Put your brains together LBTers, I need some serious advice!

[HunnyBun 2]

For those of you who don't know me (probably most of you LOL) my name is Maggie. I am a 24 year old single mom and I weigh about 275lbs.

I have talked to or seen pretty much every lap band doc in the state of Illinois over the past two years and so far found only one who would be able to do my procedure. The only problem with him is, I can't stand him. He is a smart mouth, not experienced, and I wouldn't let him touch me with a 10 foot pole, let alone a scalpel.

Anyway, the reason why I can not find a doctor who could help me is because I am on public aid and no lap band doctor I called accepts my insurance.

Self paying is not an option since I only make as much as my bills, food and living costs a month. I don't have savings.

I can't take up another job because I don't have anyone who could help out with my son. My mom works evenings and other family wouldn't be willing to help.

I thought about taking a loan to pay for the surgery, but I quickly found out that my credit is not good enough. *sigh*

For the past two years I have been trying to get this accomplished and it is becoming such a pain in my life. I just want to be banded and become the happy and fun person that is hiding behind this fat body and sad face.

So, I decided I need to get my $hit together and do something that will result in either finding a doctor that will do it for free, or finding the money to have the surgery.

Some starter ideas I have are:

1. Become a hooker - but I won't.

2. Marry an immigrant for money so he can get papers - seems like a crazy idea but it just might work?

3. Find a different job that will have insurance - but I have the perfect job right now, I work the exact hours that my son is in school. If I quit I might never find anything so flexible again.

4. Sit on the corner and hold out a sign that reads 'Collecting for surgery, please help' - and die of shame.

5. ?????

Funny, crazy, plain stupid, and great ideas welcome.

Put your brains together and please help me find a way to get my band.

I am desperate. :think

Thanks!!!

[Meme 0]

Why not let the Dr. that you don't like do the surg? I know you can't stand him , but this surg. will help you. If this was me I would sale food, candy, Cookies. I would pawn what I could and do what ever I had to do.

[Jodi-T 0]

Is it just that you don't like the doctor or is he not competent. If its just a clash of personalities I would still have him do it for the greater good of your health. If you truely think he is incompetent then I wouldn't let him do it for nothing. Some doctors especially specialists just aren't personable, they seem all business. But if they are good at what they do all business is alright.

[HunnyBun 2]

He is very inexperienced and has a bad attitude. I am worried about having complications like slippage, erosion and him being a jerk about it.

When I asked him questions about complications, he said that they will absolutely not happen if I do everything right. I KNOW that's BS and I am afraid of being in his care in case I do have something go wrong. He is also about two hours away and requires that I drive there every Wednesday for 16 weeks to do a pre op diet. Then, after surgery I am required to drive there again for 12 weeks for post op support meetings. The problem with this is that I don't have anyone who can care for my son while I am there.

I know that complications from Lap Band are sometimes serious and I don't want to be in the care of an a$$hole. Plus, if something goes wrong and say I can't swallow my food, I am two hours away from his office, where he might not even be. He doesn't have partners or a nursing staff. He works in a hospital and is the only lap band surgeon there.

I already gave him a shot, I met with him, did 4 of the 16 weeks, and I realized that I just don't trust him. I feel like it's too much of a risk.

I wish I could just ignore my fears and go with him, but if something goes terribly wrong and God forbid I get really sick, I would never be able to forgive myself. My son deserves a mom that has good care. I can't take the chance.

[HunnyBun 2]

Jodi, the problem is, he only did a few surgeries. He downplayed it alot too. He said that it's so simple and easy. I know it may not be the hardest procedure, but I know that placement of the band can have a lot to do with slippage, so I would not want someone who takes it so lightly.

After meeting with him, I just KNEW he wasn't a good surgeon. I had a feeling. The personw ho came with me to the consultation told me that he does not approve of this doctor either. I'm just lost because I am afraid of being operated on by an overconfident jerk who will blame complications on me.

[Jodi-T 0]

you are the only one who can know. Once you made that decision you need to feel confident about it and not second guess yourself. Does he have support meetings? Can you meet with other people he's done the surgery on? That was helpful for me.

[barbara465 2]

If you don't trust him then forget it. You have to depend on him and his services for quite a while.

Remember, that even with a competent surgeon, complications can happen. Erosion and slippage are not caused by the surgeon in general. Sometimes it just happens. You have to be prepared for that.

I would suggest you find a way to make additional income. Perhaps that is extra hours, taking a second job, or finding something you can do from home part time. I know this puts extra burden on your son, but maybe you can find something. You might exchange babysitting time with another mother in similiar circumstances.

You might want to see what other doctors somewhere take your insurance. Sounds like it is paid for if you can find the right doctor.

Good luck to you.

[CCBSTX 0]

Hunnybun, go with your gut! This surgeon isn't the right one for you or maybe anyone!! Aftercare is huge, and merely finding a surgeon won't due. He/she needs to be supportive and someone that you are willing to work with after...

Do you have to stay within your state?

