Jealous boyfriend cannot handle my weight loss!

[MsFab1988 275]

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we met when I was at my biggest (288lbs) I have since lost almost 90 pounds. He was always jealous since the day I met him, and was insecure as he always thought he would lose me (I dont know why) He's been supportive with my weight loss and I know he loves me whether im big or small. Only issue is that hes insecure and jealous. He does not like to party or go out. Hes boring! We always argue about this. When I was bigger, I would go out sometimes but didnt go out much just to make him happy and it didnt bother me as much as I didnt have much outfits. But now, sexy clothes fit me. I want to go out more, I want to live life, im 24! Im not trying to buy beautiful dresses so they can hang in my closet! lol...He doesnt like to go out so I go out with my girls. All of a sudden its a big issue. He claims that I have changed and that I think that Im all that, and thats why im going out. And I feared this the most as I dont want to come across as a person who changes after weight loss surgury. I havent changed, im still the same person just look better and have more confidence.I enjoy all the compliments I get, I know he hatesss seeing other men comment or like my pictures on Facebook. He always tries to make a point like "They didnt like you back then, but now they do. I was there when nobody wanted you". He will say stupid stuff like that and my response would be "You act like I was ugly or something lol I dated before you, men always liked me. Just so happened I dated you for the longest, and yeah most men do find me more attractive now, but that does not mean that Im going to leave u for them!" We fight almost every damn day. To the point where I ask myself what the hell am I still doing with him??? He makes me want to date other men.One time he just completely ignored me for 2 weeks. I kept calling and texting him but he wouldnt respond. So I said screw him, by the 4th day I went out to party. Within a week I started meeting new people trying to move on. I never took anyone serious but I def loved going out on dates. Then he just magically shows up after 2 weeks crying because Im having a great time. what does he think would happen when u ignore me without letting me know what i did wrong or even to verbally tell me that ur breaking up with me. And how do I know what hes doing? He just wants me to sit home and cry for 2 weeks like I dont have a life...

I do love him, he's my best friend, but damn, hes immature and he's making it seem like im the issue, when clearly he is.(Hes 23) If he would just go out with me, this wouldnt be an issue. He does dinner, movies, parks those type of things. But sometimes I just want to go to a lounge or a party and wear a dress, u know? I've spoken to him about this many times, We actually just went to dinner 2 hours ago and spoke about things. I invited him to a party on sat bc I brought a black dress that I want to wear as I am going to hit 199 in a few days!!! Im very excited about this, he is too but he still does not want to party! I suggested we go to the city to do something else then, anything just as long as I wear my dress. But in his head, he thinks that I have some sort of plan. He cursed me out and told me to go do what I want to do and that hes tired of this. This is sooo frustraing. Has anybody dealt with annoying bf/husband/gf/wife who cant handle your weightloss? And please give me ur opinions..thanks

[delta_girl 931]

Wow! That is a lot of thinking you have been doing.

He does sound immature, insecure, controlling and selfish. Perhaps even dependent.

There is always an exception, but for the most part, people are who they are and don't change all that much no matter what you do.

Yes, you are very young and you should enjoy your youth before it fades away.

[crosseyedtango 35]

i've never been in this situation, but seriously, you are young! it's great that you have a new found confidence in yourself and you should be out enjoying it and dating and seeing what's out there! i'm getting surgery around may and i've worried about it changing who i am too, but honestly, it is a life changing experience and it WILL change you. and that isn't always necessarily a bad thing. sounds like it has changed you for the better (more confidence, more social), and that is nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of. have fun, and don't let your boyfriend make you feel badly for it. and honestly, anyone who says **** like, "i liked you when no one wanted you" is NOT worth your time. that was a d**k move.

[thesmilos 144]

If you really want to stay with this person, you two are going to have to have some major counseling sessions with a professional. If not, consider this: You are young, beautiful and starting a whole new life...do you want to live like this? Do you believe you deserve to be treated like this? I know all this sounds cliche, but have to decide if this is your time to thrive, be healthy and discover the new you OR are you going take time to deal with his immaturity and try to fix his insecurities?

My opinion- move on.

[MsFab1988 275]

Wow! That is a lot of thinking you have been doing.

He does sound immature, insecure, controlling and selfish. Perhaps even dependent.

There is always an exception, but for the most part, people are who they are and don't change all that much no matter what you do.

Yes, you are very young and you should enjoy your youth before it fades away.

