Compliments/ Insults

[Pelekania 156]

To pick up a few extra hours for Christmas, I worked in a department that I do not work in on my normal work days. Soooo of course I am a new face and to make time pass, this young gentleman and I started chatting about any and everything. Well into the conversation, he makes the comment.. "you have a cute face." Moving on to the next day, an older gentleman from the same department tells me "you have a really pretty face" and since then every time he sees me he calls me "lady with the pretty face."

Now to get on to my rant...hehe Why can't people just compliment you, instead of specifying what exactly they are complimenting. For me, instead of hearing the supposed compliment, I hear an insult as well. I know I am not the only one that have experienced this.

What are some compliments/ insults that you received while you were bigger that could have been taken as an insult? I will list a few.

They say.... I hear(interpret)....

You have a pretty face. Your body is busted.

You dress nice, considering your size.

I interpret: Big people cannot dress.

Did HE just try and talk to your?

I interpret: Why isn't he interested in me, I'm smaller?

Girl, you better take what you can get!

I interpret: Being big makes me not have a preference??

[delta_girl 931]

I've heard the "pretty face" thing many times, always from men (never women).

That is exactly how I hear it. Your face is pretty but the rest of you isn't.

[Pelekania 156]

I've heard the "pretty face" thing many times, always from men (never women).

That is exactly how I hear it. Your face is pretty but the rest of you isn't.

Oh, I have heard it from older women as well. LOL They think they can say anything and it be okay.

[Rootman 1,101]

I'll take a stab at answering, although I risk your wrath and the wrath of the mods in doing so.

Men are animals, we think with the organ between our legs more than with the organ between our ears. That being said, there is a LOT of legality and negative social pressure in complimenting someone AT ALL. The men are complimenting you on the one or two things they probably CAN compliment you on without getting in trouble and losing their jobs or getting slapped in the face.

Please don't read anymore into their complements then there really is - a comment on how attractive you are without getting into improper behavior. Which would you rather have them do, refer to you as the "lady with the pretty face", or the "lady with the great knockers"? Or the "lady with the incredible round a$$". At least they ARE noticing. If them noticing AT ALL offends you then please say something to THEM, not us. Stop the problem tight where it starts. If that fails then take the issue up with your companies HR department.

Again, at the risk of encoring wrath I will go out on a limb and say that if your profile pic is ANYTHING like what you really look like then you have an incredibly pretty face, one that a lot of women would die for.

Again, just take it for what it is - a man saying as much as he CAN say without getting into too much trouble, and from what we can see here by your profile pic it is justified.

Please address any legal inquiries to my lawyers at Dewey, Cheatum and Howe, Cabridge MA.

[Tiffany Talbert Corbet 46]

In the "older woman" compliment/insult area....my grandma ALWAYS told me, "you'd be so pretty if you would just lose some weight".....really? I'm your oldest grand daughter and you don't think I'm pretty as I am? Thanks!

And, being a redhead, there's always the compliment on how pretty my hair color is, but never about any other aspect of me.

Or, my all time favorite....you have such a bubbly personality! (Too bad the rest of you doesn't quite measure up.)

Perhaps this is on us for being so negative in our self-image and how we see ourselves that we are interpreting things that aren't really implied.....though I don't believe that (at least not 100%).

Hopefully, my negative self image will change as quickly as my physical appearance.

[Ima Loser 197]

I can't even tell you the amount of times I have gotten the "you have such a pretty face" compliment.

[Ima Loser 197]

In the "older woman" compliment/insult area....my grandma ALWAYS told me, "you'd be so pretty if you would just lose some weight".....really? I'm your oldest grand daughter and you don't think I'm pretty as I am? Thanks!

And, being a redhead, there's always the compliment on how pretty my hair color is, but never about any other aspect of me.

Or, my all time favorite....you have such a bubbly personality! (Too bad the rest of you doesn't quite measure up.)

Perhaps this is on us for being so negative in our self-image and how we see ourselves that we are interpreting things that aren't really implied.....though I don't believe that (at least not 100%).

