Jealous boyfriend cannot handle my weight loss!

[Julieann87 19]

Sounds like a hold back!!! Congrats on your weight loss, don't pretty him hold you back your time is now... This if what you worked so hard for!!! I can't wait to be there to sister!!! Keep on keepin on =)

[maggie4778 22]

Hey girl! I'm 24 as well and I had the same issues with my bf!! I recently broke up with him 2 weeks ago because I could not take it anymore!! We were together for 3 1/2 years and I finally had the strength to leave him! I hope what you do is what is right for you. I feel happier than ever and don't regret it

[Frza 194]

RUN!

Seriously, get away while you can. Otherwise get ready for a long life of drama- yuck!

[Boston George 84]

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we met when I was at my biggest (288lbs) I have since lost almost 90 pounds. He was always jealous since the day I met him' date=' and was insecure as he always thought he would lose me (I dont know why) He's been supportive with my weight loss and I know he loves me whether im big or small. Only issue is that hes insecure and jealous. He does not like to party or go out. Hes boring! We always argue about this. When I was bigger, I would go out sometimes but didnt go out much just to make him happy and it didnt bother me as much as I didnt have much outfits. But now, sexy clothes fit me. I want to go out more, I want to live life, im 24! Im not trying to buy beautiful dresses so they can hang in my closet! lol...He doesnt like to go out so I go out with my girls. All of a sudden its a big issue. He claims that I have changed and that I think that Im all that, and thats why im going out. And I feared this the most as I dont want to come across as a person who changes after weight loss surgury. I havent changed, im still the same person just look better and have more confidence.I enjoy all the compliments I get, I know he hatesss seeing other men comment or like my pictures on Facebook. He always tries to make a point like "They didnt like you back then, but now they do. I was there when nobody wanted you". He will say stupid stuff like that and my response would be "You act like I was ugly or something lol I dated before you, men always liked me. Just so happened I dated you for the longest, and yeah most men do find me more attractive now, but that does not mean that Im going to leave u for them!" We fight almost every damn day. To the point where I ask myself what the hell am I still doing with him??? He makes me want to date other men.One time he just completely ignored me for 2 weeks. I kept calling and texting him but he wouldnt respond. So I said screw him, by the 4th day I went out to party. Within a week I started meeting new people trying to move on. I never took anyone serious but I def loved going out on dates. Then he just magically shows up after 2 weeks crying because Im having a great time. what does he think would happen when u ignore me without letting me know what i did wrong or even to verbally tell me that ur breaking up with me. And how do I know what hes doing? He just wants me to sit home and cry for 2 weeks like I dont have a life...

I do love him, he's my best friend, but damn, hes immature and he's making it seem like im the issue, when clearly he is.(Hes 23) If he would just go out with me, this wouldnt be an issue. He does dinner, movies, parks those type of things. But sometimes I just want to go to a lounge or a party and wear a dress, u know? I've spoken to him about this many times, We actually just went to dinner 2 hours ago and spoke about things. I invited him to a party on sat bc I brought a black dress that I want to wear as I am going to hit 199 in a few days!!! Im very excited about this, he is too but he still does not want to party! I suggested we go to the city to do something else then, anything just as long as I wear my dress. But in his head, he thinks that I have some sort of plan. He cursed me out and told me to go do what I want to do and that hes tired of this. This is sooo frustraing. Has anybody dealt with annoying bf/husband/gf/wife who cant handle your weightloss? And please give me ur opinions..thanks[/quote']

Because I went through the same with a insecure, possessive girl a few years back. I'll make it short. You are way too young to be dealing with this.Take my advice, your early 20's go by way too fast. We are only young once. Enjoy every second of it you can. Go out as much as you can, meet as many new people as you can. And more importantly have as much fun as you can. Im not saying break up with your boyfriend. But don't let anybody cause you drama and hold you back. Don't settle. I wish somebody told me this when I was 24. Let him know, this is what makes me happy now. Your going to do it, you would love him to come, but your going either way.

