**confession**

[Threetimesacharm 1,400]

Thank you for the round of applause. What I don't understand is the lack of support from your family. Did you husband not understand the seriousness of your surgery and how strict your eating must be for quite a while? What is he doing making lasagna 3 weeks out, I find this to be a very inconsiderate and selfish act.

To the poster making manicotti, try waiting till a few more months to make dishes that a) you can eat too or won't be tempted by. I am as priviledged to make my opinion and feel that you need to be in more control of your surroundings speak up dear lady!!!!

[LovetoDeath 93]

Although I would not condone cheating I do understand that we are Human. As humans we are prone to mistakes. These mistakes can be learning experiences. If you took a bite, that's fine just make sure you think it through next time.

I don't like this attitude that some people have about making people feel horrible about their decisions. Don't you remember how it felt to have someone skinny say "you are killing yourself, just stop eating and exercise". Skinny people can not possibly understand why we would ever risk being overweight because obesity related conditions kill people everyday. We all have to find out for ourselves. We all have to take the steps to a better path. Sometimes you stray but hey as long as you learn from it, it's ok.

It also Irks me when people say "I can't believe you would........................."

Well you are not me and there are probably a ton of things I can't believe you would do either.

[iggychic 1,405]

Thank you for the round of applause. What I don't understand is the lack of support from your family. Did you husband not understand the seriousness of your surgery and how strict your eating must be for quite a while? What is he doing making lasagna 3 weeks out' date=' I find this to be a very inconsiderate and selfish act.

To the poster making manicotti, try waiting till a few more months to make dishes that a) you can eat too or won't be tempted by. I am as priviledged to make my opinion and feel that you need to be in more control of your surroundings speak up dear lady!!!![/quote']

Her husband was probably making dinner for himself and maybe children? Anyhoo, just because we have the surgery does not mean that our families can't ever eat again.

Again, if your life is so focused on the issues with food, it's not mean to say, get some help. We all need help likely in one direction or another. This surgery will not save the person who can't, under strict doctors orders, miss one drink or one bite of whatever it is they crave RIGHT NOW. Typcially with any food disorder counseling is more important than the cure. It's not a weakness to ask for help.

And to the "I can't believe" people say I can't believe...I had a leak. Not brought on by anything I did. The thing with this surgery is that you can die, not only during but afterwards if you do not take proper care of yourself and follow doctors orders. I did nearly die...I can't believe anyone would risk that kind of pain and suffering. I can not believe people jump off cliffs either. Risks of that nature make no sense what so ever to me.

[LovetoDeath 93]

Then you probably shouldn't post on a public forum if you're so sensitive.

Hahah I'm not sensative in the least. I want to encourage and support people not scold them and make them feel shameful. That is why I am on this forum.

But if you think scolding and belittling is effective then by all means go ahead. You are right, this is a public forum.

[iggychic 1,405]

As I just posted in another forum about someone who wanted booze one week out....my answer here is different than it would be if this poster was two or three months out. Then I'd say, one bite won't kill you. In fact I encourage people to remember to live life. This is not a diet! Don't be stupid but do think in terms of moderation. But if you have just had this surgery and you can't find the motivation to do what your doctor told you...this means you weren't ready for this surgery. If you are bitter because your spouse eats normal food...you weren't ready for this surgery. If you can't say "NO" early out, where will you be when the restriction ends? That's all. I'm not going to pat someone on the back and say it's ok to barf on purpose, chew and spit out, or any other behavior that encourages a feeding disorder exchange from the one they had. That's being a better supporter than to say "it's ok" in my mind.

[Nicolanz 1,484]

I don't agree that she is in dire need of help or is risking her life over one bite of lasagna. The first couple of weeks are hard. Especially if you have a family to cook for. I cook for my family every night and those first few weeks were difficult. One time, I took a bite of Jambalaya and spit it out (gross!) Another time I ate mashed potatoes while on Clear Liquids. You are an adult who doesn't need scolding. You knew you shouldn't have done that and even called your coordinator. Seems like you took responsibility for your actions. Don't let these people make you feel stupid over one bite. We are ALL here because of issues with food!