Hopefully, my negative self image will change as quickly as my physical appearance.

I am a redhead too and I ALWAYS get the "oh you have such nice hair" But people never seem to think it is natural!

[Pelekania 156]

I'll take a stab at answering, although I risk your wrath and the wrath of the mods in doing so.

Men are animals, we think with the organ between our legs more than with the organ between our ears. That being said, there is a LOT of legality and negative social pressure in complimenting someone AT ALL. The men are complimenting you on the one or two things they probably CAN compliment you on without getting in trouble and losing their jobs or getting slapped in the face.

Please don't read anymore into their complements then there really is - a comment on how attractive you are without getting into improper behavior. Which would you rather have them do, refer to you as the "lady with the pretty face", or the "lady with the great knockers"? Or the "lady with the incredible round a$$". At least they ARE noticing. If them noticing AT ALL offends you then please say something to THEM, not us. Stop the problem tight where it starts. If that fails then take the issue up with your companies HR department.

Again, at the risk of encoring wrath I will go out on a limb and say that if your profile pic is ANYTHING like what you really look like then you have an incredibly pretty face, one that a lot of women would die for.

Again, just take it for what it is - a man saying as much as he CAN say without getting into too much trouble, and from what we can see here by your profile pic it is justified.

Please address any legal inquiries to my lawyers at Dewey, Cheatum and Howe, Cabridge MA.

You do have a point in regard to what is acceptable in the work place to say, but why can't people just say you are pretty and leave it at that.

Which brings me to another saying...

You are pretty for a big girl. LOL, wth

When I was younger, I would really get upset. Now I just say thanks and keep on going. I wonder when I lose my excess weight if people will say, you have a pretty face for a small person...lol probably not.

[Pelekania 156]

In the "older woman" compliment/insult area....my grandma ALWAYS told me, "you'd be so pretty if you would just lose some weight".....really? I'm your oldest grand daughter and you don't think I'm pretty as I am? Thanks!

And, being a redhead, there's always the compliment on how pretty my hair color is, but never about any other aspect of me.

Or, my all time favorite....you have such a bubbly personality! (Too bad the rest of you doesn't quite measure up.)

Perhaps this is on us for being so negative in our self-image and how we see ourselves that we are interpreting things that aren't really implied.....though I don't believe that (at least not 100%).

Hopefully, my negative self image will change as quickly as my physical appearance.

It's funny and not at the same time. We could definitely be reading more into the comment than necessary, but I don't really think so because when you hear someone compliment a smaller person...it just sounds different.

I have never been much of a dater or had too many boyfriends. And one family gathering another person had asked me why such a pretty lady different have one and my grandmother (she had a little too much to drink) proceeds to answer for me and say because she has a problem with her weight. How did she come to that conclusion? Like why couldn't me loving being single and traveling be the truth. Plus I don't take everyone I meet over to chat with my family.

[Tiffany Talbert Corbet 46]

I hear you loud and clear. For some reason, offending overweight people and being condicending to them seems to be an acceptable thing when any other kind of offense (race, religion, handicap, etc.) seems to cause outrage. It's an age-old issue. It's been going on forever. For some reason we're expected to take it in and deal with it instead of people being taught that socially they need to be more aware about what they're saying and the negative impact it can have.

Guess that makes us the 'bigger' person for being able to handle the ridicule without killing people! (Pun FULLY intended.)

What will be more fun will be getting to goal and then seeing the comments that are made. Those people who think we're "pretty" now, will be those who are jealous first and start hitting us with "are you sure you're not losing too much"? They'll never be satisfied. All we can do is be our own cheerleader and take their comments (good and bad) with a grain of salt. They will NEVER be satisfied because there is apparently something about us that makes them feel inferior so they have to make degrading comments. BRING IT ON...I say.

[delta_girl 931]

It's funny and not at the same time. We could definitely be reading more into the comment than necessary, but I don't really think so because when you hear someone compliment a smaller person...it just sounds different.

