Lack Of Home Support

[johnlatte 1,232]

Hey all,

I'm new here and just got sleeved this week. I'm doing fine so far, but am having the usual problems with head hunger and trying to break out of the munchies mode. My big problem now is that I have zero support at home. My wife had RNY several years ago, but has gained back most of the weight. She has no problem going in the kitchen and whipping up a big meal for her and the kids and sitting down in front of me and chowing down. This morning she made waffles with fruit and bacon of all things. Easily one of my favorite breakfasts and sat down as I was choking back my pills with a bottle of Water and started eating. I simply said, "that really looks good" This wasn't the first time since I've been home from the hospitial, that she's done this. She asks me if I wanted her to move into the dining room and eat, which I replied yes. She gets all po'd about it. I mean I don't mind her making meals for her and the kids, but to sit down in front of me and chow down is just plain cruel. I supported her 100% when she when through her surgery. I didn't eat around her, I cooked what ever she wanted or needed. She's told me she won't be the food police and that its up to me to decide what I want to eat. I get that, but a little help would be nice. She controls the kitchen, not me. If I go and cook something she gets pissed because I am in her kitchen. I don't know what to do. I am so committed to making this sleeve thing work. I have to change my habits, but I am only human, and can't overnight become something different. It just sucks that she would act like this, when I need her the most. I am really afraid this is going to drive an already decent wedge in our marraige even further. I just don't know what to do....

Sorry for the rant. I have no one that I can talk to about this. I just wanted to get it off my chest.

[kbby 39]

I'm sorry that she's being that way. Maybe you should talk to her and just let her know that you fully supported her when she went through her wls and that you would like the same kind of support. Good Luck.

[phenetra 26]

I agree with Kbby, just sit her down and tell her what you need from her...I knew I was going

to have the surgery but my family was part of the process, so maybe the WHOLE family

can get invovle....good luck

[TheGamer 406]

Without knowing her, I'm wondering how much your desire for and attention to succeeding is (consciously or not) reminding her of the fact that she's tried and failed to lose weight? I wouldn't say the lack of support and semi-sabotage attempts are conscious or even deliberate but I would guess that it's probably a factor in the behavior you're seeing. As we've all been there and done that in regards to weight loss, we know that every failed diet leaves us feeling worse than before. She did the more drastic surgery and it didn't work.

Should she be supporting you? Yes, 100% she should. But we're only human, and if you succeed, it's only going to remind her that she failed.

[desertmom 297]

Hi

Wrote you a long post and it didnt save..suppose it wasnt meant to be..lol

So,short post.

STEP AWAY FROM THE TABLE WHEN THEY EAT!You dont have to be there for now and do make your own food and drink,it is your responsibilty!DONT TORTURE yourself!It is not necessary.Dont make excuses for this at all,you are just one week post op and not even eating yet!

And she must be feeling aweful at some level for regaining her weight.Being a little spiteful at this point is called the human condition...lol.Forgive her!Do not expect or rely on that kind of support from her and your life will be much easier.Just do your own thing as far as food is concerned,at least for now.Have a little bit of a thick skin as far as the kitchen thing is concerned and pretend not to notice her being PO'd.But be nice ok?Be a great husband and father in all other aspects and excuse yourself from their food life.And dont cook anything you cannot eat,only see to yourself in the shake, broth and drinks for now.

Good luck and when you can eat,if you have to make your own food,do it!