Mom freaked out

[lisah25 3]

You won't be able to buy life insurance, I found that out first hand! Go figure, here im doing someting to make myself healthier and now I don't qualify for life insurance! But if I would have stayed more obese then I qualify?? makes no sense. I think if you plan on working for someone, you will qualify under the group plan. But if you plan on getting your own private insurance somewhere you probably won't qualify. Thats just my thoughts though.

Actually, that not always true. DH and I got life insurance last year, a year after his banding. And the premium isn't any higher then it would have been had he not had surgery. In fact, we couldn't get him covered in the past because of his weight. It must vary by company.

[Dani_d 0]

My mother started crying when I told her I was planning on having surgery. However, now that i'm within 30 lbs of my goal, she is very happy for me, although still claims she doesn't "agree" with the surgery option. You may find one can still be supportive but disagree.

[Woodys 0]

Laurend: Half the battle is won already.....the fact that you have recognized what your Mom does to potentially sabotage your efforts at weight loss is a very good start. You have recognized her not so worthy efforts and you understand the consequences if she succeeds. If she has a weight problem then that HER problem, not yours....and shame on her!

Carry on with your insurance research, find out exactly where you stand, what will they cover, what you have to pay, etc. Tell your parents that this a done deal and your decision will not be swayed in any direction but YOURS! The more you reinforce this with your Mom the quicker she will GET IT and hopefully resign herself of the fact that you are doing this and there isn't anything she can do to change your mind.

Carol

[coltonwade 27]

My mom was against it at first too. She is accepting of it now and supportive of it now. But im some what ticked on how she came around. LOL . We see the same OB . I have seen her since i was 16 when i had my son , so my mom trusts her ALOT as do I . Of of my mom's first words when i told her about having surgery was " What does Dr B think about it ? I told her I dont know I havent told her yet. She told me " I would feel better if she oked it" I honestly think she thought she would be against it . WELL I Saw her last week , I told her I was going to have it and she stood up and clapped and said " GOOD FOR YOU GIRLY " LMAO I wasnt expecting THAT reaction but great. She said " I'm all for it I know how hard it is for some of my pts with PCOS to loose wt and i have lots who have done great with the band , I say go for it " . SO I tell my mom what she says , my mom says " OH OK I feel better about it now , So when are you having it done ? " She wouldnt say 2 words to me about it before. I understand wanting to get the " OK "from a doc but Does she think im an IDIOT and not going to make sure this is safe... ect ? PARENTS UGHH > Long story longer, ,,,, lol hang in there she might come around. Might not come around the way you hoped, or liked but she might come around !

Mindy

[anonemouse 1]

Here's an update on my situation.

My mom seems to feel a little better about the surgery since she went with me to the seminar. My dad is still totally against it, but I think he will support whatever I decide. I have talked to my PCP, and he supports me and is writing a letter to my surgeon's office that they will send to insurance. I have an appointment tomorrow with my endocrinologist and an appointment on Friday with the nurse practitioner at my GYN's office that ran my weight-loss program. I plan on asking both of them to write letters for me. I figure, the more people speaking up for me, the better.

[coltonwade 27]

That all sounds promising . I hope everything goes well.

I didnt take my mom to the seminar with me , im not sure how much of a difference it would have made or not ?

Im glad your mom is coming around. I bet your dad will too.

Good luck , keep us updated

Mindy

[juliegeraci 7]

Go to the seminar by yourself if you mom is not willing to support you. It will change your life when you are banded. You will view food totally differently because your hunger will go down. I had a Protein Shake this a.m. and 1/2 of a chicken enchilada for lunch. I can't eat anymore so when the food pushers in my family come around there isn't a way to even try. You will throw up if you overeat. Get the support through your doctor. Some have support groups. Mine does. In addition, keep in mind that you most likely will have to meet with a nutritionist and a phsyciatrist before surgery. They leave no stone uncovered. Hopely the nutritionist you see will have some experience with banded patients. Check with your doctor, they typically have a list. Good luck!

[Veggestyle 0]

Good Luck with everything Laurend. I am still dealing with my family being unsupportive, and my surgery is only 10 days away now! Actually, just tonight my mother said to me "you know you dont have to go through this..." It is difficult when family isnt supportive, but it is important to find some form of support, this board is great and i am sure your hospital will offer support groups as well! Best Wishes!

