Regret even after initial "omg, what have I done?"

[EnigmaInKY 22]

On Day 1 (12/21) I thought, "What have I done?" Day 4, Christmas Day, was rough - tears, etc. - but I got through that. It's been exactly one week since my surgery and I'm doing really well. Incisions are healing nicely, Vitamins are going down well, Protein targets are being hit almost every day...couldn't ask for more, right?

Then why am I still in tears at random times and filled with regret? I want to get some potato skins at happy hour with my husband. I want to eat a real dinner with him. I want a Coke on ice.

I am filled with regret over what I have done to my body (i.e. removing the majority of my stomach), especially knowing I lost 13 lbs on the low carb, high protein diet I did for two weeks prior to the surgery. I am kicking myself thinking that even though I was in a gown and they were ready for surgery when they did that weigh in, I should have called it off and just continued down the weight loss path myself.

Again, I'm filled with regret, even though I am doing very well by all standards. I didn't get it. I didn't get how the nutrition changes could help me lose weight yet still feel fulfilled. I didn't get until now that my caloric intake will always be extremely low. I'm terrified for what this means for the rest of my life.

Anyone else feeling like this?

[ShrinkyDinkMe22 376]

I'm only asking you this because I went to through this as well.

How many times have you tried to lose weight only to loose and then probably gain it back plus some?

I think we are all here bc we couldn't keep the weight off. The biggest thing is hate is that I can't have a coke from McDonald's! I do miss eating big meals but I'm slowly learning that I don't need all that food we used to eat to survive.

My thought process is slowly changing the further I go.

[EnigmaInKY 22]

Thank you for responding. I know you're right in every point you made, especially about losing weight and gaining it back (plus some.) How far out are you from your surgery? When did this veil of 'omg' lift?

[reneetrom 31]

Youre in mourning. You are mourning your relatiinship with food. The way you use to it. I have heard this is very common and im struggling with it myself and i have yet to have the surgery...

Its such a huge change from the way we lived our lives. Eating whenever and whatever we want. Food, for me, is a crutch. And having to say goodbye to it.....absolutely terrifies me.

However...with support along the way, ive heard it does get easier and much much btter.

Good luck to you

[alley-gator 96]

I feel you.

For me, I can't keep up with fluids, let alone Protein. Every Protein Drink has upset my stomach. Milk upsets my stomach. Water upsets my stomach. If I could keep all that down & meet requirements then perhaps I wouldn't feel regret, but I do. I am totally unsatisfied. And people always say...oh after you are sleeved you won't be hungry, and your tastes will probably change... Well that didn't happen to me. I was sleeved 12/20 and want to eat a whole cake. I am not stupid enough to, but the desire is there.

I researched this long & hard, and miss eating huge amounts of food. Or any food at all, really. Full liquid diet sucks..

[lucky8mb1 167]

I went through this right up to the surgery. Right as I was about to get my Versed before being wheeled into the OR, I said I needed to use the bathroom. I remember staring in the mirror and saying to myself, "What the bleep are you doing to yourself?" I remember asking my husband up to the night before surgery, "Am I making a mistake? Am I jumping the gun? Can I do this on my own? I know how to lose weight." This was all true. I know how to lose weight and I can do a pretty damn good job of it. The question is....do I know how to keep it off? The answer is a resounding NO. I can't. I gain every pound I lose, plus some. I remember in college when I hit my high weight of 185. I was devastated. Lost some weight, then gained it back - all the way to my new high weight of 244. Freaked out about that. Lost weight, gained it all back to 262. Freaked out again. Lost weight, gained it all back up to 298. I saw the pattern and it wasn't pretty. I'm only 34 years old. At this rate, I'd be 400lbs before 40.

I realized that I needed help. Not a magic solution, but a tool to help me. I know how to eat well. I know how to exercise. I just need help with Portion Control and being a bit smarter about my priorities in food selection. The sleeve help keeps me on track for those things.

I think right now we're still in shock about what we did. My husband has said multiple times that he can't believe I did it. Not because he didn't think I would or could - but because it is a major major step. I don't believe I did it either. However, as time goes by and I start to take baby steps into my new post-sleeve life, I realize that it isn't so bad. My old habits were doing me no favors, and I can still live my life - with a few adaptations. Pretty soon, the old way of life will be a distant memory and very much a thing of the past - which means there will be nothing to miss.

