My Life Is Falling Apart

[Kentucky Girl 8]

I was sleeved on October 22 of this year. While lying in bed the night before my surgery, my husband tells me that he wants to leave me. I am devastated. I am already stressing about my surgery and he brings this up. My husband never complained about my weight as I was heavy when we married. Everyone has told me that he was just filling insecure about me losing weight after surgery. He left me on Tuesday, November 27. I am speechless and heartbroken. We would have been married 21 years on December 28.

Our upcoming anniversary makes matters even worse. I feel betrayed and afraid. I need all the prayers that I can get. I only have a couple of friends that I can cry to but neither of them attend church or have much experience with prayer and faith. I love my husband and I want him to return to me. I know that is has only been a few days but he has made some pretty drastic decisions this week and told me today that he will not come back and does not want to be married any more. The only way that he is going to return is for God to intervene. The thought of being alone and starting a life without him terrifies me. I need for all of my christian brothers and sisters to stand in faith with me. I need strength through all of this as I am not eating or taking my Vitamins or supplements so I am pretty drained both physically and mentally.

[SusieK710 130]

I will be praying for you. Get a copy of Dr. Dobsons "Love must be Tough". It will help you get your balance back. Bless you.

[I love my dachshunds 14]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. But most importantly you need to continue to take care of your self. You have to stay healthy no matter what happens. The lord never give us more than we can handle even though it doesn't seem that way. I will pray for you.

[diamondkized 70]

Oh my gosh! Reading your message really hit home with me as I am having issues in my marriage as well. I am not sleeved yet and I cannot imagine having to deal with that at this time. A few weeks ago i posted myself about my marriage and I felt as if my marriage was over as well. At this point I am not going to put much energyinto my husband staying or leaving because I feel that what will be- will be. I do not know what your marriage entails but if he made such a life changing decision there were signs somewhere. Often times we choose to ignore them. I am sorry that you are going through this but I pray that you gain clarity to the situation in its entirety and that you gain a peace of mind.

[LadyK 164]

Oh wow, sending a virtual hug your way I'm truly sorry for you having to experience this. I will definitely pray for you and your marriage. Marriage is something that the enemy absolutely hates and will stop at nothing to break one apart if he can. Believing in faith that the Lord will bless and comfort you during this time. I will pray that God will change his heart. Try to stay on track with your health, and be prepared this is definitely a spiritual battle, but God is most high and whatever the outcome may be you will come out on top of this tumult with flying colors. Read Romans 8:28 and hold on and be encouraged.

[becksnky 25]

I have yet to go through surgery, but I have been through my husband leaving. I know this must be devastating to you, as well as struggling to maintain your diet and care for yourself. Engage your family, friends to help you anyway they can. Talk to them, let them know how you feel. If they want to shop for you, sit with you, however, take them up on it. You must take care of yourself, one hour at a time, then one day at a time. That will add up to months, etc. The key is to TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH. You have made the most important step in securing your future health, the VSG. Just keep your faith. I'm a KY girl too, we are strong women.

[elizabethowen79 34]

I am so saddened by your situation. I can only imagine how hard this is, I was sleeved 3 weeks ago and the recovery itself is diifucult enough. I agree with the others, you MUST take care of yourself right now. Drink your fluids, get some Protein in and try to take the Vitamins. Soon enough you will be able to advance to more 'normal' food and hopefully get some good nutrition in that way.

Marriage counseling and/or personal counseling might be a good idea. At least maybe you and your husband may be able to talk about what is going on with the help of a counselor.

Look at it this way- if you end up in the hospital for dehydration/malnutrition, it will be harder to try to sort things out with your husband.

I hope things get better for you!

[HELLO ITS ME CAMI 27]

God Bless you and keep you during this difficult time. Your in my thoughts and prayers. Your sister in Christ.

[gmanbat 5,889]

I am so glad you acknowledge God to be your source of help through this. Your relationship to Him is your strength. He has been mine through cancer, surgery, and many a conflict.

I will tell you something now that I seldom talk about. I am so not proud of this. I left my wife for a 5 year period many years ago. It wasn't over her weight, the young woman I had during this period was heavier than her. I left her because I wanted to be bad, I was mad at God because I thought He was not backing me up in the battles that I was having pastoring churches. I blamed God for letting unruly church people rip me up and wanted to get back at Him.

