Mom freaked out

[anonemouse 1]

I told my mom I wanted her to go to a surgery seminar with me. When she found out that the seminar was for weight-loss surgery, she freaked out. I kept trying to tell her that it was just a seminar, that there wasn't any requirement to go through with the surgery after the seminar. She thinks it is too expensive, too drastic, etc. I wish she would realize that I AM FAT. I have BEEN FAT for years and years. Every time I diet, I wind up weighing more than when I started the diet. I am already having health issues.

I really hate to say this, because she is my mom and I love her, but I really think she tries to sabotage me whenever I do go on a diet. When I am not on a diet, she tells me that I can't go on eating like this, that I need to lose weight. But whenever I am on a diet, she is all, "Come try this [insert fattening food], it is really good." I keep telling her, "No, I don't want any, I'm not hungry." She keeps saying, "C'mon, just try it!" Sometimes, I think she subconciously doesn't want to be the fattest person in the family, which she would be if I lost weight.

I really want to do this, but I am still dependent on my parents because I am a full-time grad student. I think I have enough money saved up to pay for any costs the insurance company won't cover (as long as they cover the majority of the surgery), but I really need their support. My mom wants me to talk to my brother's girldfriend, who is a nutritionist for a bariatric surgeon. I don't want to talk to her, I know it would probably get back to my brother, and therefore the entire family. I am a very private person, and I seem to only be able to talk about things like this with people I don't know.

[Kat817 19]

Anonymity does indeed make it easier sometimes!!! Go to the seminar alone if you must! Speak with your insurance and your PCP. Keep reminding yourself you are doing this for YOU and your health!! You state that she would then be the biggest in the family...well if you don't make changes, then when you reach her age the weight will still be an issue. Do not waste your life (or maybe not waste but expend unecessary energy on) fretting over your weight. Take control NOW. It is my only regret with the band, that I didn't do it years ago.

Good Luck to you, hang out here, it is an awesome support group of people--you will come to love it here!!

Kat

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

I understand you want your mom to support you, but you may have to ultimately make the decision without her support. I am sorry that she is so unsupportive. I am sure as a mom the surgery part scares her to death, and she would rather say the obvious things that she is saying rather than saying "it scares me". My mom was freaked out, and still is a bit. But now she sees I did the best thing for me. And in the end, that is what you HAVE to do, think of YOU first!

[Joyful Day 0]

I know how you feel. I was always the 'small' one in the family and now I am FAT and I still am the small one so noone in my fam. thought I should have surgery. Well, I am still doing it, for me. Now that I have been going through the process, they have been coming around.

You can do it...and if you have to, do it alone. This is for you and your health. You have good support here:)

[coltonwade 27]

I told my mom I wanted her to go to a surgery seminar with me. When she found out that the seminar was for weight-loss surgery, she freaked out. I kept trying to tell her that it was just a seminar, that there wasn't any requirement to go through with the surgery after the seminar. She thinks it is too expensive, too drastic, etc. I wish she would realize that I AM FAT. I have BEEN FAT for years and years. Every time I diet, I wind up weighing more than when I started the diet. I am already having health issues.

I really hate to say this, because she is my mom and I love her, but I really think she tries to sabotage me whenever I do go on a diet. When I am not on a diet, she tells me that I can't go on eating like this, that I need to lose weight. But whenever I am on a diet, she is all, "Come try this [insert fattening food], it is really good." I keep telling her, "No, I don't want any, I'm not hungry." She keeps saying, "C'mon, just try it!" Sometimes, I think she subconciously doesn't want to be the fattest person in the family, which she would be if I lost weight.

I really want to do this, but I am still dependent on my parents because I am a full-time grad student. I think I have enough money saved up to pay for any costs the insurance company won't cover (as long as they cover the majority of the surgery), but I really need their support. My mom wants me to talk to my brother's girldfriend, who is a nutritionist for a bariatric surgeon. I don't want to talk to her, I know it would probably get back to my brother, and therefore the entire family. I am a very private person, and I seem to only be able to talk about things like this with people I don't know.

