mommy issues

[juny 93]

My process to getting this surgery started last May. I'm coming up on my surgery date of feb. 5. I have preop appointment on the 23rd. I'm anxious. I'm bracing myself for a very difficult few months while simultaneously hoping for the best outcome. Getting myself to this point has been a challenge, one I think we all know really well. I haven't gained all my weight back from my 6month supervised diet, but I have gained about 8lbs, out of the 35 that I lost. So I'm stressing a little about that. I'm having increased anxiety about the fact that I'm getting little or no support at home. Today we made the calendar this month and put the dates on for my doctors appointment, my mom did not appreciate this at all. Her only words to me in regard to the surgery now are, 'you're going to be sorry.'

I wish it didn't hurt as bad as it does to have someone I'm so close to so vehemently disagree w/ what I'm doing.

This is a little off the path but bear with me: When you have friends/family who are going to buy a new house/car, you come over they show it to you or they bring you along on the open house.....They aren't asking for your permission to buy the car or to validate your wisdom on the purchase. You're there to coo over their new stuff and maybe give ideas about what you can do w/ the house upon purchase to make it even better! Even if it's not the nicest house, or in the nicest neighborhood, or if the car is used, it's not your job to tell them they were stupid or could have done better or YOU'RE GOING TO BE SORRY.

It's clear she's not going to support me regardless of the outcome. It's just making the difficult stuff even harder and being at home w/ her is just making it worse. I really didn't want to be the person w/ the mommy issues.....I'M TOO OLD FOR MOMMY ISSUES!

I just need to get through the next month or so....I really don't know how I'm going to do it, I just am.

[CoCo41 54]

My process to getting this surgery started last May. I'm coming up on my surgery date of feb. 5. I have preop appointment on the 23rd. I'm anxious. I'm bracing myself for a very difficult few months while simultaneously hoping for the best outcome. Getting myself to this point has been a challenge, one I think we all know really well. I haven't gained all my weight back from my 6month supervised diet, but I have gained about 8lbs, out of the 35 that I lost. So I'm stressing a little about that. I'm having increased anxiety about the fact that I'm getting little or no support at home. Today we made the calendar this month and put the dates on for my doctors appointment, my mom did not appreciate this at all. Her only words to me in regard to the surgery now are, 'you're going to be sorry.'

I wish it didn't hurt as bad as it does to have someone I'm so close to so vehemently disagree w/ what I'm doing.

This is a little off the path but bear with me: When you have friends/family who are going to buy a new house/car, you come over they show it to you or they bring you along on the open house.....They aren't asking for your permission to buy the car or to validate your wisdom on the purchase. You're there to coo over their new stuff and maybe give ideas about what you can do w/ the house upon purchase to make it even better! Even if it's not the nicest house, or in the nicest neighborhood, or if the car is used, it's not your job to tell them they were stupid or could have done better or YOU'RE GOING TO BE SORRY.

It's clear she's not going to support me regardless of the outcome. It's just making the difficult stuff even harder and being at home w/ her is just making it worse. I really didn't want to be the person w/ the mommy issues.....I'M TOO OLD FOR MOMMY ISSUES!

I just need to get through the next month or so....I really don't know how I'm going to do it, I just am.

Juny I am sorry to hear that your going through this. It's hard enough with the stress of the upcoming surgery. You have us for your support, and yes your not asking for permission this is something that is personal and yes your going to have those that don't agree but that's on them. My family thought I was going to change my mind and when that wonderful day of 11/6 got here they quickly changed their tune and supported me. Stay on your path and let no one stop you from your goal!

[mezanne1401 190]

Keep your head up. I've been wanting WLS for years and have had people try to talk me out of it. I heard the "you're not THAT big" and the "you won't be happy with the results" so many times. I think that is part of the reason I kept putting it off. This time when I finally had my fill of being the funny friend and tired of always being in pain, I did it. Some thought I was going to flake out on it because I have been so flakey about this and other diets that they were actually surprised when it was over and done. Now I've got support from everyone I know and am frequented by high fives from all of them. I know it is harder when it is your mom giving you grief, (this may be a little morbid and insensitive and forgive me as I don't mean to offend) but in the natural rotation of the world, parents die before their children and when, God forbid, your mother pass, then you will be miserable not only because she is gone, but you will not have gotten healthy for yourself and may hold some resentment towards her. Then there is the reverse. By not doing something about your health, your mother may have to bury you first and that goes against everything in the world. Parents aren't supposed to bury their children. It is just not right! Get healthy for you and keep your head up. We all deserve to be happy and healthy.

[juny 93]

Thanks for the encouragement, it's so welcome right now. It's just been hard. Part of me doesn't want this month to go by fast at all and the other wants this month over tomorrow so I can just get past the surgery hurdle. I think once it's done, it will be easier on everyone to deal w/ the reality of it instead of what might happen.