Yea I dont have any kids I keep telling him, u kno this is the time to have fun! Go on vacations and stuff...Im always planning things thats just my personality...But I always plan things WITH HIM...its not like Im not including him...Its when he makes things difficult I go to plan B which is hanging out with other people...but then that becomes a problem too

[ibehere10 163]

Geez, I wish you all the luck in the world. He really sounds like he wants to control you and controllers don't change but often get worse. You are a young vibrant woman and should be out on the town enjoying your life!! Go have fun and tell him to go with you or get gone. Harsh I know but you deserve better

[MsFab1988 275]

i've never been in this situation, but seriously, you are young! it's great that you have a new found confidence in yourself and you should be out enjoying it and dating and seeing what's out there! i'm getting surgery around may and i've worried about it changing who i am too, but honestly, it is a life changing experience and it WILL change you. and that isn't always necessarily a bad thing. sounds like it has changed you for the better (more confidence, more social), and that is nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of. have fun, and don't let your boyfriend make you feel badly for it. and honestly, anyone who says **** like, "i liked you when no one wanted you" is NOT worth your time. that was a d**k move.

lol he does try to say things like that to make me feel guilty. I guess thats one of the main reasons why I dont want to break up with him, because people are going to think that I broke up with him bc im smaller now...and I shouldnt care about what others say, but for some reason, it does bother me..I guess I do care what others think?

[MsFab1988 275]

If you really want to stay with this person, you two are going to have to have some major counseling sessions with a professional. If not, consider this: You are young, beautiful and starting a whole new life...do you want to live like this? Do you believe you deserve to be treated like this? I know all this sounds cliche, but have to decide if this is your time to thrive, be healthy and discover the new you OR are you going take time to deal with his immaturity and try to fix his insecurities?

My opinion- move on.

I swear to you I brought up counseling tonight! I really do care and really want to make it work. But his response was "well I dont need counseling, If I was the problem then yeah, but im not the problem"...so I kindly said u kno what, yes Im the problem and I would love to go to counseling with you, because I think it will help!...andddd I dont think he gets it...I swear I wanted to slap him silly but at the same time I was trying to be serious as Im trying to put in every effort to save this so called relationship that probably isnt worth saving..the more I think about it the more I wanna smack myself lmao but u kno, I just wanna make sure I've tried everything, dont want any regrets...weight loss is not the issue, hes making it seem like it is

[MsFab1988 275]

Geez, I wish you all the luck in the world. He really sounds like he wants to control you and controllers don't change but often get worse. You are a young vibrant woman and should be out on the town enjoying your life!! Go have fun and tell him to go with you or get gone. Harsh I know but you deserve better

Thanks, but he's not going with me, he never does... I guess well see how this plays out

[Traci J. 207]

Get out now! You may love him, but if he truly loved you he wouldn't say and do things like that. He is a controller and manipulator, and I've had my experience with these types. They do get worse, and usually don't end well. Verbal/emotional abuse is just as bad as physical, if not worse. You are so young....do not let him control you and do not lose yourself in ANY relationship. Good luck & go party it up!

[crosseyedtango 35]

lol he does try to say things like that to make me feel guilty. I guess thats one of the main reasons why I dont want to break up with him, because people are going to think that I broke up with him bc im smaller now...and I shouldnt care about what others say, but for some reason, it does bother me..I guess I do care what others think?

if one of the main reasons you don't want to end it is because of what other people will think... then i think that says a lot right there. and it is totally normal to care what people think and there's nothing wrong with that to an extent. but really. screw them. it's your relationship, your body, and YOUR life. wasn't part of getting the surgery and losing the weight so that you could finally LIVE your life to it's fullest? so go do it and embrace your new confidence by giving a big middle finger to the jerks!

[crosseyedtango 35]

ALSO, you say he's been jealous all along. so obviously your weight loss is not the real issue. it is HIS issue. and maybe he thought by dating a bigger girl he wouldn't have to worry about it as much and now that you've lost some weight and gained some confidence he's feeling especially insecure. he's manipulative and controlling and always has been it's just now you're seeing the full extent of it. AND the fact that he claims he has no issue and won't even consider counseling just goes to show his true selfish nature. and also shows that you AREN'T this jerk he's making you out to be since you are the one encouraging counseling and making an effort to try to make things work.

sorry for all the comments/rants but damn, i just hate dudes like that. haha.

[delta_girl 931]

The worst relationship I have ever been in sounds a whole lot like this one. I thought I was so in love and could not think of us not being together.

Almost one year after our break-up, I look back and can't believe what I put up with and how unhealthy that relationship was. I am SO HAPPY to have moved on.

[MsFab1988 275]

thank u vsgaddict, it does feel like abuse, thats not good

crosseyedtango, I guess I care so much for his family, as we have become real close...but at the end, if its not meant to be then oh well..maybe we will just be friends...and yes I am aware that the weight loss is not the issues, its deeper than that...He has always been the issue, we argue for dumb stuff..but now im just getting annoyed that hes pointing the finger and blamming it on me changing from weight loss...wow smh

I do know that I can do better, people have always said that even when I was bigger...I think I have an issue letting him go, hes my comfort in a way..Hes my best friend, I share everything with him...Im very confused...it will take a while for me to figure out what im gonna do...thank you guys for all your comments, I do feel better

[kbby 39]

Girl. Leave his butt and go do you. Any man that would say that to you is wrong. You are young and have so much to look forward too. You dont need a man to hold you back and you dont know who is out there waiting to find you. Go have fun and live your life without regrets. Plus if he's been jealous the whole time then he has some major issues going on with HIM and it's probably something he wont ever get over. just my opinion.