[housecatgirl 0]

I understand completely!! My mom freaked when I told her I had weight loss surgery....then she double freaked when I told her I had it in MX. This may be one you gotta go alone but she'll get used to it once you're banded. Anyway, you are not alone...you have all of us on your side.

[Wheetsin 714]

My mother always blamed herself for my weight gain, even though I was out of the house & married off before it became an issue. She wasn't thrilled with the idea of my surgery because she was sad that it had "come down to that". She wished I could have found another way. She & dad drove down to the hospital to be with DH and I when I had my surgery. I didn't know this at the time, but she cried for hours the night before my surgery. Mostly tears of misplaced guilt, I believe. A few of fear. We both know sisters who were banded several years ago, and one has had some sognificant issues with her band that have lead to other problems including extreme (from size 36 to a loose 0) weightloss. And a few tears because she was afraid that it was a pure desperation move on my behalf. She never vocalized it, but she wished I wouldn't do it.

Now that she sees I'm getting myself back, sees the changes in my personality, and my body... sees that I can get down & up again from the floor without any effort, and that I can rup up and down the stairs & still breathe... and most importantly that I'm still healthy, able to eat wholesome foods, and not having (yet) complications, she's thinking about the band herself.

At the same time she has a lot of the issues you share about your mom. She is overweight, though I was by far the largest. She told me once, "If you do this and lose weight I'm going to be jealous." It always gave her a measure of comfort to not be the fattest one in the room, I'm sure, even if it caused her horrible guilt at the same time. We visited my parents last weekend and mom brought out all the food she had bought for me - Cookies, ice cream, chips. She meant well, but I told her I don't eat that stuff any more, and even when I do it's 1 cookie, not a box. She keeps insisting that, "With no more than what you eat, a few Cookies isn't going to hurt you" or "You can use real butter, you need some more fat in your diet."

She means well, but she too struggles with her proverbial demons. As does your mother.

Have you tried a real heart-to-heart with her?

[Altalomaguy 0]

I know exactly how you feel. For my graduation from college with my bachelors degree(Administration of Justice) my parents asked me if I wanted a new car one day. I was pretty flabbergasted as we aren't a rich family by any means, but turned around and said, "no, but I would like a lap band which would be about the same!" and explained everything I had researched about it.

They were going down the, "you need to try harder" path until I pointed out that I'd failed every time but that didn't seem to have an impact. They didn't have a good comeback for the 95% plus failure rate of diets in general. I think the problem for them is that while they were both overweight it wasn't by very much. I on the other hand am morbidly obese and they just don't seem to get it. My back hurts, my joints are grinding themselves to dust, and ya know, I'd like to be able to see my manhood once in a while. :phanvan

In the end my four years of work got about $100 in gift certificates, and they bought my brother who did six weeks of work to become a CNA a car, and are now getting him a computer. I've decided I'm simply not going to talk to them about it, nor ask them for help with it. I will inform them when I'm about to have it(no date yet), because all surgery involves risk.

I also know what you mean about someone enabling you. My fiance and I had an argument this week when she brought home candy that I love, soda, Cookies, and ice creme. She actually bought one of each of those things that she likes and a set of those things for me. The problem is she gets diet stuff and I hate low sugar diet food or diet soda so she bought me normal Snacks and soda.

When I told her that I appreciated the gesture , but she really shouldn't have she got really angry like I was rejecting it, and I tried really hard to explain nicely what I meant. Then she asked me if I just wanted her to throw my stuff out, and I said yes. OH BOY was that the wrong thing to say! After she cooled off though I think she understood that while I could control myself from going to the store to buy bad food when I had it in the kitchen waiting for me I just couldn't help myself. :think

[anonemouse 1]

My parents seem to have come to the conclusion that I will be doing this whether or not they agree with it. I have done my research and I fully believe that this is the right choice for me. My track record with diets is horrible. I do fine for the first couple of weeks, but then I get hungry and eat anything in sight. I always gain back everything, plus a few pounds. Luckily, my brother seems to support my decision. He is asking the surgeon that his girlfriend works for to look into my surgeon, though. He is just really protective, I think. He has always pressured me about my weight and my health, so I think he is just relieved that I am doing something about it.

[Randi 0]

Laurend,

I find that many people think only one kind of WLS exists -- gastric bypass. And, when you attend the seminars, the pictures are usually static and some people still don't quite get a good understanding of the lapband. So, my contribution to gaining more parental support is an actual live video of the surgery being performed. Here's the link; I hope you find it helpful: http://www.or-live.com/distributors/NLM/rnh.cfm?id=194