Parent/Teenager Poll

[CLOE 0]

Oh, that is a great law!!! This same daughter went last January and had her tongue pierced, when we found out we made her take it out. But she laid out $80.00 for that. The guy that pierced it told me she only has to be 16 and basically told me to ____ off.

I'm sorry about your grand daughter, Carlene.

WHY DOES GOD MAKE TEENAGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[j_war06 0]

I think she means buses, like normal city buses... the ones you pay for each time you get on.

We dont have city buses, Im not from a city lol, its a town.

[piercedqt78 658]

Here if you pierce anyone under 18 you can be charged with statitory rape. Even if the parents are there signing the papers, a cop can press charges. Tattooing anyone under 18 is a felony in IL, it used to be 21 but they dropped the age to 18 and made the punishment for breaking that law much tougher. I have pierced a few under age kids, I know the parents and they were ok with it, but these kids were 17 and it was a navel. At least a piercing can be removed. Cloe, I bet if you call the police they will tell you a different age for piercing. Can kids there get their ears pierced at the mall at 16? I know it's 18 for that here too. ~Mandy

[HunnyBun 2]

I wish my mom was stricter with me. She let me get away with so much, allowed me to date a 23 year old when I was 14, a 20 year old when I was 15, and I got pregnant. I got a GED, but never was able to finish college. Now I live with my mom and I don't make much, but I do work, pay all my bills, have a new car, etc. My son's life is very stable and does well in school. I am very mature now, at 24 years old, and I realize how my mom could have prevented so much. I always did what she said, and I was always respectful of my parents, they just never figured to be stricter.

If they set some serious rules, like no dating, earlier curfew, I would have followed. I never got an allowence either, when I wanted something I had to ask my mom for it and she decided if she can afford it. That made me try to be a better kid most of the time. I guess my only problem were boys, haha, I mean MEN.

Now, when I think about a 20 year old dating a 15 year old, I think 'fu#$% pervert' and want to call the police. I still wish my mom would have called the cops on my ex, he doesn't even pay child support. He isn't around to be a father to my son. I don't even know where he is.

I am glad I never got into drugs or alcohol. Til this day I still have never been drunk. When I go out with my girlfriends, I have one or two drinks and never more.

I guess my point to all of this is, if the guy is 21, and she is 17, and if the law doesnt allow them to date, CALL THE COPS. He is 21, no car, drinks alcohol!!! Get her the hell away from him!!!!

[HunnyBun 2]

Hey Chicago Mandy, are you serious?? Statutory rape for piercing. I guess I could see the connection.

What kind of business did you have, if I may ask?

M

[KristiB 1]

I was doing all the sorts of things you are talking about your daughter doing. When I was in HS I skipped every opportunity I could. I did go to Junior College for a while, but only made average scores, and eventually got a job at a grocery store. I met my future husband there. We got married at age 23, and didn't have any children until age 27. I was unhappy with everything. My parents helped out a little to keep us afloat, but let me decide he was just the wrong person for me. I asked for a divorce while I was going back to college, which I started at age 29. I graduated, and now have a great job, making good money, and am finally happy. My parents did the right thing to mostly butt out, because I would have just been mad at them, and probably would have blamed them for a breakuup if they hadn't minded their own business. They began to actively support my daughter and I while I was in college, and helped me get on my feet. They did this at a time when THEY could telll I was serious about getting a better life for us.(my daughter and me)

I am now saving up to buy a house, aside from the lap-band payments, ha!! I am doing well now at 33. I know what sortof man I definitely do NOT want, and what sort of BS I won't take from any man. I am happier like this, even being divorced doing it on my own. The point is, there is still hope for college, and a future, although you may not see it now.

Another question....Isn't dating a 17 year old illegal? Especially if there are sexual relations? I know you don't want to even think about THAT, but its called statutory rape.

[Bettina 0]

:cry I need some advice. I won't get into too much detail but here goes. I have a beautiful, smart, 17 yr old teen daughter. She is in grade 12 and works part time. Up until about 4-5 months ago she was going to attend university and eventualy be a teacher. About 7 months ago she started dating a 21 yr old, who hasnt graduated, has a record, and lives on his own. He does however work, and seems to treat her fairly well.....The problem. She now skips school quite a bit, isn't studying, passing her classes but not trying, since buying a vechicle only comes home when we tell her she must. Now she is saying she may or may not go to university now, and anytime we give her tightened restrictions she just rebells and says she's been asked to move with her boyfriend and she's gonna leave. So I need advice !!

Mine did the same thing...same age..only the boyfriend was the same age too. (btw...I met my husband when I was 17 and he was 21 and we are married 22 yrs this feb!)

She was gonna be a doctor, got good grades, got a car. Boyfriend passing school....no car, no parental support.

She passed on going to a university....went to community college instead. Changed her major from medicine to International Languages....they broke up, she is sorry now she didn't go away to college instead of staying here. I supported her all the way, told her to just make sure she makes good decisions. Boyfriend is gone but I still have a great relationship with my daughter. I remember 17 all too well!!! I remember what its like to be in love. If you get strick---she will do what she wants without your blessing, and you may never see her again. Just be open an honest, I told mine that I thought she could make a better choice in a boyfriend, but that I also understood why she was attracted to him, she understood me and I her. I guess we agreed to disagree...lol.