[Eclectic82 22]

This is just a little back story: There is no family support because they are on the other side of the country, I just relocated to Cali and am building my resources here, my surgery was in another state, the s/o is morbidly obese himself and he doesn't get why I had surgery at all, there are no children. I was the only cooker up until surgery day. So, he is learning to cook for himself. And I can't help but to peek in and see how he's doing. He is learning and so am I. Without making him feel guilty...I just simply asked him to help me out. We used the spoonful as a learning experience.

I understand addiction, relapse, etc very well. I'm a substance abuse counselor. While I don't think I am headed for disaster I recognize what COULD have happened. As far is needing help is concerned...NOT once have I said that I didn't need it or welcome it (I still haven't seen any specifics about the TYPE of help needed. I guess there's an assumption that I know where to go. If there's a suggestion...I just ask for a whole one). Not once have I said I am not open to criticism and honesty. My ONLY flag was tone and being condescending. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and tone...I won't cancel Christmas over it...it will just make it difficult for me "hear" what's being said.

[Nicolanz 1,484]

Whoops! Ignore the coordinator part I guess I was remembering another post. But you did come here for support!

[iggychic 1,405]

This is just a little back story: There is no family support because they are on the other side of the country' date=' I just relocated to Cali and am building my resources here, my surgery was in another state, the s/o is morbidly obese himself and he doesn't get why I had surgery at all, there are no children. I was the only cooker up until surgery day. So, he is learning to cook for himself. And I can't help but to peek in and see how he's doing. He is learning and so am I. Without making him feel guilty...I just simply asked him to help me out. We used the spoonful as a learning experience.

I understand addiction, relapse, etc very well. I'm a substance abuse counselor. While I don't think I am headed for disaster I recognize what COULD have happened. As far is needing help is concerned...NOT once have I said that I didn't need it or welcome it (I still haven't seen any specifics about the TYPE of help needed. I guess there's an assumption that I know where to go. If there's a suggestion...I just ask for a whole one). Not once have I said I am not open to criticism and honesty. My ONLY flag was tone and being condescending. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and tone...I won't cancel Christmas over it...it will just make it difficult for me "hear" what's being said.[/quote']

Since none of us live where you do (or know where that is anyhoo) specifics are not possible. Your doctor should be able to help or your nutritionist who could contact someone in your area for resources (another doctor). There are many programs like over eaters anon, support groups that are available through hospitals and doctors offices, etc. The fact that you are in the industry would make it seem like it would be easier for you to know how to find a support group locally or a therapist I'd think.

Here's the thing about Pasta or bread you need to know. Those items swell in your stomach or they can cause vomiting. Swelling or the spasms associated with vomiting can open up your suture line. This risk is a consideration for the first six plus weeks (real healing is not complete for three months) after surgery, which is why they aren't allowed early out. So when someone says you're taking a risk, that's the risk you are taking. Chewing and spitting it out is another risk because you are risking an eating disorder. That's not bright, but it will kill you slowly verses quickly which a leak will do (though understand it's a long and torturous route to take).

Hence the tough talk. I don't sugar coat what people are doing to themselves. I think too many fat girl excuses and sugar coating is why many people are in the boat they're in. I'm not perfect, but I was a perfect patient when it came to following the program, for the first six weeks, and then the second after the repair surgery. To risk the kind of pain I went through is nuts. (see counseling need above LOL)

[SeriouslyChange 319]

Telling her that she needs immediate help for bulimia is not correct either, Though chewing and spitting out are a symptom.

I follow my doctors orders to a T, and I have the guilty pleasure of smelling food and wanting to watch people eat it. Do I crave it? Not really. But just seeing the enjoyment others get from eating does something for me I guess. Am I in "dire need of counseling" no. Everyone has their own way of dealing with the loss of food. I understand the temptation part, my room mate is constantly eating quesadillas, chips, ice cream, fast food, right in front of me. I just always want to know what it is and then Take a deep breath lol.

I understand that you went through a tough time with a leak and I'm sorry to hear that. But, you can't give everyone tough love. Not everyone wants that. This thread was called "confessions" not "I made a mistake, beat me up about it to put me on the right track". Some people specifically request tough love and no one seems to give it to them as harshly as to the people who request nothing.

We should all be supporting each other not belittling. Everyone will make mistakes as that is part of the learning process.

[delta_girl 931]

I just ate two Cookies and some Chex mix from the break room spread

...after skipping both Breakfast and lunch.