My dear wife was devastated but kept her faith. All during this time my heart ached. I could never find complete happiness, never get drunk enough, wild enough, never eat my way out of feeling bad for my wife and daughter. I drew up divorce papers with a lawyer and gave them to her. She signed them but I never turned them in. I loved my girlfriend but not enough to overpower my conscience. When my daughter became pregnant it was my wake up call. I left my girlfriend and asked God to forgive me. He was right there with open arms. I am in tears right now thinking about it.

My wife took me back very soon after she realized that I was sincere. We rebuilt our lives and our marriage became stronger than it was before. My daughter had a beautiful girl who has been a great joy to me and everyone she meets, a special girl who loves God and has a heavy calling on her life. My wife and I went through WLS together and are enjoying our new slimness in Florida, serving God with my daughter and her daughters.

Kentucky Girl, I've shared this with you to encourage you to not lose hope. I put my wife through hell. Her heart broke a hundred times while I tried to harden mine. God never let loose of the vision He had for our marriage. She never lost her faith and down deep I never lost mine as hard as I tried to.

Please don't let your circumstance keep you from eating and taking care of yourself. Take care of the body God has given you and nourish the new body He has in store for you. Take care of yourself as a service to Him, let Him bless you. Remember, He loves you more than your husband ever did or ever could.

My wife and I will take you to prayer every day. Stay in the Word, my dear sister. You'll get through this dark time.

Gary Batchelder

Edited March 8, 2014 by gmanbat

[Kentucky Girl 8]

Thank you all for the prayers and encouragement. Thanks Gary for sharing your personal experience. I pray that God will give him a change of heart. Yesterday he went from telling me that he wouldn't file for divorce for 2 years to texting me this morning and telling me that he is filing in 6 months. Every day is getting more unbearable. I don't know how much more hurt my broken heart can take. He told me that we could go to christian counseling. We went 1 time, and he left that night. He keeps telling me that he has been wanting to leave for months. He wants to live the single life at 41 years old. I just pray that he regrets it before it is too late.

[Big Dee 4]

You need to focus on yourself right now, if you do that in a few months time when you a looking and feeling better he may very well have a change of heart. Who knows with Gods strength and grace you may not even want him then. Be strong and believe in yourself.

[Spatters3 315]

I pray you can find comfort by getting closer to God - go to every church service, join a prayer group, get active in some ministry. Surround yourself with kind and supportive people and keep busy. Do NOT sit at home in the dark being miserable. You will soon get over being sad about this and then, you'll get angry. Don't let the devil steal your joy *hug*.

Do you have children?

[Kristi64 33]

oh sweetie...my ex left me because i was fat. He also just came in one day..almost the excact day yours did 12 years ago and announced he no longer wished to be married. He has lived with someone ever since he left me has no plans of marrying her...I waited for years b4 i even went out on another date. I was devestated so I know excactly what you are going through. Just remember God is with you and He will be what you need to get through this. You obviously have prayers already from many here and I will pray for you as well. It wont be easy because the easiest thing to do is blame yourself for failing. You did not fail. YOu both took an oath before God for better and for worse...he left you and I will tell you this...if he doesnt come back you are better off without him and you will be happy again. Just trust God my friend....you have made a major decision to better your life and He will bless you for it. It will be ok...my heart, thought and prayers are with you.

~kris

[littlehope126 34]

Kentucky Girl, I am so sorry you are going through this pain right now. I've never been married, but I did have a devastating blow right before my surgery two weeks ago. Regardless of my circumstances I decided to go ahead with VGS. Everyday I have to lean heavily on God to help me through this situation. I suggest the same for you my sister. He will carry you when you cannot walk another step. He will dry every tear and this situation, as painful as it is, will be used for your good, because you love God and are called according to His purposes. Stand firm on the word. Read His promises, He won't let you down. I will pray for you my sister. God bless you and your family during this difficult time.

Kitoto

[Wolfgirl1978 256]

I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. You are in my prayers. Take care of yourself