So, My Critical Mother.....

[doxieville 799]

..yesterday brought over a mail order magazine and told me 'you can get clothing ideas from here.' Okaaaayyy.... Um, thanks Mom? I looked at it and it was for plus sized woman!!!!! I am wearing a loose 18, could prob fit in a 16. She's never said ONE thing about my 50 pound loss. Sas.

[doxieville 799]

Last word was supposed to be 'sad'. I hate that the iphone app cuts off the viewing screen when creating a new thread.

Anyway, last month I actually asked her what she thought of my weight loss and she said 'oh, you always look nice.'

Relatives....

[taralynneRN59 20]

I am sorry you felt bad! In your mom's defense, maybe she feels like if she is too complimentary, she will be insulting you on how you looked before! My mom is like that also - trying to get a straight and honest opinion is like pulling teeth. Your are right though "Relatives; you can't live with them and you can't throw them under the bus"!!!!! Congratulations on your loss and good luck for the rest!! Tara

[gmanbat 5,889]

It seems parents have a hard time moving with the changes occurring in their children. When I was a lad I was underweight and weak due to sicknesses. My appetite was lacking and Mom got me black strap molasses to cure it, which it did.

When I went out on my own and called Mom she would always ask me if I were eating enough. My reply was, "Yes, Mom, I am quite overweight."

That would not prevent her from asking again the next time.

I was still that skinny, freckle-faced boy.

[doxieville 799]

Thanks Tara! I really haven't figured this one out. She's a bit overweight and has always had battles with her weight. Yep, I 'learned' her eating habits & issues quite well as a youngster. Reward & comfort with food.

I knew that she and my sister (also overweight, who is now 'competing' with me and losing weight on her own. I am happy for her and find her competitiveness amusing. But if it gets her healthy, yah!). Anyway, they would both have flipped if they knew I had surgery to lose weight. I told them, and everyone except my son & hubby, that I had a wonky stomach and Bariatric surgery was the only way to fix it. Lol. It's KINDA true!!

[doxieville 799]

Gmanbat, you are right. You really are. I always had stomach issues as a kid. I now know it was stress resulting from an abusive, violent father. Her main concern last night was how did my stomach feel these days. So maybe she truly doesn't SEE the weight loss. Thanks for pointing that out.

[taralynneRN59 20]

_{LOL!! I told my mom and sister I was going to have the surgery (Dec 10) because it really messed up all of our "holiday routines". But now my sis - who is about the same size I am is trying to prove that she can do it on her own. At work I have heard "if the pre op and post op diet is so strict, why have the surgery? why not do it on your own? so I just let it pass me by! I have not told my kids however, they all live out of state and I do not want to deal with the constant questions and checking up on me!! And plus my oldest daughter (a 35 year old hippy) is in to "totally natural", the hardest part is to remember to only post stuff on this site and not my facebook!!! Good luck with your continued weight loss, and just plan on buying that Victoria's Secret catalog before long!!! Tara}

[doxieville 799]

LOL Tara!!! Sisters can have such complicated relationships! And if it were only that easy to just keep doing the pre-op/post-op diet! I'll bet we have all done a similar 'diet' only to gain all the weight back.

Oh yeah, your hippie daughter would def give you grief!! I've had 'health nuts' (and I mean the extremes here people, not someone who eats healthy) who are total strangers in health food stores start to lecture me. People can really be judgmental and jump to conclusions. 'Fat* person in a health food store!! Danger, danger! Must go lecture and rescue from total destruction!!'

*i'm just being silly. Don't anyone jump all over me.

[Barisaxylady 154]

_{LOL!! I told my mom and sister I was going to have the surgery (Dec 10) because it really messed up all of our "holiday routines". But now my sis - who is about the same size I am is trying to prove that she can do it on her own. At work I have heard "if the pre op and post op diet is so strict' date=' why have the surgery? why not do it on your own? so I just let it pass me by! I have not told my kids however, they all live out of state and I do not want to deal with the constant questions and checking up on me!! And plus my oldest daughter (a 35 year old hippy) is in to "totally natural", the hardest part is to remember to only post stuff on this site and not my facebook!!! Good luck with your continued weight loss, and just plan on buying that Victoria's Secret catalog before long!!! Tara[/sub']}

_{I opened a second Facebook account just for my WLS. I only have WLS friends on there so I can post about my victories and struggles.}

[*Dean* 1,594]

Most people don't like change. Unfortunately sometimes they're the friends and family we love. Take strength from the people who support you.

I think for some parents as well, they know that they may have had a hand in their childs unhealthy relationship with food and they're weight problem. Maybe minimising the problem is out of guilt, for some.

[Carol Watts 67]

I have the same problem, but mine is my grown kids. My step children is very supportive. Not my kids though. My husband even thinks my oldest is jealous, because she is struggling with weight issues. She won't call or anything since I had surgery I have to do all the calling. So I totally understand how you feel.

[doxieville 799]

Most people don't like change. Unfortunately sometimes they're the friends and family we love. Take strength from the people who support you.

I think for some parents as well' date=' they know that they may have had a hand in their childs unhealthy relationship with food and they're weight problem. Maybe minimising the problem is out of guilt, for some.[/quote']

Very true! I know that my mom does feel guilty, but I never thought that my weight loss would make her feel more guilt. Good point. Thanks!

[doxieville 799]

I have the same problem' date=' but mine is my grown kids. My step children is very supportive. Not my kids though. My husband even thinks my oldest is jealous, because she is struggling with weight issues. She won't call or anything since I had surgery I have to do all the calling. So I totally understand how you feel.[/quote']

I feel sad for you. Hugs! This is such an awakening & happy time for us, even though we are struggling. It's a shame when we can't share our success with our close loved ones. I have however, noticed that with both friends & family, if the response isn't positive, then it's negative based on jealousy. That is what surprises me the most. Jealousy really changes peoples personalities. I started to find myself poohooing my success and stressing how WLS is truly a difficult path to take. I was putting myself down to make others feel better about themselves. When I realized how negatively it was affecting me, I stopped. Now people can be happy for me or just not talk about it!! So I guess my mom fits into the category of not talking about it.

[*Dean* 1,594]

One thing I know for sure is that we aren't responsible for how other people feel in reaction to us trying to be better, healthy people. They own their own feelings and thoughts. You should never put yourself down to make someone else feel better, no matter who it is.

[kyllfalcon 768]

I am sorry that your mom isn't noticing or as supportive as you need her to be. Mine, if she were alive, would not have been either. She strongly disapproved of my cutting my nose hair, and you should have heard it when I had breast reduction! Her comment was, "Well, if it offends you, you just cut it off!"

On the flip side, I recently got together with all my family due to a death. Of course they noticed the weight loss, and asked how I did it. I told them the truth, and every last one of them, some pushing 80, were supportive and inquisitive about my new life style. I was very proud of them!

Take your support where you find it. We all want our mothers' approval, and most of us never get it.