I know you tried a loan, but try again with another company. It just might go through. Many surgeons offices have financing, through a bank/company. You may have already asked.

Good luck. Shawn

[faybie 0]

When I asked him questions about complications, he said that they will absolutely not happen if I do everything right.

For the most part, this is a true statement. The band isn't the end all answer to being overweight. It is also a committment to make a life change, if you don't make that committment, the rules can easily be broken. The band is only a "tool" to help you start and stay committed to the process. Many other aspects of your life including your relationship with food will have to change to be successful.

He may seem arrogant in saying most complications are caused by the patient, to explain himself, he should have given you a few examples like these:

Over eating and carbonated drinks are often the main causes of slippage.

Over eating and ulcers (caused by reflux) are often the main causes of erosion.

There are other things that cause erosion and slippage, however he was correct in stating that in most cases if you follow the guidelines, those complications can be prevented. For the reflux causing ulcers, as long as you communicate that you are having reflux and take medications to help prevent the acid exchange to your stoma, then it will be under control. You would have to know the symptoms of reflux and communicate those to the Dr., he would not be able to predict if you were going to have reflux. Here again, the ball is in your court.

As far as having stuck food, this WILL happen. I have had stuck food and there was nothing the Dr. could do. The solution was to drink warm liquids with no solids, as many as I could until it cleared. It took 6 days. It turns out that my "stuckness" was caused by reflux.

With the Dr. being 2 hours away, the main thing that you should do is not leave the area right away after a fill. Wait a few hours and drink a Protein Shake or two and make sure that it goes down like it should. If it doesn't you may be overfilled.

As far as making extra money.... are there jobs you can take that involve your son?

For example,

1. Watching children after school, weekends or Friday, Saturday nights for extra money.

2. Starting a paper route. Your son can sleep in the car while you deliver the papers.

3. Clean houses on the weekend where you can bring your son.

4. Telemarketing jobs out of your house in your off time.

5. Sell things on ebay.

I was a single mother at your age as well. For extra money, I worked at a catering company serving drinks and food for $10 an hour. I payed the babysitter $2.50 and hour and got to keep the extra. Is there a retired grandma in your area that would babysit for cheap? $2.50 was lower than the going rate, however I really needed to work to stay afloat and a little old lady in my area loved the company of my son and got paid to boot.

Good luck!

[chameleon 0]

Hunny,

I know its not that easy to find a good job with insurance! Do you think you would be able to get hired by the school system as an aid or a monitor or a cafeteria lady or as a custodian? Because they make decent money and the jobs are stable and they have great insurance if you can get a position with enough hours. The best way to get in is to apply as a substitute for every one of these kind of positions and always say yes when they call you to work. These jobs usually pay at least 12.00 an hour (not for subs though). If you can afford to do it, it would be a great long term solution and you would still have the "perfect" job for your son! Either this or find a man with a good job and marry him! Just don't go lookin in the bar for him...go to a book store, or to the library, or at church, or somewhere, any where other than a bar!!

Last but definately not least...consider going back to school so you can get a better job...and feel better about yourself.

I know it's a very hard row to hoe, I have been there. I know it may seem impossible...but don't give up hope. I can tell you have a good sense of humor...don't ever loose that cuz we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves and our stupid life situations. Here is a long but very good book called "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" from Dr. Suess that I think is a great help:

"Congratulations!

Today is your day.

You’re off to Great Places!

You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself

Any direction you choose.

You’re on your own. And you know what you know.

And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look ‘em over with care.

About some you will say, "I don’t choose to go there."

You’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

Out there things can happen

And frequently do

To people as brainy

And footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,

Don’t worry. Don’t stew.

Just go right along

You’ll start happening too.

OH!

THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!

You’ll be on your way up!

You’ll be seeing great sights!

You’ll join the high fliers

Who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.

You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.

Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best.

Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.

Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so

But, sadly, it’s true

That Bang-ups

And Hang-ups

Can happen to you.

And the chances are, then

That you’ll be in a Slump.

You’re not in for much fun.

Un-slumping yourself

Is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.

Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.

Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?

How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right. . .

Or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?

Or go around back and sneak in from behind?

Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,

For a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused

That you’ll start in to race.

Down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace,

And grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,

Headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place. . .

. . .for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go

Or a bus to come, or a plane to go

Or the mail to come, or the rain to go

Or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow

Or waiting around for a Yes or a No

Everyone is just waiting.

NO!

That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape.

You’ll find the bright places.

Oh, the places you’ll go!

There is fun to be done!

There are points to be scored. There are games

to be won.

I’m afraid that some times

You’ll play lonely games too.

Games you can’t win

‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!

Whether you like it or not,

Alone will be something

You’ll be quite a lot.

But on you will go

Though the weather be foul.

On you will go

Though your enemies prowl.

On you will go.

Onward up many

A frightening creek,

On and on you will hike.

And I know you’ll hike far

And face up to your problems

Whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course,

As you already know.

With many strange birds as you go.

