OMG! I HAVE SO SCREWED UP!

[Jessica9190 127]

Alright I'm going to post this but no judgement please.

I started this process three months ago. I finally got approved and I'm scheduled for Jan 10.

Now here's the problem I work in an office. I'm an accountant. I work with mostly women but my boss is male. I have not told ANYONE at work what I'm doing. I haven't worried about them finding out when I lose because I've lost and gained 70-100 lbs about 3x since I've been there they'll just think it's another one of my crazy diets. My boss's wife also works there and I'm afraid he'll tell her and it will be all over the company. There is a LOT of judgement and gossiping at my work and I just don't want to be the center of it. I decided that today I would just tell my boss I'm having surgery and if he asked details I'd say it's personal.

I totally mis prophesied how that would go!!! When I said I was having surgery of course he asked what for so I said it's personal and he said like what a hysterectomy? I was like no and then he was like is it major surgery? And I said yes and then he was like well what then? I said I don't want to get into all that and he was like ok if you don't want me to know (he was taking it really personal) I said its not that I just don't want EVERYONE to know. He said well I wasn't going to say anything. I told him I have just been stressed and having health problems because of it. Well anyway I ended up spouting out a bed of lies of how I have ulcers from stress, gallstones from bad gallbladder and a hernia that needs repair. I know I know that was so stupid and now typing it I feel even more ignorant and shallow and stupid. I just got super nervous and I let him get me all upset. He said is the surgery voluntary? (I got the idea he was referring to Lipo or a tummy tuck) I said well it's voluntary enough that I could go on hurting and being unhealthy but it's not liposuction or a nose job if that's what you mean.

My husband said I shouldn't have let the conversation go beyond I am not ready to talk about it but I didn't and I'm a retard!!!

I know that HIPPA laws protect my privacy and I didn't even have to tell him anything but we are all close and I am usually an open book. My boss just recently had surgery on his leg. It was shattered and he had to have multiple surgeries. Anyway he has been very open with all that so I guess I was just expected to be open like my usual self.

Anyway, I dug a super big hole and I feel guilty for lying and now I don't know what to do.

[enigmachik 403]

I'm not really sure how to offer you advice except to say I can understand. Of course lying wasn't the right approach, but I can see how it happened. The problem is that now when you start losing weight he is either going to worry that you are really sick (since you just had surgery and now you are losing weight), or he is going to figure out you lied to him. Neither of those are good. The first option opens you up to the temptation to lie even more and it will spiral out of control and you won't be able to enjoy the new, healthy you. The second option is to do nothing and hope he doesn't figure out it was all a lie. Your third option is to go in to work tomorrow and tell him you got super nervous talking to him because you didn't want him to judge you and so you told him something that wasn't entirely truthful and then come clean. I want to be clear that I really am not judging you or trying to tell you what to do. I have gotten myself into a few doozies in my life so I really really understand how this happened. But now you have to figure out what you are going to do. I suggest you really think through all of these possibilities and the consequences of each and decide prayerfully what your best option is. Hugs.

[sramos89 260]

If this was me, and trust me, this totally sounds like something I would have done. I would go to the boss asap and tell him you are having wls and that you intented on not telling anyone due to the judgement some people tend to pass on this sugery and when he pressed you got flustered and didn't know what to say. Tell him your doctor has urged you to have this procedure due to health concerns. There are too many lunch and food issues around work and your food and rapid weight loss are going to draw major attention to you. If your boss has your back then it will help. I only told one co-worker and boy was I glad, we were at a work lunch and the boss and others were almost force feeding me and commenting on what small amounts I was eating when she stepped in and helped me get out of it, by saying "she is doing so good on her diet". So it will help you in the long run to have an alli in this in the work place plus if you are like me, if you lose almost 50 pounds in 12 weeks people are going to be talking! I just tell people- I don't give a rats ass what they think of me, I am thrilled with my surgery and my skinny size 16 jeans.

[ReduceReuseRecycle-Me! 119]

That sucks! I hate more than anything having to fess up to something, but I think, if I were you, I would tuck my tail between my legs, swallow my shame, then go in and confess to lying. Maybe you'll be able to spin it a little in your favor. Really, it's his fault. He should never have asked you what the surgery is for. He overstepped the boundary. Good luck!

[delta_girl 931]

I actually don't think it is legal for him to ask you those questions because it violates HIPPA Laws and your health privacy. Your privacy is guaranteed.

http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacy/index.html

Your boss could actually find himself in quite a bit of hot Water for violating them.

[HELLO ITS ME CAMI 27]

The truth shall set you free. Good Luck with your surgery!!!!

[TerryBelieves 352]

Well I agree with the above posters. I work in a small office and I told everyone what my journey is. I wanted them to hear it from me! I have had so much support in my decision. I am glad I spoke up.

Good luck and congrats on your WLS!

[chad2rad 491]

Your boss defiantly over stepped his bounds. Even if he was genuine and caring, perhaps he should have not pushed you. You are still responsible for your response. I would go to him soon and tell the the truth, and apologize. Tell him u just got scared, overcompensated and this is a deeply personal decision. Thank him for caring and ask again this be kept in confidence.

Also want encourage you to examine your motives for worrying about others reactions do much. You are doing this for you. Show confidence in yourself and your decision. Most people will back off and respect you.

About 2 weeks before surgery I told everyone I could at work. It was the most freeing thing. No shame, no stories. I know that may not be your answer. But it did help embrace the new me.

Congrats on starting a new life. You will be awesome and do great.

[chad2rad 491]

Yeah, Hippa is serious. If he even tells his wife and others did find out not from you, it would be grounds for serious violation.

[karen_golfs 11]

I think I've done everything I can, short of posting on Facebook, to tell my friends about my upcoming surgery. I'm in agreement, confess and go from there. As women, it's so hard not to care about what other people think of us. We know we shouldn't care - but we all do. I applaud you in your efforts to be healthy. I wish you only the best in your journey.

[ttisawsm 138]

What a tangled web of lies! Ha jk! You know I was gonna keep it secret but I said F*** it and just told everyone at work up front to avoid lies and gossip!! I got a couple eye rolls and don't do its, but I'm doing this for me and not ashamed. Good luck And its no bodies business

[Tfunk 0]

I did the same thing. I am an attorney and had a similar discussion with a judge. I never owned up. I just felt I would lose too much credibility. I said the surgery was 'personal' and insinuated it was a female problem. If I'm questioned about it in the future I'm going to say that the surgery helped get me on the right track and enabled me to get healthy. At least that would be the truth. Focus on yourself, not everyone else.

[kmoore 97]

Your boss overstepped, yes, but did not, and cannot violate any HIPPA laws. The medical profession are the one's held to HIPPA, not some Joe Blow off the street. Him telling someone else would just be him violating a trust between you and him, not violating any laws.

That being said, your reaction sounds like something I would have done too. Don't beat yourself up. I think if I were in the same shoes, I would probably come clean about my lie. I have only encountered 2 people that were somewhat negative about my surgery, and was pleasantly surprised by the outpouring of support from so many others. Even if you catch flack from any of your coworkers, you can hold your skinny head high knowing you are happier and healthier

[BrokeMyHalo 107]

Once you tell, you can't untell.

I would just leave it. I barely told anyone I had a Lapband- so glad I didn't. Now with getting sleeved I plan on keeping it to myself !

[Jessica9190 127]

I thought about how I screwed this all up all throughout the night. Had trouble sleeping but couldn't get on my phone and talk to you guys lol. It was dead.

I'm going to try to fix it today. We are all too close and I don't want to have to continue lying.