You're going to be ok. Once things are more "normal" and less restricted, I think you're going to settle in just fine.

[reneetrom 31]

This is why this site is so great. Ive already learned so much prior to my surgery....that come the time, I hope to be as prepared as possible.

I doubt the urge to " fill my face" to.capacity will ever go away. I feel like Im losing a friend by changing my lifestyle so much.

I am a constant overeater. Even when im not hungry, Ill eat. If im bored....I dont need a reason.

But arm yourself with knowledge and continue to.seek informatiin from others and i think knowing what youre feeling is so normal to say many, may help along the way. Ots.definitely helped me

[iggychic 1,405]

I'm four months out from my first surgery and three from the second. I still regret it daily. For me it wasn't worth it at all. Yes I've lost weight, but it wasn't worth the price I and my family paid.

[No game 14,437]

Kicking soda is hard to do! I stopped a year ago when I decided to cut out all sugars fake and real.. Oh and I lost weight.. But then start gaining again. After my son was born I went on a dr supervised diet lost all my weight! Then gained it back again. I have lost weight with low carb diets, and then gained it back again..

This surgery changed everything and is not easy somedays but its my last chance at a healthy life so it's worth it. Give it time it's hard in the beginning but gets easier everyday.

It sounds like u love your husband go on a date that doesn't involve food.< /p>

My husband and I like walking on the beach

[Aleks 7]

I'm pre-op. I see a therapist. I have been seeing her before I ever imagined getting surgery.

She urged me to continue therapy. She warned me not to get surgery if I was planning on discontinuing therapy. food has been a outlet for all of us. When you're obese food is usually more than an outlet for overwhelming negative feelings, it's an outlet for every feeling. My therapist and primary care doctor have both told me that when you remove food from the equation you can really start to grapple with life, because you no longer have your coping mechanism.

I highly recommend talking to a therapist. Most healthcare providers allow a certian amount of visits monthly. They can help you work through your new lifestyle.

There is no going back, but you may find solace if you look into research about patients three years out. Your stomach begins to grow out again and you can have a similar lifestyle to pre-op. (Hopefully by then we have all learned healthy eating and don't need to be resleeved.)

Good Luck

[EnigmaInKY 22]

Lucky - More tears as I read your post because it rings true for me, even the part of my incredibly supportive husband saying he couldn't believe I took such a huge step. He's grateful because of all the things we will be able to do together - I'm extending our lives together! Would you mind to stay in touch? I need the sanity check AND supporting someone else will help me.

[EnigmaInKY 22]

Aleks - Great idea. I do have access to a therapist via my surgeon's office/program for three visits in the first year, but I think I need something more consistent. I'll be checking into what my insurance and company offer after the holidays. Thank you, thank you.

[Alamoloser 70]

Its early right now for you, when you start having that heavy, depressing, weight lifted off of you over the course of the next few weeks, you won't even be thinking of the skins or any food like that. Its amazing and I admit I felt the same way 1 week post-op.

[Lisa :) 231]

I think most of us have been RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!!! You are absolutely not alone!!

But I'm here to tell you that the day will come when you will absolutely LOVE your sleeve and you will not regret your decision!! Buyer's remorse is normal and lasts a little longer for some people.

I was a train wreck (mentally) for about 3 weeks after surgery. I was angry about not being able to eat, I was having dreams of eating and eating and eating and I was so afraid that I would never enjoy food again.

Well, here I am almost 14 months out and I love my sleeve!!! I couldn't be happier with my decision...because it's changed my life!! I feel like I have a fairly "normal" relationship with food now...not that I'm perfect--I'm soooo not!!! But I don't think about food constantly anymore and even when I overeat, my sleeve keeps me in check. Most importantly, food is not the star of the show anymore....my life is!!!!

You will eat again!!!....I promise!!

This is the most difficult point right after surgery....but, it's going to get better!!!!

Hang in there girl!!!!

[VSGforMe 8]

Yes, I had the same OMG what have I done moment the day of surgery. I don't think I knew what a food addict I was. Driving around town and NOT stopping for a Dr. Pepper has been weird. There are still foods that I am working on "divorcing" in my head. Things that I know I should not have, and that I recognize as being a part of the problem.

Just hang in there. Know there are others on the same path, and stay in touch if we can help encourage you.