fridays, so it would have been difficult to make those arrangements.

[Yoda 0]

ummmm....no public transport where you live?

Glad to hear u are still alive and well Cloe...Well, alive anyways!!!!

[j_war06 0]

The school buses dont run at noon or 9 am, they run till 8 am and from 3:30-4:15 pm

[argon 3]

I think she means buses, like normal city buses... the ones you pay for each time you get on.

[Yoda 0]

Yes, that is what I meant Mandi!

[CLOE 0]

Well Hello all.

We live in the country so the car thing is a huge asset for her, plus her idiot(I mean boyfriend) dosent have a car, so it screws them up when she isnt driving. I have been carting the kids around for 17 years, so I actually don't mind, it's kinda just what I do, not really a burden to me.

So here's the latest...... We take away the keys, manage to calm her down enough to stay home, at least for the night to think about everything. We gave her the car back yesterday to go to work only. So I go to the mall, where she works and took her a Timmy's Tea, because I wanted to, and talked to her a few minutes, told her I would see her at home later. So when I'm leaving I see her car in the lot, thought I would be nice and put a bottle of Water and a pac of gum on her windshield for her, she was off in about 20 minutes. So I go over to the car and notice the window cracked a bit, so I thought I'd just push the stuff in there. After shoving it threw I peaked in to make sure they fell into the seat and there's a F----n body in the back seat!!!!!!! So I scream, and everyone in the parking lot looks at me. Then I notice it's 'idiot'. So I'm saying what the hell are ya doing you scared the crap outta me!!! The guy is drunk out of his mind, telling me all this crap about his mother coming to get him or some kinda bull----. So anyway I left. My daughter called me later, and was laughing cause it scared me, and it was kinda funny that it scared me, but I'm thinking, gross, your in working while he's out getting drunk, NICE! Anyway, she came home after taking him home. I hope she'll get tired of all this soon, cause it's horrible!!!

[Carlene 12]

Cloe (and all)...can I share my latest teenage angst with ya'll?

My granddaughter is 14. She lives with me, by the way. Sees her mom maybe twice a month (briefly) and her dad much more infrequently). Her mom came over Halloween (no phone call prior to)because she wanted Cheyenne to take her little brother trick or treating and she got kind of testy because Cheyenne had about half a dozen kids over and she didn't want to leave them.

Anyway....Cheyenne has an idiot - I mean boyfriend - too. I didn't worry too much last year because he's a year ahead of her in school and he had to move up this year to high school (9th grade). But he has a (girl) cousin who is in Cheyenne's grade/school and lives about 2 blocks from him. So of course, Cousin L is now Cheyenne's new best friend. I let her spend the night with Cousin L one time and guess what happened? The two girls and about 6 other kids got detained by the cops for breaking curfew. They were "hanging out" down the street from Cousin L's house and the idiot boyfriend was one of them, of course. Earned herself 2 weeks of restriction - including no cell phone.

I have been careful not to bad-mouth Cousin L's mom/stepfather. Even though they are so trashy, it gives me goosebumps. The night of the curfew violation, I took Cheyenne back to Cousin L's to pick up her clothes, etc. The stepfather told her to, "Get your ass in the f___ing house and don't even think about coming out for at least a month." Really nice people.

I have refused to let Cheyenne spend the night with Cousin L since the sneak out incident. I just told her that I didn't think Cousin L's mom was willing to provide the degree of supervision that I'm comfortable with. Lots of pouting and slamming doors later, I'm hanging tough on that one.

But Cousin L spent last night with us. It was fine, although I'd just as soon not be seen out in public with this kid. She is 13 and at some point bleached her hair yellow blonde. Now she has about 6 inches of dark roots showing. She wants to dye it dark auburn but said they "don't have money for hair dye."

She also has her tongue pierced - something her mom went with her to have done. (She told us that her mom refused permission, however, to have her eyebrow pierced because she thinks it looks "gaudy". Go figure.)

Now I feel like I'm not just up against Idiot BF, but Cousin L, too. I am tired sooooooooo tired of hearing, "You hate all my friends!", especially since it isn't so. And truth be told, I don't hate any of them. I'm just not on the same page of the hymnal as their parents, when it comes to appropritate behavior, appearance, etc. I hate to sound like a snob, but geez....if you are known by the company you keep, my kid is going to be known as a big-time loser!

[piercedqt78 658]

Carlene, I can see why you have a problem with this girl, maybe if she spent a bit more time in a more stable home she would be better, happier? I know that I have a 17 year old niece that gives her parents fits, she's an angel at my house. Sometimes it's the home life not the kid. As for the piercings, I have my tongue pierced and it is barely visible. At least it's piercings and not home made tattoos. By the way it is illegal in most states to pierce anything other than ears on anyone under 18, even with parental consent. I am a body piercer by trade and know the law can be very strict. ~Mandy