Feeling Alone

[minnieme 9]

I set a date for my surgery in January. But truth of the matter is that I have a bad marriage which causes lots of problems, I have no support and don't know if I should go through with it. I don't want yo postpone my surgery since I did that once in 2010 for the reasons stated above. I tell myself that I need to do this for me regardless if I have support or not but truth of the matter is that support is key for success. What do I do? I fear I won't be successful because of all the emotional stress I am under HELP!

[ttammara 11]

I am sorry you feel alone, but you just don't realize you do have support. You just need to utilize this site. Do not postone your surgery. You are 100% right you are doing this for yourself. You will feel so much better once you do this for YOU. You might postpone the surgery and not have the opportunity to have it again. I will keep you in my prayers.

[mwrarr 244]

I can relate. I had a terrible marriage, and everything I tried to do to better myself, he'd have a snarky comment about. I had considered RNY at the time (bc VSG wasn't an option) and he fought me the whole way, even talked down to me about "normal people don't need outside help or Groups or meetings...they just quit whining and DO IT." I wish I had just done it for ME, anyhow. It wouldn't have fixed my marriage, but it might have prevented 6 more years of self-esteem issues that *maybe* were weight related. I can't really tell you what's right for you, but if you think you have even a pinch enough in you to be strong for yourself...do it. You might surprise yourself at just how much power you still have inside you. :}

347*294/284/135 (*347HW/294SSW) | (twitter) @Mwrarr | mwrarr.wordpress.com

[juny 93]

I feel the same way in totally different circumstances. No husband, I'm currently living at my parents home until I get this surgery. Which is just fabulous let me tell you.... When I told my mom in May that this was what I was doing she wasn't a fan but left it alone. Now the closer we get she insists that I'm normal and that it's really all just down to me really, you know....trying....She goes on and on about a distant cousin who's throwing up all the time. It doesn't matter one bit that I tell her that the cousin in question was 500lbs (200lbs on me), had no pre op diet, no counseling, no preparation for a gastric bypass that she didn't really want in the first place.

It's so frustrating to have someone living in the same house who is so against what you're trying to do. Every time we bump heads about it i just don't want her to even bother coming to the hospital. But I need someone to drive me there and back. It's so strange to me that her definition of love is to stop me from doing this crazy thing and my definition is accepting and supporting someone's decision. That these two ideas are constantly in conflict and are just going to get worse until the day after my surgery in February. I don't want to have any more conversations w/ her about this because all it does is bring up the fact that we do not agree on what's best for me.

God forbid something goes wrong and I really need someone and all I have is that lady telling me,'i told you so.'

Sorry for hijacking. I have to vent every freaking time I talk to her about this now.......But I"m still going to do it and so are you. We're going to be fine and everyone else is just going to have to get out of the way. When we finally get to our goals we can look at the people who tried to stop us from becoming the fabulous people we're working on. Then we get to say we told them so. The alternative is unacceptable, I am not waiting another year for my life to begin in earnest.

Good luck!

[minnieme 9]

Thank you all for your wise words of encouragement. When I posted this thread earlier, I truly felt like backing out but after reading All of your comments, I get a feeling of empowerment and courage to go through with it. Ttammara: thank you for making me realize that I count with all of you as my support.

[Prudy 1]

I set a date for my surgery in January. But truth of the matter is that I have a bad marriage which causes lots of problems' date=' I have no support and don't know if I should go through with it. I don't want yo postpone my surgery since I did that once in 2010 for the reasons stated above. I tell myself that I need to do this for me regardless if I have support or not but truth of the matter is that support is key for success. What do I do? I fear I won't be successful because of all the emotional stress I am under HELP![/quote']