She is now 19, and will switch to a better college when she gets her associates degree.

You know, english class is english class no matter where you go, maybe she can take her core classes in a community college....I myself am in college and want to be a guidance counselor, so I am up on this subject...lol. And, once in school, she will see a whole new life ahead of her and her attitude may change. My daughter was afraid to tell me that she changed her major, all I said was make sure you do something useful with it and don't waste your time. She was so relieved, she is so funny. She lives with my mom only 15 mins away, but it was good she got out. We get along so much better now. I do miss her, but she works in the same supermarket as my son, so I do get to see her, and she stops by the house. So.......you need to know when to let go (cause it is gonna happen anyway) and just be confident in the fact that you taught her to make the right decisions and that she is a good person.

Best Wishes, and you aren't alone!!

Take care|!

[piercedqt78 658]

Hunnybun, I owned a tattoo studio with my ex husband and have worked in another studio in the last 10 years. I love doing piercing but with a 5 year old working until midnight several nights a week just isn't gonna happen. I am getting a teachers aid certification first of next year, I want to work with special needs kids. I will still work in a tattoo place for the summer, and do some appointment only work for my regular clients. ~Mandy

[coltonwade 27]

Yeah, it is your responsibility when they are young like that, but if they are old enough to drive then it is a stress reliever. You dont have to be worried about being late work, or taking off early or anything like that. My parents went to work at about 7 am in the morning, and my mom would get off around 4 and my dad about 2. Not to mention my senior year I would have needed a ride to college and back. I went to school from about 9-12 my senior year, then college from 12-1:30 on M-R, and I got out at 12 on Fridays, so it would have been difficult to make those arrangements.

Sorry but parental responsibility doesnt stop when you turn 16 or only when its conveient for the parent . Yes it may make things easiser when your kids start to drive. BUT If you want to keep their butts out of trouble and inforce your punishment , trust me as a parent you WILL invocneinve yourself and rearrange your schedule . I WILL Make those arrangements if it means my son finishing school and inforcing a punishment I made and him learning a lesson

MIndy

[coltonwade 27]

I wish my mom was stricter with me. She let me get away with so much, allowed me to date a 23 year old when I was 14, a 20 year old when I was 15, and I got pregnant. I got a GED, but never was able to finish college. Now I live with my mom and I don't make much, but I do work, pay all my bills, have a new car, etc.

My son has 3 friends ( all 14yrs old) that are all very good friends of his. 2 of the friends are brothers and their mom is a single mom and works all the time. she works until midnight everynight . So they are home from the time they get off school until midnight alone, And every weekend alone. The other friends mom is a young mom like myself ( she had him at 17 ) however, she would rather be at her boyfriends house or out partying all the time than at home with her son .

SO all 3 teenage boys have NO Supervision on the weekends. All of them started coming to our house after the high school football games on Friday night . They all started hanging out at our house alot. One Saturday night after a halloween party we took the one kid home who's mom parties and he said " Man I dont want to go home and sit there alone again my mom's not going to be home" I said ' Why dont you just come to our house then " He called his mom and shes all for that ' . We now have all 3 of those boys ever weekened all weekend long. The mom who works alot asks me if its ok because she knows they are supervised. The other mom , well her son was at our houe Frinday Night and she didnt call to contact her son until 11 the next morning ! she had NO IDEA where he was. He tried to call but her cell was off. Anyway my point of all this is , these boys could do what ever the want all weekend long, but they would rather be at our house where they know someone is there to care for them and supervise them . Kids WANT and NEED supervision . These boys all have told me they like it where a parent is home.

Sorry that got long just thought ide share

Mindy

[Carlene 12]

Carlene, I can see why you have a problem with this girl, maybe if she spent a bit more time in a more stable home she would be better, happier? I know that I have a 17 year old niece that gives her parents fits, she's an angel at my house. Sometimes it's the home life not the kid. As for the piercings, I have my tongue pierced and it is barely visible. At least it's piercings and not home made tattoos. By the way it is illegal in most states to pierce anything other than ears on anyone under 18, even with parental consent. I am a body piercer by trade and know the law can be very strict. ~Mandy

I am not saying that Cousin L is a "bad girl", not yet, anyway. But she looks the part and she's only 13. I guess in Texas it's permissible to pierce a child's tongue if the parent is there to give consent. I question the mother's jugment, not the girl's. Every girl her age wants to push that envelope. Most parents don't encourage it, however.