[helgaready 34]

Yes my mom did not agree with my decision either. I talked about it for about 6 months with her and she vehemently despised my decision and even told me I was from a fat family so we were suppose to be fat...Besides I wasnt fat as some and I carried my weight well so I should basically be good with myself. It cried and told her how unhappy I was and that I not living life anymore because my weight was holding me back and she just said girl get over that. I first thought I needed for her to cosign a loan for me as I was self pay as I had applied before and could not get approved for a personal loan. Well that was out the question. So I applied a couple months later and was approved on my own...Never looked back on all her madness....Also my boyfriend at the time didnt support my decision to have surgery...Told me it was an easy way out and that all I need to do was work out harder and quit eating...Well his nonsupport a$$ sure didnt do much to encourage me to do less emotional eating and more working out...I have since gotten rid of him but it hurted so knowing the people I wanted validation from most did not support my decision and couldnt find it then to support me either.

But going through with the decision was the best decision I could have made. As I lose the weight and regain my confidence they notice...My mom still finds it somewhat hard to say I look good...she says I look different...will take her some getting used too but I am so beyond what they think now as I am once again loving myself for the first time in a long time...I think that will be your story too so forge ahead...have the surgery and as the weight comes off you will find that you can stand on your own and are no so caught up in being validating by those around you. Sure you still love them and want them to be happy for you but you can rely more on your internal happiness you find comes with losing the weight.

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

Juny,

I know it's hard, but don't worry about what mommy says this time. My dad wasn't exactly sold on the idea of WLS when he mysteriously found out I was planning mine. But since then he has heard of my success, and not only approves of it, he is in process of getting sleeved himself.

[GeauxForIt 659]

First off, you're NEVER too old for Mommy Issues! LOL

I chose not to tell mine until after surgery bc she always makes everything about HER. She'd focus on how SHE felt about MY surgery instead of offering support or just keeping her mouth shut.

Frankly, I needed all of my emotional energy to focus on myself and my upcoming life change. I didn't have any to spare for her so I just didn't tell her.

Best decision I ever made!

[juny 93]

I love this forum, this encouragement has been so welcome. I know you're all right, sometimes it's just hard to see it when your facing something that on your own seems so daunting. I'm getting the surgery, I can't imagine not going through w/ it. Whenever I waiver I come to the forums and there's always something here that's insightful or enlightening. I feel so much better.

[ozeedonkee 145]

Telling you that "you'll be sorry" is a silly statement. She can't possibly know how you will feel after surgery. After researching, if this is what you really want to do for yourself, go for it.

I can tell you that I have not been "sorry" once since my surgery.

[E-girl 98]

OMG...I am 40 and still have mommy issues. I didn't tell my mommy until after I was approved and had a scheduled date and I told her in a public place so she wouldn't yell at me. Seriously, my mom is like 4'9" tall and she still scares me! She would complain before she knew about the WLS that I was too fat and that u need to lose weight, that I am gonna die young, then I told her and it was "u dont need that, u need will power, ur just lazy." Now she says I am to thin!!! I need to eat more. I look sick.

U can't win so u should just do what I right for u. The journey in the beginning is hard, no lie, but the prize at the end is worth it!

[LindaS 316]

When I decided to get WLS, my husband and my mom both tried to discourage me as well as other people in my life. Most people told me "you aren't that heavy." My husband didn't think I needed it, and he was worried about the surgery risks. My mom also felt I didn't need the surgery.

Despite their doubts about it, they both still supported me. This might be partly due to my history of being stubborn and them realizing nothing was going to stop me once I decided. LOL!

Today, I am 83 pounds lighter. Both my husband and my mom are thrilled with my decision. They both realize that I am so much healthier than I was, and they are both glad that I made the decision that I did.

I also remember immediately after my WLS, I was in a public place with my MIL. She was going on and on how she would NEVER have WLS. I think I even ranted about it on the forums here. (I actually had a few rants involving my MIL at first.) And then my MIL went to see her heart surgeon, and he suggested she get WLS. Her sleeve surgery was last October, and she is down 50 pounds.

[abetterme4.2 268]

I guess I have mommy issues as well. Lol

I haven't even told mine. Sheesh. But, my reasoning is sound, for me, anyway. Or maybe I just keep telling myself that.

I am doing this for me, not for her. And honestly, she'll disapprove, I know it and I'm okay with that. She would probably have a ****-fit if she knew I was going to Mexico.

Good luck and keep us posted! Stay strong.

[mezanne1401 190]

When I decided to get WLS' date=' my husband and my mom both tried to discourage me as well as other people in my life. Most people told me "you aren't that heavy." My husband didn't think I needed it, and he was worried about the surgery risks. My mom also felt I didn't need the surgery.

Despite their doubts about it, they both still supported me. This might be partly due to my history of being stubborn and them realizing nothing was going to stop me once I decided. LOL!

Today, I am 83 pounds lighter. Both my husband and my mom are thrilled with my decision. They both realize that I am so much healthier than I was, and they are both glad that I made the decision that I did.

I also remember immediately after my WLS, I was in a public place with my MIL. She was going on and on how she would NEVER have WLS. I think I even ranted about it on the forums here. (I actually had a few rants involving my MIL at first.) And then my MIL went to see her heart surgeon, and he suggested she get WLS. Her sleeve surgery was last October, and she is down 50 pounds.[/quote']

I love MIL karma!!!!!!