This round of my TOM is really pushing some edges.

[Holly5.3 423]

Thanks all! While I appreciate the input' date=' I would like to caution some of you on your tone. If I am needing "help" please offer a suggestion of who/where. If you can't fathom a fat chick making a fat chick choice lol **shrugs** If you can't relate to a mistep and have no encouragement...please keep it moving. I don't need anyone being condesending (not to be confused with being honest/telling it like it is). I talked to my doctor about my spoonful and he assured me that I would be fine and that ALLOT of people slip (if they want to admit it to others or even themselves). I also understand that there are those that NEVER mistep **round of applause** Anywho, I've been back on track the past couple of days. Again, thank you for the support. In the event I mess up again...I'll be back to confess it.[/quote']

Love your ** comments**!! Every day for me is now one meal at a time - I'm learning what I can and can't eat. Everyone is different - I'm 7 weeks post op and cleared to eat everything and can't yet. I hate one of my red velvet Madeleine Cookies and strangely enough it went down easier than most foods I eat! (figures!) I ate one, felt a twinge of guilt and was done. A year ago I would have polished off at least a half dozen! But I can't let my old bad habits come back so yogurt for lunch and back on track!

[suzjag 107]

Thanks all! While I appreciate the input' date=' I would like to caution some of you on your tone. If I am needing "help" please offer a suggestion of who/where. If you can't fathom a fat chick making a fat chick choice lol **shrugs** If you can't relate to a mistep and have no encouragement...please keep it moving. I don't need anyone being condesending (not to be confused with being honest/telling it like it is). I talked to my doctor about my spoonful and he assured me that I would be fine and that ALLOT of people slip (if they want to admit it to others or even themselves). I also understand that there are those that NEVER mistep **round of applause** Anywho, I've been back on track the past couple of days. Again, thank you for the support. In the event I mess up again...I'll be back to confess it.[/quote']

This same person did the same thing to me over the same issue. And it has to be said, "back off Iggy!" I don't give a **** how helpful u "think" you're being you're NOT! It's just hurtful and cruel PERIOD!

[delta_girl 931]

This same person did the same thing to me over the same issue. And it has to be said, "back off Iggy!" I don't give a **** how helpful u "think" you're being you're NOT! It's just hurtful and cruel PERIOD!

She's being neither hurtful nor cruel. She is being direct and assertive. If you don't like what she says, don't read it. She has a lot of experience to share due to her complications. She knows first hand how difficult and painful it is to have something go wrong. If she doesn't couch that in enough flowers, rainbows and unicorns for someone's particular tastes, then that is OK. Its a public forum and we are adults.

[iggychic 1,405]

Telling her that she needs immediate help for bulimia is not correct either' date=' Though chewing and spitting out are a symptom.

I follow my doctors orders to a T, and I have the guilty pleasure of smelling food and wanting to watch people eat it. Do I crave it? Not really. But just seeing the enjoyment others get from eating does something for me I guess. Am I in "dire need of counseling" no. Everyone has their own way of dealing with the loss of food. I understand the temptation part, my room mate is constantly eating quesadillas, chips, ice cream, fast food, right in front of me. I just always want to know what it is and then Take a deep breath lol.

I understand that you went through a tough time with a leak and I'm sorry to hear that. But, you can't give everyone tough love. Not everyone wants that. This thread was called "confessions" not "I made a mistake, beat me up about it to put me on the right track". Some people specifically request tough love and no one seems to give it to them as harshly as to the people who request nothing.

We should all be supporting each other not belittling. Everyone will make mistakes as that is part of the learning process.[/quote']

I didn't see where anyone told her to get help for bulimia...actually I never saw that word. I didn't even suggest help for that issue as I wasn't reading she had developed a habit of chewing and spitting regularly...maybe I missed something.

I didn't say you needed dire help either or anyone who is refraining from their temptations after surgery. That's a sign that things are going well for you. It's a great thing.

Honestly this is a public forum. I can say anything within the boundaries of the rules of the forum. I can clearly state to someone what they risk by making bad choices just as others can pat her on the back and say no biggie or throw it up. I think those are worse advice than what I offer....but they are all advice. You don't get to pick and choose it when you put yourself out there. Such is life.