DO IT! I have similar problems. My life has been on hold for reasons such as yours and others and it only makes you more miserable to not move forward with YOUR life. You are frozen if you keep thinking this way. Be fearless and just do it! It's for your health and happiness. You will then feel stronger to carry on. I know how it feels and fear is a big part of it...of just moving on. To change course causes fear but if it's to positive change for you and only you your in the right path. Just think about it like you are being proactive with your health and quality of life, mentally and physically. Do it before its too late, don't wait for things to get better when we don't take steps for ourselves it most likely be worse later. I can't even begin to tell you how bad my life got everytime i waited. So it gets harder not easier. Having said all this....I'm gonna get sleeved Monday! You will be amazed how many people will respect you and support you if you take a different attitude. Anyways I'm here and I been attentiding support group and they have Been my rock! Wish you well and I know you can do it! You have the desire to change if your at this stage so go for it!

[ttammara 11]

It saddened my heart when I read your post. When I look through the post on this site I can feel such joy and excitement when people post they were approved for their surgery. Continue in your journey to find health and happiness. You will find much support on this site and check for any local WLS support groups. Feel free to email me my email address is on my profile.

[moregoodtimes 331]

You should go back and read chad2rad's story. A few months ago he was going through a difficult time, similar to yours....problems with marriage, no others to support him, etc. He had no one to be with him at hospital or to bring him home. He pushed forward for his own well-being and has recently posted to threads in ways that show he made a right choice for himself. He seems excited about the new him and his new way of life. Bottom line...we cannot expect others to put us first. It is our job to take care of us and when we do, we are able to help others. I personally sacrificed myself for others over myself for years and years- children, husband, my job, etc I would not change THAT part of my life, but if i could have a do over, I'd have taken better care of me also. I would encourage you to try to look beyond the immediate situation and really focus on all the years ahead and what you want for yourself in 5-10-20 years out. Don't wait until your nearly 60 like me to finally realize I deserve the best life possible as well. What actions can you take now which will best help you get there- where you'd like to be? Your answers are for you to decide. We can support you with the decision, but you have to be the one to make it. Sincere best wishes.

MGT

[doxieville 799]

MGT- thanks for posting abt Chad2rad. I was just doing a search to confirm if that was him.

To the OP, contact Chad. I am buddies with him on My Fitness Planner and he's a great guy. I remember when he first posted on here. Now, wow! He's got so much more self esteem and is enjoying life, going out to eat with friends.

You CAN do this. Yes, it will be hard. The fear of the unknown can be paralyzing. But it can also be liberating and amazing.

Hugs!!

[Queen of Crop 1,104]

These posts make me feel so grateful for the love and support I had through this. For those of you who don't have the physical support; like those before me stated...use this site as much as you can! I have to say that I have so much admiration for each and every one of you who do this under tough circumstances...it shows you are strong to begin with; and once you start feeling healthier and start looking better, there will be NO stopping you then! Your self-worth, self-confidence and joy of life will return and you will attract people who are like minded. You have miles and miles to go; get this done and get on with the business of living a full life. My guess is that you will be back on this forum in a few months time rooting others on that are in a similar situation. Keep us posted and stay strong. This is all about you for a change. Good luck to each one of you.

[Ssilian 67]

Dear Minnieme,

If it wasnt for this forum, I think I would have backed out of surgery several times. (Btw, MGT, I felt like I was reading about me in ur post - Im 55 and have always done for everyone else!). My surgery was mid-June and I'm down 53 lbs. Sooooo glad I did this. You can post on here right up until you're getting ready to be wheeled in for surgery and there will be someone here for you. Btw, my esteem has risen so much that sometimes when I'm talking and laffing to someone I stop dead and think "hey I remember that woman from years ago!" Good luck!!!

[SweetTee 448]

You are not alone. This forum has many caring people who are willing to be your support system. There are people willing to be travel companions if needed! You have to take charge of your life and do something to make you feel better. You have to love yourself above all! I think that we women can get so caught up in caring for others that we allow ourselves to get lost by the wayside. This journey is about doing something for US! I'm always here if you need to vent or talk. Just step out on faith! God will supply all your NEEDS!