So be sure when you step,

Step with care and great tact.

And remember that Life’s

A Great Balancing Act.

Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So. . .

You’re off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So. . .get on your way!"

(Oh, the Places You’ll Go!, by Seuss, Dr. Seuss, Random House Trade, January 1990) :clap2:

[HunnyBun 2]

Chameleon that was so nice of you to post. Thank you.

[NewSho 20]

... He may seem arrogant in saying most complications are caused by the patient, to explain himself, he should have given you a few examples like these:

Over eating and carbonated drinks are often the main causes of slippage.

Over eating and ulcers (caused by reflux) are often the main causes of erosion.

There are other things that cause erosion and slippage, however he was correct in stating that in most cases if you follow the guidelines, those complications can be prevented...[/quote]

This just isn't true.

And I see more new Bandsters saying this, rather than those who have been around LapBanding a while. Not that a knowledgeable newbie Bandster who has done his/her research isn't well-informed, but at this stage we all tend to repeat what our surgeons have told us, as chapter and verse.

Over time we sometimes add to that early knowledge, with additional band experience.

Don't make the mistake of assuming that slippage & erosion are always patient-initiated.

That just isn't necessarily so.

Unfortunately there are many documented cases of slippage and erosion that are based on the technique used at time of surgery, the actual site of placement, the patient's own anatomy and just plain fate.

Sure it would be great to think that if we all avoid carbonated drinks (which definitely can add to pouch enlargement and stretching - but might not add to slippage) and avoid overeating that we wouldn't have complications.

But this is a wake up call for newbies (yes <2 months is newbie) and veterans alike - this is a tool, and sometimes tools malfunction.

Some information isn't in the brochure. Live with your band awhile, get to know other long term, very successful and very compliant (if there is such a word) Bandsters and you'll see that nothing is black and white with LapBanding.:phanvan

It certainly can be affected by who holds the tool, but sometimes things fail.

Just like the RnY, the DS, or the Vertical Sleeve - the LapBand can sometimes fail us. But unlike the other types of Weight Loss Surgery, I believe that there is more blame placed on LapBanders themselves when things go wrong.

LapBands are great surgical options but we shouldn't blame ourselves or each other if things go wrong, or if we end up being sick. :sick

Let's remember that it's good to remember those guidelines but as you see more veteran LapBanders with complications, it's not because they didn't follow the rules.

Just a thought.

[HunnyBun 2]

Thanks NewSho, this is exactly what I was talking about. If my surgeon isn't even open to the possibility of doing something wrong, if he does mess up, he will never take responsibility. If I go in there and tell him I am ill, instead of being helpful and compassionate, he might just be defensive. I can't put my health in the hands of someone who thinks this way.

[faybie 0]

Not that a knowledgeable newbie Bandster who has done his/her research isn't well-informed, but at this stage we all tend to repeat what our surgeons have told us, as chapter and verse.

My surgeon didn't suggest that slippage and erosion are the bandsters fault, however, I have time and time again read on this forum.....

"I am 5 days out from surgery, I had a steak, a baked potato and an apple pie with ice cream....Do you think this is harmful to my band or is it going to stretch my pouch?"

"I ate 2 double cheeseburgers and an X-Large fries and its stuck, I am in so much pain, I don't know what to do"

"Hi. I have been banded for 2 days and I ate a beef chopped steak, mashed potatoes and gravy. I slipped my band and had to go back in to get it placed back, I am in so much pain for 2 surgeries in one week. I just wanted to warn everyone not to do this. I was just so hungry and didn't think that I had to stick to the liquid diet."

I am paraphrasing the above quotes, however they are from actual posts that I have read here on this forum. I could list 50+ more examples of complications that were recorded on this forum that were self induced and would be happy to provide the supporting links. I would also be happy to provide links to the non patient related complications as I have those saved for future reference as well, however there are a LOT less recorded complications.

Yes, there can be complications from poor placement, however as technology and experience improve in the US for lap band doctors, those cases are less and less frequent.

Yes, there can be complications from just fate or your body rejecting the foreign object of the band.

However, I see too many times where bandsters don't take responsiblity for their own actions.

Sure it would be great to think that if we all avoid carbonated drinks (which definitely can add to pouch enlargement and stretching - but might not add to slippage) and avoid overeating that we wouldn't have complications.

Drinking carbonated drinks CAN cause slippage. The carbonation can build up in your lower stomach, put pressure on the band and push it upwards. LOL, do you think they tell you not to drink carbonated beverages because they are unhealthy for you? It confuses me that you do not know how harmful they are to you as a bandster, hence the patient related complications.

LOL. I probably won't be back to this post as I can see that my advocacy was not appreciated. I just got the "tone" from hunnybunny's post that she saw the lapband as her "end all, be all" solution for weight loss. It takes committment, hard work and is not the "easy way" out like people dream that it is.

I "reckon" I came to that conclusion when all of the options for additional money to fund the lap band surgery didn't list any jobs where actual concerted "effort" would have to be put forth.