Is It Ikay Not To Tell Anyone About My Little Secret?

[iris26 64]

I'm 40 yrs old and I just got approved for the sleeve surgery. The only people I have shared that I'm having surgery is my husband and my two teenager daughters, my mother in law which we have a very close relationship, and my friend Jennifer (who I met couple of months ago at my school). I don't plan to tell the rest of my family specially my sisters. I have two sisters and they have always been on my case of my weight. When we go shopping for clothes they try to make me feel better by picking out my outfits but they want to dress me like a skinny person. We are all very close family, we have always share everything but I know if I told them they would not approve of it. My oldest sister has lost 60 lbs doing the curve Protein diet and she is almost at her goal weight, and my middle sister has always been slimmed. Also, where I work everyone is healthy and fit. Out of 30 Human Resources Managers I'm the biggest. I hate going to the summits every year and everyone looks great except me. I'm having mix feeling not telling my parents? They are overseas until June 2013 and I'm not sure what I'm going to tell them when I see them. I know my coworkers that love to eat out every day are going to wonder why I'm just drinking Protein Shakes and not eating. If any one have any advise please share!

[SerendipityHappens 1,594]

My philosophy on telling something like this is that if you feel you made the wrong choice by not telling then you can always tell someone later on when you're 100% sure that your ready, but you can never "untell" someone.

[MoreganK 164]

Yes. You don't need to tell anyone you don't feel needs to know. I told my immediate family and my closest co-workers (who knew I went out on a LOA). No one else knows how I've lost weight. Whenever anyone asks, I tell them what is the truth, "I eat much smaller portions, exercise at least 15 minutes (usually more), and I don't eat white flour, Pasta, or rice."

I've only had one "friend" be a little snide who found out. She wants to lose 30 pounds, and go from her size 10 to a size 4.... *rolls eyes* So, she commented one day to me, that, "I've thought about taking the easy way out and do surgery like you. But, then decided I would do it the right way." Lets just say, I've started to distance myself from this person. Easy way!? PAH!

[Rootman 1,101]

I did exactly that, I told my wife and no one else. For some reason almost everything I do is picked apart incessantly by members of my family and I KNEW I HAD to do this and did not want to put up with he hassle or arguments. We have no kids so there was no issue there.

When I told them post-op they were all mad, despite them all being overweight and familiar with the issues of obesity, my sister had also had a duodenal switch bypass herself and lost and regained most of her weight.

Do what YOU want to do, this is YOUR decision.

[Cookiemonster73 92]

I haven't had surgery, doing all my pre-op testing...Terrible mistake I made was telling my older sister that is also overweight and suffering from hbp about the vsl ...No support, all she did was scream and yell over the phone...She said yhat surgery is not an option ... Also spoke to one of my sister-in-law and she just gave me all the complication and problem that can happen...smh,like seriously I don't know this!! I told my husband and he supports me...With that said Keep it to yourself!

[DanaMomto3 145]

My husband knows, and that is it for now. When I am officially approved, I will tell my mother. I am almost 40, and I do not want to hear anyone's comments good or bad. My mom will be mad and worried, but I have to tell her as I will need her to watch my kids the day of surgery.

[barbi1281 112]

I am selective about who I tell and I feel that this is my right and that no one is entitled to know every detail of my life unless I'm comfortable sharing it. There is nothing wrong with you assuming the same right. I agree that you can't untell someone and I'm glad I didn't tell everyone because I know how hard this is and if I decide that I'm going to tell someone, I am going to tell them the whole thing including how hard the process was and this is (and I seriously may strangle someone who tells me it's easy). Prior to my surgery though, the smallest group of people knew because I'd made my decision and I didn't need anyone's judgments one way or the other.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

I told everyone and I'm glad I did. I never solicited anyone's opinion about it except my wife. I've educated a few people about the true complications of WLS, most people's "common knowledge" is way off. I never heard a single negative comment, although I did see a few people biting their tongues. But thats okay, they don't have to agree with what I'm doing.

[Rootman 1,101]

I have to add that AFTER the surgery I told MORE people including my family and a few co-workers. After I lost enough for people to notice up till now in fact I tell EVERYONE in order to encourage them to do SOMETHING about their deadly obesity problem.

[iggychic 1,405]

My perspective on this is different than most because the surgery almost killed me. I originally was not going to tell anyone except my mom, husband and our nanny because I needed their support. My mom was worried, but supportive of anything I do, DH is very supportive and the nanny is a doll. But as I got closer to surgery I was having to lie constantly about not making plans with my dearest friends. I realized that this wasn't me. I am not a lier. I don't tell white lies and I don't hide facts. Doing so always causes trouble later down the line.

I took my dear friends to the beach a few days prior to surgery and told them. I also told them how easy the surgery is, how it was basically risk free for me (using my docs words because of my low bmi, no comorbidities, no risk factors) and that we'd be back on the beach the next week.