[theshrinkingchef 61]

I didn't really read through all of the posts, so this may be a repeat. you say he's been like this when you were heavier? And that he is supportive of your weight loss? No offense, but I seriously doubt it. It's not immaturity, it's insecurity. I seriously doubt that there is anything you do that's not going to be a problem for him, especially now that you are getting smaller. You said it....you want to wear sexy clothes and live! his insecurities are going to force you to compromise yourself everytime, especially if you feel guilted every time. Who cares what anyone thinks? What do you think? You want to break up with him? Do it! You want to stay with him? Stay. If you stay, stop complaining! Sorry, a little tough love. you know what you have and all of the advice in the world won't change anything unless you do. Trust me, I was in a relationship for 7 years, which was about 5 years too long. I was so miserable and I didn't feel like myself. I felt like I was going to go crazy. I cried all of the time and tried to convince myself he would change. never happend. It wasn't until I broke free that I really realized how miserable I was and how much of myself I lost. I kept ignoring my gut that kept screaming to end the relationship and suffered because of it. When I hear of women that are experiencing the same things, I have to stop and say something. I don't know you or him, but I know his type... I seem to attract those guys and I can honestly say he will not change and things may get worse as you get smaller. You'll either argue all of the time about going out and the clothes you wear or you'll be miserable because you're stuck at home trying to please him. Relationships are two way streets and there has to be balance. He should be, at the very least, be willing to meet you half way. If he doesn't or as you say, won't....the guess what? You have your answer. I'm certainly not encouraging you to break up, and I encourage you to try and work things out, but it sounds like he's pretty selfish. I'm sure it's not what you want to hear, but sometimes hearing it from a complete stranger, who's been there and done that( wasted my prime 20's on that dude), gives you a little perspective. Start thinking of your needs, it doesn't sound like he is. Good luck and best wishes. i hope everything works out( and I'm wrong! )

[Momonanomo 534]

Gosh him saying "They didn't like you back then, but now they do. I was there when nobody wanted you" is super manipulative. Don't fall for that -- just see it for what it is: manipulation.

If it were me, I would split with him. And make it very clear that the split is because of his insecure behavior, not because of any weight loss. He's got to stop this jealousy & insecurity or he'll never have a successful relationship in the future.

YOU on the other hand, have a chance to be happy in life! Control what you can -- YOU. You can't control him or change him. The best help you can be to him is to tell him the way he's been acting is what has led you to break it off. He may well be a great guy and all that, but he doesn't sound like the guy for you.

I strongly encourage you to not waste any more time on a relationship that makes you unhappy. I wasted too many years with a guy who drank too much. Then it dawned on me: Love is supposed to FEEL GOOD!

And a couple of years later, I met the love of my life

best of luck to you !

[MsFab1988 275]

Aww thanks so much for all of ur responses! Each and every reply is greatly appreciated. I believe that I myself have an issue. My issue is letting go of him bc I'm comfortable...just like how I was comfortable being big and hiding in clothes...as I lost weight, I had a hard time adjusting to people looking at my body...I'm getting use to it now, but at times it is still wierd...I believe that it's time for me to enjoy life without me n him being enemies...I want to go out and have fun before I have kids...Im not looking for a boyfriend, im just looking to be appreciated, and to be happy...once again thanks so much

[gettinMeBack 380]

My opinion is leave him now before it gets worst. Girl ur about to enter the world of onederland and u will feel soooo good about urself and u don't want to have to fight to feel good about urself and to show off ur hard work! If he's mad now at 199 (awesome loss girl) imagine how he's goin to act when ur 150-160?! Jealousy will drive a person to some many lengths that u don't expect from them, and how things are now a days ..it's just not worth it to live unhappily to satisfy someone else. I wish u the best!

[Toyaboo22 51]

I'm so glad that you decided to write this post because I'm actually going through this now with my husband. Since I have had the surgery and losing weight, I have been going through hell around here. If a guy posts or comment on my FB page, I'm being accused of sleeping with them. He now has concerns every time a notification comes through my phone throughout the day b/c he doesn't know if it's a text from a guy. It's been horrible. The thing is I lost weight a couple years back and he acted the same way. He was able to convince me to eat this and that and now that I look back did things that would prevent me from being active or trying to stay healthy. He would make the same comments about him being with me while I was overweight but I had also had plenty of boyfriends before him. I wish I would've listened to the voice in my head years ago to leave him because it's worst now that we're married with kids. We don't really talk these days b/c he flips out on me but I've tried to suggest counseling and sometimes he says okay and other times he doesn't want to consider it. He keeps saying "you're losing wieght so I know you're going to leave me when it's all gone". If I've stayed with him for 9 years of his crap, what would me losing weight have to do with anything. Girl, why you are not attached to him as his wife, just leave and don't deal with it. I am seriously considering divorce with this foolishness over here.

