Surgeon Salesmen?

[Veggestyle 0]

Ever since I told my family about my decision to be banded they have been rather unsupportive. I sort of expected them to be not understanding and very unsure about the surgeon, but as my surgery date gets closer they become more unsupportive. I think that it is rather surprsing too since my mother and sister have struggled with their weight all their lives as well... :think

Well, to get to my thread title...Yesterday my boyfriend and I were explaining a few important details/facts to my sister and mom that were shared with us at my final surgeon consultation that I just had a few days ago. Truly, I was trying to help make them feel better about me having the surgery , sharing with them how the surgeon felt very positively about this surgery and the good experiences he has had and the minor complications...

And all my sister had to say was..."well, you know they are going to say good things because they are trying to selll the surgery to you since it is an elective surgery..." :cry

I felt really hurt by this, b/c not only did it insult my intelligence on making a major decision, but i feel like...would it kill you to say something encourageing? :mmph: She also asked me if I did any research on the surgery...well of coarse I have! She was very negatively questioning the long term rate of weight loss...i truly think she wants me to fail...

Any thoughts on this?

Thank you!

[Veggestyle 0]

Oops..typo..I meant unsupportive about the "surgery" not the "surgeon"

[Iluvharleys 15]

The one thing that sticks out in your post is that they are struggling with their weight too. Could it be a bit of jelousy? All I can say is you have to do what is best for you, they'll come around in time. Follow your heart!

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

I agree that it very much could be jelousy. I think you need to remember that you are doing this FOR YOU, not them. And I agree that as your family you want them to supportive of you, but you are the most important issue in this equation. Their feelings of rudeness or distain are their own NOT YOURS! I hope they come around, but if it is jelousy it will only get worse as you loose!

SO ALWAYS remember this is about YOU!!! :clap2:

[Betsyjane 2]

Remember, if they are not supportive now, they may not be supportive after. Be alert of attempts to sabotage your program...whether they consciously mean to or not. They may be in denial about themselves, or acting like alcoholics who try to tempt a friend to go off the wagon so they don't have to look at their own issues. AND THEY WIN IF YOU ARE UPSET. Just keep saying they are who they are and I am who I am, and don't let them rattle you. Whatever they say has to do with them and not with you. Keep your peace.

[Veggestyle 0]

Thank you for the support and ecouragement. I do believe that part of it could be jealousy, but that is nothing that neither my sister nor my mom would ever admit, so really it is hard to know for sure. However, I know that my sister is very very self-conscious and she is larger than me...so maybe...and I know that she "enjoys" bonding with me and having the commradery of being "a large one."

However, they both claim that I should not do it and when asking them why, they respond because it sounds dangerous (especially with having the foreign body in my stomach). The more info. that I share with them, the more resistant they seem to be.

What are anyone's thoughts on a surgeon trying to "push" the surgery?

[em1125 0]

Veggestyle,

I honestly believe your family has all good intentions. They're worried about you having surgery. You can't blame them. Your family is your family and your mom and sister are very worried about you going through an elective and major surgery. They don't understand. I don't know your relationship but, to say that jealosy may play a part, is disturbing. They're your family. I can understand both sides. Don't be upset with them. Try to educate them and give them as much information that you can find about the surgery. When I told my mom about my decision, I asked her to come to the support group where the surgeon was going to speak about the surgery. I even had her speak with the surgeon herself. I did this to alleviate her anxiety. After that, she was more comfortable with my decision. She was very nervous for me and tried to talk me out of it in a loving way. I totaly understood where she was coming from. She loves me very much and worries about me. I didn't tell my sister until after the surgery b/c I knew she would be upset and nervous for me. I told her while I was in the hospital after the surgery had been done.

I would make an appointment or seek a support group on LapBand and bring your family. That may alleviate some of their anxiety. Try to put yourself in their shoes. I can truly understand how they feel.

You will do just fine. I wish you all the luck in the world. You will be so happy with your decision. Good luck.

[Betsyjane 2]

My problem is that I keep thinking people will think I'm a failure...that all I had to do was eat less and exercise more! But I also know that that is more about me than them....There's a little piece of me that kicks me for not being able to do it alone. I'll get over it!

[Veggestyle 0]

I can totally understand that BetsyJane...and my mom actually did say to me "why cant you just diet?" Well...just dieting... only works out for a very very small percentage of people long term and some of those amazing people are on this board. However, I have tried and tried and I dont feel that "just dieting and exercise" will change my life when that is exactly what I need! there are a variety of studies out there that show like only 5% of people or so are successful with dieting and then keeping the weight off long term the percentage becomes even lower...

I totally understand your concerns and I feel that this surgery is a tool "just like dieting" but is a more successful one if used correctly....Hope this helps..

[Veggestyle 0]

When do you plan on being banded? Where are you now in your journey?

[Betsyjane 2]

I'm going for my first consultation Wednesday with Dr. Spivak in Houston. I do wonder though...after reading the posts on this site...it sounds like it takes as much "will power" with the band as without, and I ain't been so good without! I am rehearsing in my head...eating slowly, loving broth, chewing alot, eating mindfully.

[KariK 0]

It does take will-power after having the band BetsyJane, but believe me when you give in to the temptation : 1) You physically can't pig out and 2) It hurts if you try. So the band does work lol, fortunately and unfortunately lol.

[Betsyjane 2]

Sounds like when an alcoholic takes anabuse, and then throws up if he takes alcohol. Sounds good to me!

[Veggestyle 0]

I have been trying to get into that same mindset as well. That is why I have begun to replace my lunches with Target's version of slimfat...right now...well, I am rather hungry...but i know it will all be worth it!

[Betsyjane 2]

Ha! I'm even worried about being able to comply with the PRE-op diet!