Help... What Am I Doing!? Just Booked Surgery And I'm Off My Wagon...

[does not matter 39]

So I've lost just about 26 pounds on my own.... got kicked out the bariatric program in Ontario because I no longer fit a new model they decided to implement after they put me through the rigamarole and testing and after they told me I was a perfect candidate for months during the process. You think they would start their new model with the new referrals, however, that's a whole other story.

Fast forward 2 weeks, after researching, I booked my surgery for March 4th, 2013 with Dr Joya in Pureto vallarta. Perfect right!?

Sat in the car for 30 minutes and cried before i could go into the bank to do the wire transfer (my mom is no longer talking to me due to the surgery, my brother is freaking out... I had no support and felt completely alone. I had to re-read posts from this site before going into the bank but you might have read some of the in other posts I've made.

Since I booked my surgery I've been "cheating" a bit on my new healthy diet which has resulted in -26 pounds...

Saturday after I left the bank I had McDonalds - haven't had that crap in weeks!

Tonight - Tue I had Taco time (that damn advertisement on the radio for taco tuesday got me) - in all honestly I haven't had taco time in over a year for sure.

Is this the start of the unplanned food funeral?

I've wanted pizza hut for at least 8 months but haven't had it... i've been able to treat myself here and there... but what's with the fast food on sat AND tue when i've been doing great.

Did any of you guys start slipping once you had your dates? what did you do besides plan meals more thoroughly?

I feel disgusted with myself

What am I doing!?

[mokee 588]

It is food funerals. Don't beat yourself up. I was on one for the whole month before by liquid diet. Now I am 6 days into liquid and 1 week away from surgery. Best of luck and keep intouch

[lisa2job 130]

I think everyone goes through the food funeral. I did this , if I wanted something like pizza for instance I made sure first of all I was not alone wth a whole pizza , invited my kids over or went to my sisters house and had one small slice and then salad. I didnt want to undue all of the good stuff I had done in the months before surgery . I didnt feel deprived and I got the taste of what ever it was that was driving me crazy....... I was also a self pay but did mine in the states, still paying on it but worth every penny.

also I just made sure I had lots of good thngs to eat around the house veggies are pretty much low calorie so if I needed too I ate that instead of something fattenng. also I did parfiets made with fruit and yogurt or pudding and it always seemed like such a treat. stay strong your time will be here before you know it !!!

[ByeByefatgirl. 82]

So I've lost just about 26 pounds on my own.... got kicked out the bariatric program in Ontario because I no longer fit a new model they decided to implement after they put me through the rigamarole and testing and after they told me I was a perfect candidate for months during the process. You think they would start their new model with the new referrals, however, that's a whole other story.

Fast forward 2 weeks, after researching, I booked my surgery for March 4th, 2013 with Dr Joya in Pureto vallarta. Perfect right!?

Sat in the car for 30 minutes and cried before i could go into the bank to do the wire transfer (my mom is no longer talking to me due to the surgery, my brother is freaking out... I had no support and felt completely alone. I had to re-read posts from this site before going into the bank but you might have read some of the in other posts I've made.

Since I booked my surgery I've been "cheating" a bit on my new healthy diet which has resulted in -26 pounds...

Saturday after I left the bank I had McDonalds - haven't had that crap in weeks!

Tonight - Tue I had Taco time (that damn advertisement on the radio for taco tuesday got me) - in all honestly I haven't had taco time in over a year for sure.

Is this the start of the unplanned food funeral?

I've wanted pizza hut for at least 8 months but haven't had it... i've been able to treat myself here and there... but what's with the fast food on sat AND tue when i've been doing great.

Did any of you guys start slipping once you had your dates? what did you do besides plan meals more thoroughly?

I feel disgusted with myself

What am I doing!?

I haven't even booked a date yet, but decided to have the surgery in Feb 2013. So my food funeral has already begun. Hey, I have to enjoy the foods Iove because next year< i won't be able too. I sometimes ask myself, what are you doing, you're gonna put on more weight? Then i'll feel bad. SO don't worry you are not alone in this.

[Jesser 295]

I have put on an additional ten pounds since I even had the idea put in my head that I was going to Mexico lol I think it made me happy that I found a solution to help me with my problem! I've been eating everything I love in abundance because I know that once I get the surgery, I'm gonna work at it hardcore to get this weight off! So I'm "enjoying" my final days of being fat!!

[icon23 273]

You are not alone. I made the mistake (not really) of stepping on the scale this morning and I've gained weight in the past week since I made up my mind on a date (shhh, don't tell my weight ticker). Since I am still 4 months out, I plan to not go too crazy all at once, but I also want to be done with food funerals and working towards the pre-op diet a month before surgery.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

It is so hard. We all know that the best thing is to lose not gain preop. If had lost instead of gaining preop I would be at goal now. If I had lost instead of gaining I would have been at less surgical risk. If frogs had wings...

Anyway, my advice is to first stop being so mean to yourself. I truly believe that the self loathing part of this cycle triggers more over eating.

I had my band removed which triggered both a shocking return of overwhelming hunger and a suprising about of grief and sadness even though I wanted that sucker out! I say return of hunger, but really, it was like the old hunger times 100. I have always been a constantly hungry person, but when that band was gone, I felt completely out of control.

I sought help. I did an all you can eat, but high Protein low carb plan managed by a doctor that has a lapband herself and really gets it. I actually lost a few pounds during Nov last year. The doc was so happy because of course they knew i was on the gain train and just stopping that was a victory.

