Help - Marriage Post-Surgery?

[Dayo-dayo 7]

I'm schedule for my WLS in just over two weeks. My DH has been very difficult to get along with the past few weeks, and yesterday we had a big blow-out and the truth emerged. He's feeling a lot of anxiety and fear about the surgery... mainly worry about me and our relationship changing.

His experience has been how much people have changed after things like this, and he worries that I'm not going to want him anymore, and further drive a wedge in an already difficult relationhip. He feels that I'll want someone younger/more attractive when I'm feeling more attractive myself.

He's 12 years older than me, and is also overweight. We do have a pretty stressful and tumultous relationship, he's got some pretty heavy baggage from his past relationships, and we have a special needs child that is very high maintenance.

I've told him that I see this being a family change, and a lifestyle change for the both of us. That I hope that my journey helps him on his journey to become more healthy, and happy as well. He does want me to be happy, he's just worried it's going to be at the expense of our relationship.

I changed plans, and am having him come with me to my pre-op appt instead of my mother... hoping to have him feel like he's a part of this too.

I would LOVE some good advice about how to make this more positive for him, how to support him through my change, and help this... ???

[iegal 460]

Have you taken him to a surgery appointment? I did not involve my DH until I was 100% confident that this was for me. I think involving your DH will make him feel important part of this change.

You need to get to his real fears. Sounds like he is afraid that you are not only going to be younger but hotter when skinny and see him differently. Old and overweight. We all have insecurities. Find out what his are regarding surgery and assure him that you & he will be the same....only better!!

Congrats on your upcoming date. Hugs.

[Dayo-dayo 7]

Thanks, iegal...

Yes, my mom was going to go to my big pre-op appt with me, but yesterday after our big 'discussion' I changed plans for him to come with me instead. I figure that he needs to feel like he's a part of this, instead of it just happening around him.

I will keep reminding him...