Not Telling People....

[GlitteringGoldParodox 36]

I think it depends on why you're not telling. As I said in a previous post' date=' many fat people become private people because of the shame they have felt for so long. Privacy is not genetically viewed in evolution. It was created by certain humans to protect.[/quote']

Besides my immediate family, no ones know that I've become obese in the last 2 1/2 yrs. All other family and friend have not seen me in 3 yrs. The worst they have seen me as is 10 to 15 Ibs overweight. I have no intention of them ever seeming me until I look like the person they knew. I don't see how someone who is fat can be ashamed of the method they use to loose weight so they hide it.

So many things in life is social construct is impossible to separate identity and what is factual. Like race is a social construct to separate and put ppl in boxes to label. We get asked about our racial identity all the time and are ok with it for the most part for identification. Even though scientific research say race has no biology meaning.

My point is privacy in relation to genetics evolution has no relevance to how we function in society today. There is a whole rabbit hole we can go down.

[dezilou 18]

What is mine is mine, and this surgery was mine. I decided that I was ready for it, I picked the doctor, and I constantly massage the staples in my stomach. If I choose to share with someone, that decision will be MINE as well. This is a tool, right, not a guarantee to a size six. I'm still going to have to work harder, longer, more than ever before to reach my goals; so if someone skinny comes up to me with a "you used to be fat," question, I will tell them about the hard work I have to endure to now be worthy of that question.

However, on the other side of the coin I also won't wander up to randomly overweight people and tell them either. I had it done to me, and its not the greatest feeling in the world. If they ask, absolutely I will tell them! But if I choose to. Because that choice is mine as well. I know some fat haters. To me it's like this, would I casually answer a question about how many people I've been with? No, and you would get a knuckle sandwich for asking, so why would I relay other intimate details of my life? This is as personal a choice as it gets, parting with a piece of yourself, when there are other alternatives (some would say) out there. WLS isn't one size fits all, so do what makes YOU comfortable. It's YOUR decision and YOUR life, you're not wrong for your choice.

[katsmeow 70]

Yes I'm very proud of my decision for surgery. But it's still my life my business. I'm not lying in anyway. As we all know the surgery is just a tool. I have to do the work to succeed. It's sad people talk about others and not in a positive way. Just let it be and live your life the way you want to live it.

[SummersGirl 41]

No' date=' it has nothing to do with my weight. I'm private about my marriage, my job, my financial status, my children, etc - none of which are related to my weight. I've been this way at almost 300lbs and at 160lbs. Why is it that because I'm different than you, then there must be a reason and hopefully I can get past it so I can be more like you?

You may think I get uncomfortable easily. You're entitled to that opinion, but I am happy where I am. I like keeping my private life private. Why is that a negative thing?

I'm not saying it's wrong to shout it from the rooftops if you're so inclined. Why is it wrong to not want to share?[/quote']

Lucky, I absolutely agree! I am private about everything and there is nothing wrong with it. So I appreciate your post as it says what I think (just says it better, lol).

I have told a couple of my closest friends and some of my family. They are not all supportive but I won't get rid of them as friends (as someone on here suggested). Maybe they are jealous, I don't know. But I won't hold it against them as I hope they won't hold my mistakes against me. Now if someone who was obese asked me about how I was losing the weight and seemed genuinely interested, I think I would tell them about WLS as I wouldn't have ever considered it if an acquaintance hadn't told me and encouraged me. People who don't want to share are not "wrong", and people who tell the world are not "right" it just means we're different.

[whitneymalae 69]

I think you should do whatever you are comfortable with and I wish you the best of luck on your journey ahead! If people ask, you can always say it was time to make a change and eat better! It's the truth but not too much detail!

[whitneymalae 69]

I think you should do whatever you are comfortable with and I wish you the best of luck on your journey ahead! If people ask, you can always say it was time to make a change and eat better! It's the truth but not too much detail!

[IsB 209]

What state do you live in? That's illegal for an employer to do that in the majority of states.

