male only Panic mode starting to set in

[TapSnap 357]

So for some reason today my brain started to toss all kids of stuff around in my head out of no where. I was driving to work today and just started to get this panic feeling. Am I doing the right thing? Am I ready for this? Will I fail again at losing weight?

Then after all that I start to think about all the things I still need to do before surgery. I have so much to do to get ready and time is ticking away. Still looking for Protein I like and continue to like more then a month. Will I be able to cook good things all the time instead of eating out all the time just because it’s easy?

Also everyone I know knows I am going in for surgery for my weight but will that help with them not talking me in to bad habits? I don’t know and the panic sets in all over.

Will I get approved by my insurance? Will they say no after I spent all this time with testing and everything else to just be let down.

It got so bad that I went to McDonalds and got 2 double cheese burgers a 20 piece nugget and a large coke, then ate it in shame in my car during my break.

I don’t have a day for surgery yet. I still have one more test in Jan. then everything is done and paper work can be sent in.

I am tired of people trying to talk me out of surgery and poking jokes about it. I am just tired of a lot of things. I am tired of feeling like I look one way and in the mirror I am showed the truth. I have no energy any more, no drive to do anything but sit at home alone.

I just needed to vent and get stuff off my chest and figured this would be the best place to do so. I am not sure if anyone feels the same or felt the same as this before or even after surgery.

[jen1211 203]

Don't worry Tap, you are definitely not the only one to feel this way! You have a responsibility to do what is best for you though and I totally sympathize with sitting in the house feeling drained and not doing anything. That is a big reason for my having the surgery, I'm so tired of having no energy...I want to get out and live my life for a change! Sounds like you're heading in the right direction and being worried about all of those things is a good sign I think that you are really ready to change!

[crftskathy 21]

Don't worry Tap you will do fine! But you have to stop the trips to McDonalds! You are hurting yourself! I don't know if your dr said anything but mine would not operate if you gained over 10 lbs before surgery! Don't do that to yourself! I am 4 weeks post surgery ! It gets easier, I' m not Hungary! I do find it hard to get all the watering! Bit you can do it! Think positive thoughts!!

[hadouni 301]

Ok, I feel bad invading the man room with all my estrogen but I had to tell you that you are NOT alone! I questioned myself so many times. I didn't talk openly with many about what I'd planned because I didn't want to hear others' opinions about what I knew I needed to do for my health. Of the few friends I told, one freaked out and went on and on about the mistake I was making... all that drama coming from botox & liposuction girl! =) I even wrote in my journal to my young son the night before my surgery just in case I died on the table! When I doubted myself, I tried to remember all the reasons TO have surgery. I can say without doubt, almost a year later, that I made the right decision and if there is any regret, it's that I didn't do it sooner.

I also totally get the double cheeseburger thing. food was a coping mechanism for me for much of my life. I remember the feeling of calm I'd experience when I was stressed and I decided to eat something. Being sleeved has really helped with my food issues. Now that I feel better about myself, it's easier for me to slow down when I'm stressed or upset and look for a healthier outlet.

Good luck to you!