I Want To Scream And Have A Tantrum...

[LadyK 164]

BUT, I shall remain a lady and be calm...I am absolutely livid at the fact that I am EXACTLY 8 weeks tomorrow and I know it's Thanksgiving, but this has been going on for 9 weeks now (1 week pre-op) I have discussed this several times with my husband about us changing our eating habits together. Pre-op was hell week for me because I had to fight my own self with cravings and still had to watch my husband eat whatever he wanted. I am so hurt and sad right now I want to cry, but I won't cause I just don't feel like talking about it again, when I feel so angry as well. He just came in with 2 bags of chips, 2 packs of Cookies, and a pecan pie. I didn't say anything, but he said well I figure it's Thanksgiving tomorrow, and your going to eat dessert over your mom's anyway, you might as well eat some tonight. At that point I kept my cool, but I am so ready to take all of that stuff and throw it off the nearest cliff...How do I get my family on board with eating portions and in moderation, I don't have a problem with a treats ,but that much all at once is getting old. I used to be able to put most of that away in a matter of minutes, but not anymore I refuse to go back to 480 lbs....as I sit here calmly with my Protein Shake please give me some suggestions to change the eating habits here. We are raising 2 girls and it would hurt my heart to see them look in the mirror at themselves and see what I used to see...I also love my husband dearly, he has high bp too, I want him to get healthy too. It's been 8 weeks and I think it's getting to be ridiculous with the portions. I'm trying to remain calm, over the weeks I've cried, screamed and not said anything, what else do I do?....

[tjloser 62]

Ladyk I'm sorry that you are going through this, but the changes you made are what you decided to make. You can't force other people to make those same changes or any for that matter. Just like you had to decide for yourself, your husband will have to make that choice for himself. If you push him, he may resent it. But you just have to keep doing what you know is best for you and set the example for your family, and hopefully your husband will see how serious this is to you and decide to make changes for his-self. I know it's hard, I have some of the same problems with older kids who buy for themselves, but I know the reason why I had this surgery and I try to stick to my plan as much as possible. It's not easy but hang in there.

[JennieDK 26]

I completely understand. I have a very sweet and loving husband who rewards everything with Icecream and always wants to give me a treat. Tell him next time to get you flowers!

[LadyK 164]

tjloser, yes I thought about this too, but my girls are very young, and my husband I love him and don't want him to have a stroke eating like he does, I need him here, we have to raise our girls together. Yes I did make this decision, but before I decided this we both discussed him changing his habits too. I don't want to force him but I want him to see what this could possibly do to himself and our children, I want them to learn now about how to eat properly, my 9 yr old already inhales her food and it scares me.

Jennie LOL yes that's a good idea, I'll ask for flowers

[JennieDK 26]

I completely understand, though, about worrying about the habits that are being set for the kids. I love my husband, and I will love him if he never changes, but I would like him to exhibit better eating habits for the kids. And I'm doing this to extend my time with my family-- including him! So he needs to take care of himself, too!

[tjloser 62]

I do understand and I really hope he starts listening to you. We know how it feels to have to make such a serious decision as wls. Like you I worry about my kids getting to where I was and having to make the choice I made. Keep talking to your husband and explaining to him just how you feel because your babies are still young and you all can still change the way they see food. Hang in there and stick to your program and show hubby how important it is.

[LadyK 164]

Thanks for your responses, I really appreciate it I feel a little, better, not angry, but I still want to cry, this is so hard because he asked me to cook the cookies....I'm trying not to be the nagging wife, but it just scares me. Especially when he told me the other day when he woke up he couldn't see out of one of his eyes, that used to happen to me when my bp was too high.

[LaBelle509 326]

Ladyk I'm sorry that you are going through this, but the changes you made are what you decided to make. You can't force other people to make those same changes or any for that matter. Just like you had to decide for yourself, your husband will have to make that choice for himself. If you push him, he may resent it. But you just have to keep doing what you know is best for you and set the example for your family, and hopefully your husband will see how serious this is to you and decide to make changes for his-self. I know it's hard, I have some of the same problems with older kids who buy for themselves, but I know the reason why I had this surgery and I try to stick to my plan as much as possible. It's not easy but hang in there.

well said!!

It is a hard situation to be in and my heart goes out to you. But the poster is right, you made the choice to have the surgery. You chose a new way of life. Only you have to stick with it. It will make for easy if he followed your path, but as we all know, this is a personal fight and journey. Until I was ready to make a change, my husband who is super fit, could not influence me. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, and stayed away from the gym. He kept he's eating habit and exercised on a regular basis. Then I reached me breaking point and had the surgery. He embraced me and supported me. he offers help only when ask.

You might not be able to push your new habits on your love ones. But let them see you do well and lose the weight as planned. He will come and ask for advice. Stay focus and stay strong. Your actions will speak volume.

[LadyK 164]

Yes, I would let him alone, but my children see me not eating much, and see him not eating many veggies, and bringing home too many sweets, it's conflicting for them they are only 9 and 7. I want us both to set the path together for healthy and normal eating habits. I can't just not say anything because it's always in the back of my mind what if he never stops, and we could have spent 50 more years together, but only got 20. I can't bear the thought of doing this alone, and l couldn't imagine him trying to raise two girls by himself either. I could never forgive myself if I never said anything, but I have said to him what was needed to be said and I agree with you, I will continue, and let my actions influence him, I've lost 59lbs already, I hope that he will listen soon. Thank you

[gaye jarvis 751]

For me, my husband really got concerned about his weight when I started to really drop mine quick, now at 5 months out and only a couple of lbs from losing 100 lbs he is conscious of what he eats and has lost 30 lbs on his own. You can't make that decision for him, but believe me he will be aware of his weight when you start getting compliments! Hang in there!

[LadyK 164]

Thank you everyone for the encouragement and advice, I'll let him alone about it and let him make the decision. I will continue on and love him anyway and pray he sees different for his health sake

[weho 103]

My heart goes out to you. I am in the same boat. I have now become the "health nut" of the family and have began to "subtly" impose my healthy food on my family. But there are many times that they go through the drive thru which means I am on my own. Stay strong but continue to cut your family some slack. This is your journey and it would be nice if they complied with your diet...but reality is they will eat what they want to eat.

[Ready 2 Fly 22]

Just cook as healthy as he will let, and slowly inculcate this into your kids. Unfortunately everyone is right you cannot force anyone to do this. I know inside out and backwards what I should eat and how much, but doing it was a whole other thing. No one could have told me what to do or how much to eat, cause I would have done it just to show them I did not have to listen to them. We each have to reach that point where we want to do it for ourself. That is the only way it works. Hang strong, it takes time.