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Do you all have meals together? Maybe they are afraid they'll lose you.

My dear Mother talks about food all the time...what's in the store, what's in her fridge, what's on food TV, recipes..... She feels useless if she can't feed everyone in her life...alot!

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Actually, I live on my own now with my boyfriend so I don't eat really any meals with my family, unless we go out together. Eating is a very big deal in my family (obviously) leading to my overweight issues. My dad really is the only one who understands b/c he doesnt assign such a meaning to food.< /p>

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I know...it would be wonderful. My dad truly is able to separate himself from emotion and meaning to food, he was able to lose about 60 lbs. just from stopping eating the "good stuff."

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Ever since I told my family about my decision to be banded they have been rather unsupportive. I sort of expected them to be not understanding and very unsure about the surgeon, but as my surgery date gets closer they become more unsupportive. I think that it is rather surprsing too since my mother and sister have struggled with their weight all their lives as well... :think

Well, to get to my thread title...Yesterday my boyfriend and I were explaining a few important details/facts to my sister and mom that were shared with us at my final surgeon consultation that I just had a few days ago. Truly, I was trying to help make them feel better about me having the surgery , sharing with them how the surgeon felt very positively about this surgery and the good experiences he has had and the minor complications...

And all my sister had to say was..."well, you know they are going to say good things because they are trying to selll the surgery to you since it is an elective surgery..." :cry

I felt really hurt by this, b/c not only did it insult my intelligence on making a major decision, but i feel like...would it kill you to say something encourageing? :mmph: She also asked me if I did any research on the surgery...well of coarse I have! She was very negatively questioning the long term rate of weight loss...i truly think she wants me to fail...

Any thoughts on this?

Thank you!

Dear Vegge,

You know you made the right decision.... sometimes our friends, family, etc. will try to sabotage positive changes due to the insecurity they have. If they are also overweight, then that means that they will in their eyes be not good enough because You have lost weight, they might also be afraid you will change, there might be a little envy also. Just because they are family, does not mean they are above it all... Family can also be anvious of other family.... Perhaps you can print out a study for them... make sure it is from a prestigious school or research company. Also show them some of the before and after pics on this board. Good luck! WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!

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    • BabySpoons

      Sometimes reading the posts here make me wonder if some people just weren't mentally ready for WLS and needed more time with the bariatric team psychiatrist. Complaining about the limited drink/food choices early on... blah..blah...blah. The living to eat mentality really needs to go and be replaced with eating to live. JS
      · 2 replies
      1. Bypass2Freedom

        We have to remember that everyone moves at their own pace. For some it may be harder to adjust, people may have other factors at play that feed into the unhealthy relationship with food e.g. eating disorders, trauma. I'd hope those who you are referring to address this outside of this forum, with a professional.


        This is a place to feel safe to vent, seek advice, hopefully without judgement.


        Compassion goes a long way :)

      2. BabySpoons

        Seems it would be more compassionate not to perform a WLS on someone until they are mentally ready for it. Unless of course they are on death's door...

    • Theweightisover2024🙌💪

      Question for anyone, how did you get your mind right before surgery? Like as far as eating better foods and just doing better in general? I'm having a really hard time with this. Any help is appreciated 🙏❤️
      · 2 replies
      1. NickelChip

        I had about 6 months between deciding to do surgery and getting scheduled. I came across the book The Pound of Cure by Dr. Matthew Weiner, a bariatric surgeon in Arizona, and started to implement some of the changes he recommended (and lost 13 lbs in the process without ever feeling deprived). The book is very simple, and the focus is on whole, plant based foods, but within reason. It's not an all or nothing approach, or going vegan or something, but focuses on improvement and aiming for getting it right 80-90% of the time. His suggestions are divided into 12 sections that you can tackle over time, perhaps one per month for a year if a person is just trying to improve nutrition and build good habits. They range from things like cutting out artificial sweetener or eating more beans to eating a pound of vegetables per day. I found it really effective pre-surgery and it's an eating style I will be working to get back to as I am further out from surgery and have more capacity. Small changes you can sustain will do the most for building good habits for life.

      2. Theweightisover2024🙌💪

        That sounds awesome. I'll have to check that out thanks!

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