Hard time adjusting to sleeve and break up

[1happyloser2b 39]

Sometimes it is hard for people to accept change! There is Pain in change! Sounds like he is worried that as you lose weight you will gain more self confidence and not put up with him any more! If he comes around that great because you guys are married, if he doesn't don't let his actions sabatoge your success. You will be a better mother as you progress through your journey, because you will be happier and have more energy to interact with your kids. This site is wonderful!! There are lot's of supportive people that can help you! God Bless!!!

[diamondkized 70]

Did he leave or is he being a jerk?

I'm so sorry this is an emotional time just adjusting to your new diet requirements and healing.

You have us here on VST and we will support you.

Perhaps just give him time to work out his feelings, whatever has got him so unsupportive, maybe lay low and just come here for help.

Maybe he is afraid you'll leave him? Is there anyway to rekindle something between you both perhaps just small acts of kindness could get him back on track.

I'm so sorry this is happening but maybe it will pass?

I am wishing you all the best!!!

He keeps saying that he has to focus on paying his debts and that i am not being supportive to his needs. I am not sure what is going on with him but i feel that a marriage takes two and i am the one that is always alone. I thank you for wishing the best for us but everytime i talk to him about possibly coming to a common ground he seems to be ready to just jump ship. I think he wants to leave but doesn't know how.

[diamondkized 70]

I'm sorry to hear that your going through this it is very similar to my situation but I hav realized I have to be in better health for myself and my children bc they in the end are the ones that need me around the most. I am not here for my husband to badger me and make me feel like I am worthless or no good to him I am here for my children and to be stong for them but keep the faith and don't let no one bring you down do it for your babies.

i am trying to think about me and the kids- believe me I am. I just feel so overwhelmed right now with my emotions and I kind of wish we could have divorced -worked it out or whatever before i got on this journey.

[diamondkized 70]

Sweetie, this one time you will have to encourage yourself!!! I know the pain and hurt you feel goes to you're very heart's core. But, he is a grown man and we can't change or control the actions of others. All you can do is focus on your health, life, and your babies! Will it be easy! Absolutely Not!!! But, you can do it, you Will make it! I would not want to be in his shoes for anything in the world!!! Karma is a trip! Wanted to say what Karma really is, we all know, but, I'll be polite! It's hard to do when you have children, but, do little things to pamper yourself. Whether, its buying a new shade of lipstick or nail polish, get a manicure/pedicure, put some candles in the bathroom and take a luxurious bubble bath, a new item of clothing, whatever puts a smile on your face!!! I've been through some difficult and heartwrenching days in my 59+ years, but, I pressed through. I stayed focused on myself and my children, with the belief that this too shall pass. Guess what, it will get better. Bit by bit, day by day! You keep your head up and don't you let that joker steal your joy! I'm speaking as a Mom now! There's a whole community here for you, remember that, 24/7! Sending prayers up for you and your family!

thank you for the uplifting thoughts! you guys are definitely right. i know what i need to do but sometimes its hard to get things going. I guess i feel like a failure because i let myself believe in a person more than i believe in myself. i hate that i let him take so much energy. i am indeed a work in progress!

[diamondkized 70]

Could you try couples counseling? There's two types....with a licensed therapist or with a minister/pastor of a church. I know you said in an earlier thread that your low self-esteem allowed you to take his BS in the past and that is something you struggle with now. But, if you are feeling like you want to salvage the relationship (if possible), I think counseling would be helpful. Ultimately, if he won't do it and/or if you do it and nothing changes, you can leave the relationship knowing you gave it your best shot. I am not a great fan of divorce, but I also do not believe that people should remain in abusive relationships. Obviously, he has his own issues. People who abuse usually were abused in some other time of their lives. (What kind of father-figures did he have?)

i thought about doing counseling but truthfully if he claims he cannot even come in before 3 am cause of working i doubt he will have time for counseling. i will ask him about it though- what can it hurt. I never believed in divorce either which is why I am still here. I swear i wish we could work it out but i cannot be the only one in it. Father -figures- ha! Funny you should say that. Imagine Andrew Dice Clay meets Eddie Murphy (The old one not the new clean mouth one) The have a friendship and he has always pushed him to do the opposite of what a married man should do. Funny that he has a wife that he takes care of but encourages his son to do whatever he needs to do no matter what or who it affects.

[diamondkized 70]

I want to thank you all for taking the time to reply to my problems. I have decided with a clear mind to focus on my mind, body, and soul. What shall be will be and it won't help the situation by me just sitting around stressing about it. I am on a new journey and I believe that everything happens for a reason. I sincerely hope that we can work things out but if not- we weren't meant to be.

One day at a time....

[Jenipher 28]

I'm so sorry to hear you are having these issues. I have been where you are the smart mouth, attitude and all. We have been married 14 yrs same amount of kids. I think things changed for me when I stopped focusing on him. I had to get my attention on me and that may be his problem your having to pay attention to you and not him and he can't stand that. SOME men can be very jealous and just plain old big babies about stealing their attention. The other comments are very supportive take their advice concentrate on you. Marriage is a partnership talk out the finances and come to an agreement he and you can live with and then continue doing you. When you constantly harp on issues sometimes you over think them and they eventually work themselves out. Your marriage had theses issues before your surgery maybe this was long over do. Maybe you thought your losing weight was going to bring about a change for the better in your marriage. You have to begin to love you and hold your head up. If not for you for your KIDS!! Take a deep breath and look in the mirror and say "I love me and I can do this." I wish you the best and my heart goes out to you. By the way my marriage is so much better now that I started loving me. If you need to talk I'm all ears....

Jenipher

[becky74 24]

Sweetie' date=' this one time you will have to encourage yourself!!! I know the pain and hurt you feel goes to you're very heart's core. But, he is a grown man and we can't change or control the actions of others. All you can do is focus on your health, life, and your babies! Will it be easy! Absolutely Not!!! But, you can do it, you Will make it! I would not want to be in his shoes for anything in the world!!! Karma is a trip! Wanted to say what Karma really is, we all know, but, I'll be polite! It's hard to do when you have children, but, do little things to pamper yourself. Whether, its buying a new shade of lipstick or nail polish, get a manicure/pedicure, put some candles in the bathroom and take a luxurious bubble bath, a new item of clothing, whatever puts a smile on your face!!! I've been through some difficult and heartwrenching days in my 59+ years, but, I pressed through. I stayed focused on myself and my children, with the belief that this too shall pass. Guess what, it will get better. Bit by bit, day by day! You keep your head up and don't you let that joker steal your joy! I'm speaking as a Mom now! There's a whole community here for you, remember that, 24/7! Sending prayers up for you and your family![/quote']

Well said!!!

[becky74 24]

I went through a divorce 4 years ago when my daughters were 3 yrs old and 5 months old. By far the hardest most gut wrenching thing I have ever gone thru. Little by little I came back from the misery and what I learned is that you can overcome ANYTHING with time and God. You need to focus on your kids and how much joy they bring you. I will be sleeved this Friday and I'm doing it as much for them as for me. I want to be the best mom ever and be around for them for a long time. I can not change what he did but I can refuse to let it ruin me. You are stronger than you can even imagine!!! And in my opinion getting control of your weight will only make things better and give you the confidence to face whatever may come! Praying for you!

[Kapoorvilla 117]

im praying for you i know this combination of feeling is the worse but i hope the lord comes in and fills that empty space in your heart i dont know if you believe in him ... i do & he can heal anything thats meant to be

I believe too and I add my prayers to this young ladies. The Lord can make such a difference. Praying he blesses you and yours.