Maybe you Should talk to her and have HER talk to your mom about the surgery ? Kind of sounds like she truest your brothers girl friend if she's wanting you to talk to her. So if she heard what the surgery is about and how safe it is ect from her it might help ?

I agree with what someone else said, talk to your insurance company , see if they will pay for the surgery . I first was dependening on my parents( as always) to cosign a loan for me . I SO DID NOT Want to have my parents in on this to once again have them bail me out on something. I asked they basically ignored and Imvoed on . I got a job cleaning houses saved up $3000 in 2 months THEN our company took off and i'll have my surgery in December. Its goign to feel SO GOOD to FINALLY not have to depend on my parents for something money wise for a change . And im a grown woman marreid with kids. Dont depend on or wait for your mom's approval for this just DO IT . and like i said maybe your brothers girl friend might help the process.

HTH Good luck

Mindy

[anonemouse 1]

To be honest, I am not sure what my brother's girlfriend knows about the surgery. She works for a bariatric surgeon, but I believe he only does gastric bypasses. I think she would try to talk me out of it, also. I like her, but even though she is a nutritionist, she is one of the super-thin nutritionists who has never been fat in her life. Even though she works with fat people every day, she still doesn't fully understand what they go through.

[cahuber 0]

Your mom sounds like so many people that mean well but don't understand the fat person's psyche. They really don't know how to be supportive. As an example, my DH tries so hard to be supportive but often brings home Cookies or candy from work (he is a district manager for 7-eleven). He knows I love that stuff and in his heart and mind, he is only giving me what I love. I think I may have been successful in helping him to understand that I need his help to protect me from those foods that I love (because the weight they cause could well kill me).

I couldn't tell from your picture ... are you 'of age' to make the surgery decision on your own? Sorry, no offense meant by that question. If you are a minor, that makes mom's concerns a bit more valid. If you are an adult, then her opinion is exactly that ... an opinion. Value it because she is your mom. Do the research; be absolutely sure of your decision and what it means and then do whatever is right for you.

[anonemouse 1]

I couldn't tell from your picture ... are you 'of age' to make the surgery decision on your own? Sorry, no offense meant by that question. If you are a minor, that makes mom's concerns a bit more valid. If you are an adult, then her opinion is exactly that ... an opinion. Value it because she is your mom. Do the research; be absolutely sure of your decision and what it means and then do whatever is right for you.

I am 23, so I can make the decision without their input. The problem is that I am covered under their insurance until next August. I think I could arrange to have all bills for anything the insurance doesn't cover sent to me, though. I hadn't thought of that.

Now the only thing I am worried about is whether or not I will be able to get insurance of my own in August if I go ahead and have this surgery. My brother's girlfriend has said that she has patients who couldn't get insurance once they had weight-loss surgery.

[coltonwade 27]

Now the only thing I am worried about is whether or not I will be able to get insurance of my own in August if I go ahead and have this surgery. My brother's girlfriend has said that she has patients who couldn't get insurance once they had weight-loss surgery.

You could possibly get insurance , but you would have to pay more and anything having to do with your band wouldnt be covered.

What about a loan ? Also you said you had enough money saved up to cover what insurance might not cover ? Would that be enough to maybe go to Mexico ? I totally understand how you feel though. My mom THINKS she's being Supportive but she's not . I got the " its an easy way out , you havent done enough on your own to loose the wt, I Would feel better if you did this , this and this ," But in the long run it basically boiled down to my mom was scared becuase she didnt have enough info on the surgery and she was scared because it was surgery . She's still not too keen on the idea but she doesnt say negative things anymore.

HTH

Mindy

[Road Queen 0]

I don't think lapband surgery would influence insurance like bypass does. It is not as drastic and reversible.

I have purchased international health insurance and received a medical clearance to live overseas (in a country without a US approved dr) with my band.