No it isn't illegal in most states. I work in an at will state and can be terminated for any reason except for discrimination as specified by law. Not showing up to work without an approved reason is more than enough to get fired. It's possible that the owners of the firm would be okay with it but it's also possible that they wouldn't. I've seen others let go for a lot less. The Family Medical Leave Act does not apply to an employer with under 50 employees so there is no protection there. With jobs so scarce right now you have to be very careful. No way was I going to take the chance and put my family at risk. There's really nothing to gain by telling and way too much to lose.

[PetraLuxor 83]

Very interesting comments here. It's a personal decision, that's for sure. I don't really appreciate anyone questioning or judging one's integrity for those of us who choose not to tell people. I told only one person. I may choose to tell other people once I have most of my weight off. Maybe, maybe not. I do think there is something to be said for letting other people know about one's WLS in order for it to be less taboo and for others to know what a life change it could be. However, I for one do not want the talk and gossip, especially in my workplace. And, no, it isn't being overly sensitive to people's words or running away from the truth, etc. It's simply my business as are a plethora of other things in my life. Two words people: don't judge.

[keya34 46]

This is incorrect. I live in an at will state as well. My wife just won her latest court case defending a man who was fired for no reason from a large optical chain in Western NY. Just a few months before that GM lost a case in federal court after firing employees after they were caught drinking on the job. The FMLA has nothing to do with it as the FMLA is federal and most states have a similar act for private sector companies of less than 50 employees.

But I'm sure you're right' date=' you went to law school right? Oh wait..,[/quote']

Sounds like Texas, that's how it is here also at least for the first 90 days.

[JPSnAZ 33]

This is incorrect. I live in an at will state as well. My wife just won her latest court case defending a man who was fired for no reason from a large optical chain in Western NY. Just a few months before that GM lost a case in federal court after firing employees after they were caught drinking on the job. The FMLA has nothing to do with it as the FMLA is federal and most states have a similar act for private sector companies of less than 50 employees.

But I'm sure you're right, you went to law school right? Oh wait..,

Nice little quote at the end there...Why do you have to be such an ass to everyone who doesnt agree with you? Everyone here obviously gets that you think we should shout from the rooftops that we all had surgery. Thats great that you are so comfortable with it, but most people arent. Everyone is different in how comfortable they are about the situation and no one is wrong in how they feel.

And I agree with IsB, why go through all the legal troubles if you did get fired... Better to just keep it to yourself and not have to deal with that unfair crap.

[lucky8mb1 167]

That had nothing to do with the thread at hand. I was just trying to help him/her. I didn't even mention that by lying to their employer about medical leave could result in huge issues.

But they obviously know more. So that's ok.

As far as comfortability goes, get over it. You guys are being a bunch on pansy typical fat people with self esteem issues. "They'll make fun of me" ... "They'll make me doubt my surgery" ... "they'll talk behind my back" blah blah blah. Do you see skinny people acting like this? No! Grow a set and stand on your own two feet. Own it. Or don't. Live inside your sad little fat ego.

Yikes. If the alternative to being a "pansy" is to be like this, I'm all set, thanks.

[SleeveNZ 219]

Quit while you are ahead Fishy .... you are making a ****** of yourself. FYI -my "skinny" friends have the worst self esteem issues of them all! Clearly you haven't got any in a while ....

[lucky8mb1 167]

lol

That's the typical fat person laugh. I'm being the typical fat person sarcastic.

[C_TimesThree 64]

Why is insulting people your best defense? I agree that I will probably be more open about surgery than some because I'm not really ashamed of it, though I don't know if I will be like "OH HEY GUYS!"

I honestly think you could have approached this in a more mature manner & not made yourself look so bad, but I guess it's the internet & you have the typical over egotistical fat guy personality online.

[dezilou 18]

I actually am a lawyer, and while I can't speak for every state, I can speak for mine, and during a "probationary period" you can be terminated for little to nothing, as long as its not based on what the Feds protect.

As for the condescending, derogatory attitude towards others, he may just feel the need to lash out online, because he is being emasculated at home...or, may be he just needs a hug!