[j_war06 0]

Sorry but parental responsibility doesnt stop when you turn 16 or only when its conveient for the parent . Yes it may make things easiser when your kids start to drive. BUT If you want to keep their butts out of trouble and inforce your punishment , trust me as a parent you WILL invocneinve yourself and rearrange your schedule . I WILL Make those arrangements if it means my son finishing school and inforcing a punishment I made and him learning a lesson

MIndy

I had complete freedom, could do anything I wanted within reason, my parents guided me, they didnt control me. I didnt do anything I wasnt supposed to do, I guess Im one of those kids that didnt really rebel, I knew that I was moving out and would be able to do a lot more stuff and it would be more fun when I was older. I didnt go out all the time, If I did I didnt come in late, if I was going out later than midnight I called and stayed with someone else. If I went to a party, I stayed there instead of trying to drive home. I just did what made sense to me and that was to stay away from drugs, dont have premarital sex, and if I drank then I didnt drive nor drank enough to get totally wasted or drunk for that matter. I didnt sneak out of the house, I didnt do anything that my parents didnt know. My rule is, if your parents wouldnt accept it then dont do it, especially in my town where everyone finds out about everything. I guess I was just responsible. I suppose you wanted my parents to quit their jobs so that they could taxi me around all the time...so they could not accept that I was getting older and needed to have a car to transport myself because they work full-time jobs with over time EVERY WEEK DAY...in fact I didnt have one car I had 2 just incase anything happened to the other. I havent turned out wild and crazy...YES I am in college, and YES I am your classic college student that parties all the time, but I am responsible with it. I get my stuff done, and Im enjoying being on my own and the freedom that it brings because I kept myself under control in highschool, my parents didnt have to.

[green 6]

In Canada the age of general sexual consent is 16, I believe, although the law will leave children of 14 and 15 alone if they are sexually active with people who are close to their own age: this leaves predatory adults out of the sexual equation for these individuals.

The minimum age for drinking in this province is 19 and the minimum age to vote is 18. The minimum age to drive a car is 16 but for the first 2 years after one has received one's license one must only drive when there is a fully licensed driver in the car. This change is a relatively recent one. I don't know what the laws are regarding minimum age and tats and piercings.

I have known a lot of mothers whose daughters started acting up when they became teenagers. Some of these kids went on to have children. Others of them straightened out and went on to graduate from university. The key seems to be to make sure that the girls are using birth control and will continue to use it. Two mums that I know both hauled their 14 year old girls off for abortions. One girl is now in university studying dentistry. She has won plenty of academic prizes, bursaries and medals. The other girl went off, got herself pregnant a second time, hid this from her mother until it was too late, and had the child when she was fifteen. The last I heard of her was that she dumped her boyfriend, is raising the kid with assistance from the government and is a good mother to the child. It is interesting to note that both kids were doing well academically and that both came from single parent homes.

I myself was a rowdy teenager. I got myself expelled from boarding school for smoking drugs way back when that was a real scandal. The nuns who booted me out prayed for me. I continued to be rowdy but managed to get through university. Now I am old and affluent enough to take early retirement but I am still not particularly well-behaved. I would have been a lousy parent, that's for sure!

When I hear stories of young women behaving badly, I never know what to think or say. It does seem to be a phase and it is hell for the parents. As to how to treat these kids and where they will end up, well, this probably the most difficult business that will get tossed in your direction as a parent. I do, however, think that kids need hands-on parenting.

[missy4gordon 0]

I suppose you wanted my parents to quit their jobs so that they could taxi me around all the time...so they could not accept that I was getting older and needed to have a car to transport myself because they work full-time jobs with over time EVERY WEEK DAY...in fact I didnt have one car I had 2 just incase anything happened to the other.

I think the issue about driving the kid around is based on a punishment that needs to be enforced, your situation does not apply since you were a responsible kid. This is about taking a car away for punishment, if that means inconvenience to me, so be it. I would do anything for my kids, tough love.

[Carlene 12]

When I hear stories of young women behaving badly, I never know what to think or say. It does seem to be a phase and it is hell for the parents. As to how to treat these kids and where they will end up, well, this probably the most difficult business that will get tossed in your direction as a parent.

Green...

What becomes of them depends on the choices they make. We can't force them. We can't police them 24 hours a day. I had several very good friends from church who were GREAT moms - better moms than I was - and yet their boys got mixed up in drugs and mine didn't.

My neighbor is the sweetest, nicest woman in the world. Her daughter is a wonderful Christian and a super wife and mom. But the son is 45 years old and never held a real job in his life. He is always "recovering" from drug addiction. Except when he relapses. Then when he's half dead he calls his mom up and comes back home to "recover" again. He has drained her dry financially. She is 75 yeas old and all her credit cards are maxed out. She can't afford to have her teeth fixed. At least her (second) husband was an attorney and smart enough to leave her money in an annuity, otherwise the worthless son would have gone thru it all by now and they would have zero to live on.

My daughter had some friends who came from terrible homes - little to no supervision, no consistent consequences, no moral understructure, awful parental examples, etc. Some of those girls turned out 100 times better than my daughter.

I beat myself up over my daughter's lifestyle for years. Finally, I stopped. She's 34 years old and if she hasn't pulled it together by now, shame on her.

In the end, it's up to them. We give them the tools and the instruction manual and the rest is all in how well they use them. If they throw them out the window, THAT'S NOT OUR FAULT.