I didn't have food funerals in the sense that I was mourning the loss of specific foods. In fact, I was so over using food as a recreational device that I wish I could have just stopped eating. However, that drive to eat was very very strong and I am guessing that many of these food funerals are actually the stress reaction of a carb addict getting ready to head for rehab...lol. I mean honestly, does fast food crappy junky food even TASTE that good? I don't think so, and yet there was this drive to eat it.

[JenC 90]

Don't beat yourself up. Tomorrow's a new day. And you can make better choices in the morning. You will have a powerful tool after surgery to keep you on the path to health and happiness. You will have to make the right choices and work your sleeve but you will undoubtedly be in a much stronger position to succeed. Do what you can in advance to set yourself up for surgery success but remember the reason you are having this surgery...We could'nt do it on our own before so don't think that you're going to be perfect in your attempt at this moment. Chin up!

[Sleeve-A-Licious 21]

BEWARE!!!!!!!! Please please...STOP!!!! I had surgery 6 months ago..I was doing well lost 15 lbs..went under and BOOM!!!!! LIVER TOOOOO FAT...THEY PULLED OUT....and here I am trying to do it for the second time around!!! it sucked soooooooo bad and Im STILL FOREVER MAD at myself!!! It's NOT A FUNERAL...you will be eating that stuff that you love soooo much but in a smaller portion and with some to take home!!!! NO BIGGY!!!!! SO continue your diet until your surgery and inregards to your family!!! Yea!! this time around I wont be telling mine!! ITS A PERSONAL CHOICE and sometimes people will be negative and will call it a "cop out" for picking a healthier life stlye!!!

[does not matter 39]

It is so hard. We all know that the best thing is to lose not gain preop. If had lost instead of gaining preop I would be at goal now. If I had lost instead of gaining I would have been at less surgical risk. If frogs had wings...

Anyway, my advice is to first stop being so mean to yourself. I truly believe that the self loathing part of this cycle triggers more over eating.

I had my band removed which triggered both a shocking return of overwhelming hunger and a suprising about of grief and sadness even though I wanted that sucker out! I say return of hunger, but really, it was like the old hunger times 100. I have always been a constantly hungry person, but when that band was gone, I felt completely out of control.

I sought help. I did an all you can eat, but high Protein low carb plan managed by a doctor that has a lapband herself and really gets it. I actually lost a few pounds during Nov last year. The doc was so happy because of course they knew i was on the gain train and just stopping that was a victory.

I didn't have food funerals in the sense that I was mourning the loss of specific foods. In fact, I was so over using food as a recreational device that I wish I could have just stopped eating. However, that drive to eat was very very strong and I am guessing that many of these food funerals are actually the stress reaction of a carb addict getting ready to head for rehab...lol. I mean honestly, does fast food crappy junky food even TASTE that good? I don't think so, and yet there was this drive to eat it.

I couldn't help but laugh when I read your reply... if frogs had wings... In a perfect world right?

But you are right... I have been feeling shitty all night about my Mcdonalds and Taco time meals, and on skinny cow ice cream cup on the weekend, that I almost went to the freezer to have some ice cream to cheer me up (it's really the only bad food I have in the house, but I like the individual sizes so I don't eat the entire container, I dont care if I pay more, the individual keeps me more on track) but seriously that would have started the vicious cycle to spiral out of control. This is hard. Since being kicked out of the ontario bariatric program I have also not been logging my workouts (which is fine, I still do the same amount on the 5k runner app) and I have NOT been logging my food. I like the freedom since I have been tracking everything since the beginning of July... However, I think I see that not tracking my food can become a problem since things add up pretty quickly! I will NOT track my food for today since I think i might cry at the calories from taco time, but I will start fresh tomorrow!

someone asked me out for dinner sometime this week... lets hope he's decent/keeper! (I will try to make that a healthy option, or THE LAST time i eat that damn salad from apple bees that I like so much.. I'm sure you guys know which one i'm talking about... lol the worst one on the menu.. oriental chicken salad)

can I ask why you had your band removed tho? what are you doing now?

[does not matter 39]

Don't beat yourself up. Tomorrow's a new day. And you can make better choices in the morning. You will have a powerful tool after surgery to keep you on the path to health and happiness. You will have to make the right choices and work your sleeve but you will undoubtedly be in a much stronger position to succeed. Do what you can in advance to set yourself up for surgery success but remember the reason you are having this surgery...We could'nt do it on our own before so don't think that you're going to be perfect in your attempt at this moment. Chin up!

you are right, I can't do it on my own My will power is broken some days...

[does not matter 39]

BEWARE!!!!!!!! Please please...STOP!!!! I had surgery 6 months ago..I was doing well lost 15 lbs..went under and BOOM!!!!! LIVER TOOOOO FAT...THEY PULLED OUT....and here I am trying to do it for the second time around!!! it sucked soooooooo bad and Im STILL FOREVER MAD at myself!!! It's NOT A FUNERAL...you will be eating that stuff that you love soooo much but in a smaller portion and with some to take home!!!! NO BIGGY!!!!! SO continue your diet until your surgery and inregards to your family!!! Yea!! this time around I wont be telling mine!! ITS A PERSONAL CHOICE and sometimes people will be negative and will call it a "cop out" for picking a healthier life stlye!!!

WOW, I have never heard of them pulling out and not doing the surgery! How were all of your pre-op tests, did those give any indication of things not being quite right at all?

I went through all of the tests here except the scope, they the NP told me I was boring (in a good way) so I'm assuming I'm good to go, provided I don't do anything too stupid. Since all of the tests I have lost 26... lol never mind! 24 pounds so I would think I am ever better than I was during the tests. I have started running since then also and am over half way to 5k...

Ok so this was a good eye opener and some scare tactics... I can't afford to fly all the way to Mexico to have them not perform the surgery :|