Then I went in for the simple surgery and came out in an ambulance needing blood transfusions, multiple trips to the er, 22 nights in the hospital, sixty days unable to care for my child or home....I thank god every day I chose the honest route. And that I chose to worry mom and my friends, instead of keeping it to myself. They were all so helpful to me and my family when I was ill or gone. Honestly they were my support system from the beginning to the end and I'm not sure if I'd have lied to them or withheld that they would have felt they wanted to provide that support. THey likely would have, but they would have been hurt I'm sure, and I don't want to see those I love hurt.

You could die on the operating table. You could have serious and life threatening complications. Do you love your family? I personally wouldn't want to die without having said goodbye prior to an elective procedure. I wouldn't do that to them. How would you feel if your daughter did that????? My heart would break if I felt my son couldn't tell me such an important thing about his life.

I didn't get a lot of negative responses, just concern. Concern is a good thing. These people love you and want you to be in their life so expressing concern is the right thing to do. If you really feel this is the right move for you, than you should be able to say that you've made your decision, you are moving forward and you want their support no matter how they feel because you love them. That's that. But say the things you need to say, just in case you end up like me...and it's not that rare sadly. =-

[lucky8mb1 167]

I'm not telling anyone. Just my husband knows. My kids are 5 and 8 and I don't want to scare them. I'm not close with my family and I hardly speak to them as it is, so that's that.

I may tell certain friends down the line, but we'll see. For now, there's no reason for them to know.

[asherje 81]

I've told close friends and family and that's about it. I work in a very caty environment where everyone one talks mess about everyone.

I've only had a few show indication they'd prefer I don't do it, but most have been very supportive or jealous lol.

Funny thing about secrets, you guys will get a kick out of this story:

Tuesday, leaving doctors office to go to medical center to see anesthesiologist ran into a co-worker in waiting room who was just as shocked and deer and headlight look when we saw each other. So cat was out of the bag for both of us. Turns out she had bypass done last week lol, and doesn't plan on letting anyone know.

So sometimes we have to own up and share even when we don't want to lol. I say it's none their business until you want it to be.

Also my son (5yrs old) and ex husband think I'm having my gallbladder removed. Son because I don't want to scare him or accidentally tell his dad.

[Tvorceskiy 6]

So far I have only told my brother whom I live with (we are very close) and eventually told my sister-in-law. I am waiting to tell my mother until everything is set in stone.

[Ballermom 803]

I am doing my pre op classes at This time. So far I've only told my DH and children. Some were not initially supportive. My DH is now very supportive . And a family member who had Gastric bypass surgery.

My mom, that im having GB surgery because she was not supportive when i brought it up in the beginning. Don't need people from all over in my business.As i get a date and i will find the time to tell her. but until then i wont worry her!

But, I had a close visit from out of town and it was sooo nice to share with her about the VSG that I was planning. It was hard to talk about. She lost weight with me years ago, kept hers off. I kept mine off too for a while, til i got pregnant.

But she soooo surprised me! She was the most understanding one!! I feel so good about telling her. Yea, it really helped to talk to a friend about this.

But that's totally it for now. I will not tell any one at my job unless afterwards i want to. Just telling the supervisor that I'm having surgery in a enough time to plan coverage.

[Ballermom 803]

My perspective on this is different than most because the surgery almost killed me. I originally was not going to tell anyone except my mom' date=' husband and our nanny because I needed their support. My mom was worried, but supportive of anything I do, DH is very supportive and the nanny is a doll. But as I got closer to surgery I was having to lie constantly about not making plans with my dearest friends. I realized that this wasn't me. I am not a lier. I don't tell white lies and I don't hide facts. Doing so always causes trouble later down the line.

I took my dear friends to the beach a few days prior to surgery and told them. I also told them how easy the surgery is, how it was basically risk free for me (using my docs words because of my low bmi, no comorbidities, no risk factors) and that we'd be back on the beach the next week.

Then I went in for the simple surgery and came out in an ambulance needing blood transfusions, multiple trips to the er, 22 nights in the hospital, sixty days unable to care for my child or home....I thank god every day I chose the honest route. And that I chose to worry mom and my friends, instead of keeping it to myself. They were all so helpful to me and my family when I was ill or gone. Honestly they were my support system from the beginning to the end and I'm not sure if I'd have lied to them or withheld that they would have felt they wanted to provide that support. THey likely would have, but they would have been hurt I'm sure, and I don't want to see those I love hurt.

You could die on the operating table. You could have serious and life threatening complications. Do you love your family? I personally wouldn't want to die without having said goodbye prior to an elective procedure. I wouldn't do that to them. How would you feel if your daughter did that????? My heart would break if I felt my son couldn't tell me such an important thing about his life.

I didn't get a lot of negative responses, just concern. Concern is a good thing. These people love you and want you to be in their life so expressing concern is the right thing to do. If you really feel this is the right move for you, than you should be able to say that you've made your decision, you are moving forward and you want their support no matter how they feel because you love them. That's that. But say the things you need to say, just in case you end up like me...and it's not that rare sadly. =-[/quote']

Thanks

You gave me some insight.

I would like to tell my mom. But she is closer to her many cousin than I am. If I tell her it will be like putting it on Facebook for relatives Lol

It concerns me though not being able to share.

Its even causing distance!

Thanks again for sharing.