[#Redy4chg.org 40]

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we met when I was at my biggest (288lbs) I have since lost almost 90 pounds. He was always jealous since the day I met him' date=' and was insecure as he always thought he would lose me (I dont know why) He's been supportive with my weight loss and I know he loves me whether im big or small. Only issue is that hes insecure and jealous. He does not like to party or go out. Hes boring! We always argue about this. When I was bigger, I would go out sometimes but didnt go out much just to make him happy and it didnt bother me as much as I didnt have much outfits. But now, sexy clothes fit me. I want to go out more, I want to live life, im 24! Im not trying to buy beautiful dresses so they can hang in my closet! lol...He doesnt like to go out so I go out with my girls. All of a sudden its a big issue. He claims that I have changed and that I think that Im all that, and thats why im going out. And I feared this the most as I dont want to come across as a person who changes after weight loss surgury. I havent changed, im still the same person just look better and have more confidence.I enjoy all the compliments I get, I know he hatesss seeing other men comment or like my pictures on Facebook. He always tries to make a point like "They didnt like you back then, but now they do. I was there when nobody wanted you". He will say stupid stuff like that and my response would be "You act like I was ugly or something lol I dated before you, men always liked me. Just so happened I dated you for the longest, and yeah most men do find me more attractive now, but that does not mean that Im going to leave u for them!" We fight almost every damn day. To the point where I ask myself what the hell am I still doing with him??? He makes me want to date other men.One time he just completely ignored me for 2 weeks. I kept calling and texting him but he wouldnt respond. So I said screw him, by the 4th day I went out to party. Within a week I started meeting new people trying to move on. I never took anyone serious but I def loved going out on dates. Then he just magically shows up after 2 weeks crying because Im having a great time. what does he think would happen when u ignore me without letting me know what i did wrong or even to verbally tell me that ur breaking up with me. And how do I know what hes doing? He just wants me to sit home and cry for 2 weeks like I dont have a life...

I do love him, he's my best friend, but damn, hes immature and he's making it seem like im the issue, when clearly he is.(Hes 23) If he would just go out with me, this wouldnt be an issue. He does dinner, movies, parks those type of things. But sometimes I just want to go to a lounge or a party and wear a dress, u know? I've spoken to him about this many times, We actually just went to dinner 2 hours ago and spoke about things. I invited him to a party on sat bc I brought a black dress that I want to wear as I am going to hit 199 in a few days!!! Im very excited about this, he is too but he still does not want to party! I suggested we go to the city to do something else then, anything just as long as I wear my dress. But in his head, he thinks that I have some sort of plan. He cursed me out and told me to go do what I want to do and that hes tired of this. This is sooo frustraing. Has anybody dealt with annoying bf/husband/gf/wife who cant handle your weightloss? And please give me ur opinions..thanks[/quote']

You need to get away from this situation. This is dangerous. He does not love you. Controlling you and keeping you isolated is abuse. You are young and you have to experience what real love is and this ain't it. You need to be strategic because the jealousy can turn into obsession. Please seek some professional advice. I work in the mental health field. I'm not a therapist but have seen too many women in these situations and I've been one of them. Good luck.

[Woodsie86 0]

Its Feb 2013 and I'm living thru this RIGHT NOW! Thank you for this post. Its helps more than you know!

[missmeow 156]

You're 24. You're too young to be locked down with someone. Let him go and date and when your weight loss has settled and you have adjusted to your new you, find the real one.

This guy isn't going to change.

[LifetimeLoser 208]

lose him. He is just extra baggage. That is the hardest thing about getting healthier...sometimes the most healthiest things in your life are the people around you. If he cannot grow up and be happy for the both of you and you cannot grow together, then you guys aren't meant to be together. imo

[arthritis_me 12]

This is how i see it: if you want to marry this man then continue with him. Please don't expect him to change drastically. He will always be insecure, jealous and not want to go out. People don't change much. You need to adjust and be ok with this.

If you can't see yourself with this man for the rest of your life, the longer you stay in this relationship, the more difficult it is to get out. You also need to realise, you attracted what you got. Somehow when you met this man, you were ok with his insecure tendencies and you've attracted him to you. If you intend to move on, maybe evaluate if you come off to people in a confident manner. For example, my gf is ALWAYS asking for compliments an a variety of ways. Men sniff that sort of thing out quickly, I think she's lost alot of really great guys because she's always got to be the center of attention and she's either putting herself down to fish for compliments or asking straight out what something looks like. It's a turn off. I'm sure this isn't what you're doing, this is my example just from watching her but do take a look at why you attracted his type in the first place.