Scared, not enough support,

[NVTammy 12]

My family all claims to be here to support me, yet everything to possibly discourage or hurt my feelings seems to be key! If I get grouchy - they think its the pre-op diet, duh! Is that abnormal? I feeling everyone is against me trying to push me into changing my mind or giving in. They're use to the fat Tammy maybe......husband makes cracks about me leaving once I get thin, reminds me of risks 25/7, reminds me of financial issues because new clothes cost $ so do complications, Vitamins etc. well so will my funeral if I keep up the fat path I've been on 20 yrs! Has anyone else felt like obstacles were being placed in the way by those they thought supported them?

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[johnlatte 1,232]

Yep, My wife used to sit down and eat right in front of me while I was on pre-op. She would come into the living room with food and eat it. She told me time and time again, she wasn't the food police when I asked her not to buy a lot of Snacks etc. The really sad part is she has WLS about 7 years ago and has pretty much gained most of her weight back. I think she finally got the hint though and got on my side about this. She tries to give me advice, but her surgery and mine were so different, I haven't had one complication, and she's had many etc. What got me through it is exactly what you said. I don't want my kids to have to pay for my funeral if I stayed the way I was. I'm not letting anything or anyone get in my way. Its really easy for folks that aren't going through what we have gone through, to sit on the sidelines and judge and throw darts, but in the end we just have to stay tough and we will win. Hang in there, it will get better (you will be better).

[misstiffsue 62]

I think fear makes those closest to us seem unsupportive. I encouraged my family to ask as many questions of me as they could until their mind was at ease. If you feel like it is interfering with your progress just distance yourself for a while. As far as your husband goes only you can reasure him as time goes on. That is just his own fear and insecurity talking.

[annabelle 76]

Hi Tammy, I havent had my operation yet but ive only told the people I could trust, I didnt tell my family till I was strong enough to handle all their remarks, today I got negativity but I said look this has not been easy on me as I dont want to be in a wheelchair but the most hurtful remark they said was omg your gona be slim that cant happen your the fat one,, Im not going to be in a wheelchair im the one that is going to be going out and not staying in and been a babysitter, your doing this for you and every obstacle they put in your way you will find a way around it, good luck & happy 2013

[jen1211 203]

Well, I think one of the other posters is right. Your husband sounds insecure, maybe he believes once you are thinner that you will leave? Sometimes you also just have to be blunt, explain your reasons for doing this surgery and explain that some of the costs don't have to be that great (thrift stores, saving on fast food etc.) and let him know that he can either be there for you and support you or not. Maybe he just needs to hear it straight out? My husband was supportive of the surgery but he does say/do things that hurt and I have gone the direct route and he doesn't always 'get it' but tries to do better. I wish you the best of luck though, I am sure that it's very difficult.

[my3sons 51]

There are two things I will share with you to take or leave as you want...my family and my partner are very supportive, hesitant and I think a bit fearful of me having a surgery- but supportive and willing....that being said, I have no expectation that they will ever fully understand what I go through in this body, what the past years of struggles and attempts have really been, or how sure I am of this tool....they love me, but they are not me. I have to keep that in mind because I know I can be overly sensitive sometimes to my weight and ANY comment can land the wrong way on my heart. Take their support, be sure of your motives for surgery, and don't expect them to really fully understand.

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

My hubby never tried to undermine, but he was passive/silent on the whole deal. That silence was and IS incredibly hurtful - to lose basically the equivalent of a normal sized woman and never be told "good job" or "you look great" or any of that. I get alot of that positive feedback on my looks and fitness from friends, aquaintances, work colleagues and to be honest complete strangers but it kinda plays with my brain that the man I love the most acts indifferent to it.

I got my very first sorta compliment the other day. I mentioned that deep down I never really believed i would get to where i have gotten (and i am not done yet!) and he said "I never doubted it". That my friends is the extent of the moral support i have gotten at home. He only sometimes complains that i am basically not a very good dinner date anymore.

Well, if you look at my ticker you can see I am closing in on my goal to lose 150#.

You don't need your family and hubby's support... it would be really really nice, but in the end, it is up to each of us as individuals to take full advantage of this tool and make it a success.

I am sharing my painful details because i feel I have been very successful at weight loss and have made alot of lifestyle changes. My life is far from perfect and I don't have the loving supportive husband I want. If I can do it, so can others.

Hang in there, it can be a rough road but when you are shopping in the "medium" section instead of the plus sizes.... it will be worth it.