Good luck in your efforts. Celeste

[Auntie Aud 0]

I told my mom I wanted her to go to a surgery seminar with me. When she found out that the seminar was for weight-loss surgery, she freaked out. I kept trying to tell her that it was just a seminar, that there wasn't any requirement to go through with the surgery after the seminar. She thinks it is too expensive, too drastic, etc. I wish she would realize that I AM FAT. I have BEEN FAT for years and years. Every time I diet, I wind up weighing more than when I started the diet. I am already having health issues.

I really hate to say this, because she is my mom and I love her, but I really think she tries to sabotage me whenever I do go on a diet. When I am not on a diet, she tells me that I can't go on eating like this, that I need to lose weight. But whenever I am on a diet, she is all, "Come try this [insert fattening food], it is really good." I keep telling her, "No, I don't want any, I'm not hungry." She keeps saying, "C'mon, just try it!" Sometimes, I think she subconciously doesn't want to be the fattest person in the family, which she would be if I lost weight.

I really want to do this, but I am still dependent on my parents because I am a full-time grad student. I think I have enough money saved up to pay for any costs the insurance company won't cover (as long as they cover the majority of the surgery), but I really need their support. My mom wants me to talk to my brother's girldfriend, who is a nutritionist for a bariatric surgeon. I don't want to talk to her, I know it would probably get back to my brother, and therefore the entire family. I am a very private person, and I seem to only be able to talk about things like this with people I don't know.

Laurend,

I completely understand what you are going through. I too have a loving mother who would freak out every time I talked about taking drastic measures to reduce my weight. But when I would turn down something extremely fattening, she too would go the "you have to try this" route.

When I went to the initial seminar, I called her. I was excited to share the information, and the only thing she focused on was that I had said that I would have to end my non-stop soda drinking. She said to me that since I drank so much soda, this might not be the best option for me.

I explained that I thought that giving up soda was well worth the benefits that I would gain by having the surgery. Every time we talked, she would pick another small reason that I should not have the surgery.

Then one day I told her how high my blood pressure was. It scared her. And, it helped her turn the corner and see what I had been saying for years.

Two weeks before my surgery I flew out to visit her. She was so extremely supportive!

The reason I shared this with you, is that I think that if you continue to share the benefits of the surgery and how it will help you improve your health, your mom too may turn around and become supportive. It will also allow her to see that this is something you have carefully researched and are serious about.

Best of luck to you!

[KariK 0]

You won't be able to buy life insurance, I found that out first hand! Go figure, here im doing someting to make myself healthier and now I don't qualify for life insurance! But if I would have stayed more obese then I qualify?? makes no sense. I think if you plan on working for someone, you will qualify under the group plan. But if you plan on getting your own private insurance somewhere you probably won't qualify. Thats just my thoughts though.

[anonemouse 1]

What about a loan ? Also you said you had enough money saved up to cover what insurance might not cover ? Would that be enough to maybe go to Mexico ?

HTH

Mindy

I think my insurance will cover the surgery, but it has a history of not covering stuff 100%. For my mom's knee replacement surgery, for example, it only covered around 80%, and she had to have the surgery or be put in a wheelchair. Of course, I don't know if that was their usual practice for every surgery, or if it was just because the doctor wasn't a participator in their insurance program (don't know if he was or not). I have found several bariatric surgeons that do participate in my insurance program, so I am hoping to get it covered 100%. I am just hoping they consider my health conditions that are caused by my weight to be severe enough to cover it.

[coltonwade 27]

. I have found several bariatric surgeons that do participate in my insurance program, so I am hoping to get it covered 100%. I am just hoping they consider my health conditions that are caused by my weight to be severe enough to cover it.

Normally I have found that insurances cover 80% of surgeries .

So that might be something for you to plan on .

HTH

Mindy

[Veggestyle 0]

Dear Laurend,

I totally understand what you are going through. :faint: My family is very against me having the lapband surgery. They are so skeptical of it, and the more info. I give them, the more upset they get. It has actually become a hot button were I can't really ever discuss this with my family. It is refered to as "that surgery." Be confident that this is the right decision for yourself, you have to live your life, despite what others say. Trust me, I know that can be very difficult to do. Some people can't, or wont understand...Best wishes...