I have never been much of a dater or had too many boyfriends. And one family gathering another person had asked me why such a pretty lady different have one and my grandmother (she had a little too much to drink) proceeds to answer for me and say because she has a problem with her weight. How did she come to that conclusion? Like why couldn't me loving being single and traveling be the truth. Plus I don't take everyone I meet over to chat with my family.

I had forgotten all about my grandmother telling me the same thing until now. She would say how pretty I would be if I lost weight. Ironically she was quite overweight herself.

And I can still remember a boy I had a crush on in 6th grade telling me he would like me if I lost weight.

[SerendipityHappens 1,594]

Rootman, I get that you are a decent human, but you get all your advice from Click and Clack, the tappit brothers, don't you? I get what you're saying, but this is something that fat women get almost universally and it definitely feels like a backhanded compliment.

"you have such a pretty face" = too bad the rest of you makes me want to burn my eyes out with a red-hot fire poker

My favorite one is one that you'll get from the uber-religious... "you have such a sweet spirit" = Jesus loves you even though most people can't stand to look at you and you'll never find love in this life because of your hideousness.

I've also on more than one occassion been grilled by people at the summit of mountains wanting to know how I got to the top. I had one person actually ask me if there was a road for cars to get to the summit... UM, I got to the top by hiking my big fat azz up here... It's shocking I know, because fat women are supposed to sit around in yoga pants all day watching Dr. Phil and drinking bacon grease.

[Rootman 1,101]

Well, I can see that I stepped right into it didn't I.

When I say to a woman YOU HAVE A PRETTY FACE, it MEANS that she has a pretty face. I typically have no other meaning other than the fact that I know I CANNOT venture past that, doing so may jeopardize my job, my marriage and my legal standing.

Why not just take it for what it was, a compliment. Yes ladies, we ARE that shallow.

[DianaE 128]

I am just as bad about what I say about myself. I dont handle compliments well because I dont believe they are sincere. I do like complimnets about my clothes or shoes or hair, but nothing else. I say negative things about my self trying to be humorous when I get uncomfortabel., For example, I bump bootys with the person working the cash register behind me - I am like "oops I also beep when I back up" LOL,,, Because in my mind when our bootys bumped they immediately thought something negative about me anyways... I know, i have some issues and I am going to counseling but this is from years of being ovewrweight and trying to protect my feelings..

[iggychic 1,405]

I gotta step in for rootman here. There is something to his issues with the current work environment. If a man told me I was beautiful in the course of a work day and I worked with him, I'd probably be concerned about that if it wasn't somehow directly related to a comment I'd made. You just can't say that stuff anymore. I can't tell a man he's handsome at work either, but I can see myself saying something like "Did you use that gorgeous smile to get your way into the grumps door?" over a beer and I wouldn't have to worry about it being a sexual harassment issue.

OP, you do have a beautiful face actually if I were complimenting you I'd say you have a smile that lights up a room, because from your pic it appears you do. I don't mean to be discussing the size of your bumm or anything else, you just have a very infectious smile from what I can see.

I do get that sometimes there are sideways compliments. Really I do But I put it in the context of the person who is giving them. I don't surround myself with people who do that (yes I know you can't pick your coworkers unfortunately) but I think some of the things you are worried about aren't negative...you are reading too much into them. "Did he talk to you" could mean...umm did he talk to you? I have had a crush on him for weeks...dang! Or the red head thing....I get and have always gotten (even as a size 2) compliments about my red hair. It is long, full, always styled cuz I'm a hair freak, and frankly it's beautiful I have good red head family genes fortunately. I hear my 7 year old son get the same compliments so, given he's skinny as a rail, I'm assuming the compliments aren't an insult about the size of his or my bumm

And yes, I did used to get a lot of "is it real" heh heh But now my son's hair backs up my story (and ummm truth? it's gotten duller since moving to alaska so it's somewhat artificially inseminated with henna LOL but it's "real" hair).

I'd never say to someone that they had a pretty face mind you. I get the concern that you feel there. I'd stick to the gorgeous smile compliment...but would that offend???? Maybe, though I'd never say it as a back handed insult.