male only Advice Needed - Adult Subject Matter!

[SStarr2012 5]

Okay, this is embarraasing. I am a regular poster on VST but am SOOO embarrassed about this that I created an anon account to hide from my anon VST friends. wow

Anyway, forgive me for intruding on the mens forum but I feel like this a place to talk about sex - and get input from both men and women.

I am in my 40s, have lost well over 100# and still working on the last little bit to goal - but looking pretty good. I have been blessed with good genes and sunscreen so have a very young looking face too. I am a responsible adult, my children are grown, I am financially independant, have lived a pretty conservative life, I am feeling good about life and... I want sex! Like my sex drive has kicked into drive and I just don't want to do without anymore! Don't worry, I have heard about safe sex, but more on that later.

Okay, here is the thing, I want to have sex without having to be married (BTDT got the TShirt), or even to have a serious relationship... I am not talking about sleeping around the town, but having sort of a casual relationship with someone. Anyway, I tend to be attracted to younger men. They seem to be attracted to me. I am not talking about cradle robbing, but say ... 10-15 years younger. Yes, I have someone in mind that is about 28-30... early stages of flirtation. He is fit and hot, have no idea why he is interested in me.

The youth part is background info, the real question is this. I have some ugly hanging skin. I look cute enough in clothes I guess, although still plump (I have maybe 20# to goal). My breasts are still pretty perky (shocking) my hideous zone is my thighs. I also have too big of a belly still. I know that much of beauty is self confidence but those thighs... they are pretty ugly.

So, I don't even know what I am asking, except maybe do you think I need to discuss this well in advance of the casual freindship moving into something more intimate? I am really worried about this.

Now, to further my embarrassment, it has been decades since I was in a position to use condoms. (I was married and then celibate). I remember that they irritated me. I am not sure what has happened in the protection world since I have been out of circulation... any advice?

[newgrandmother 725]

girl dont you know that the 40's is when we get hotter. lol and a younger man i say go for it its perfect

[Jeffy 8]

Yeah, you just need to be comfortable with yourself and go for it. As far as the condoms go, I would suggest staying away from the latex ones if they caused you to have a reaction before. They make condoms out of a few different materials, just experiment with different ones (by yourself if you need to or if you're worried about having a negative "reaction" during sex). I have "met" quite a few women that can't use latex condoms, so it's very common to have a reaction to them.

[newgrandmother 725]

speaking on condoms trojans have advanced they have this one i love cant think of it right now but condoms irritate me as well they dry me out but this one omg feels like nothing is there and they dont dry me out. i buy my own to make sure i have them. i can go longer than with a regular condom oh the name is ecstasy by trojans. condoms have come a long way baby. lol. i am 47 and ive been casual with a 24 yr old and man oh man is he what i need in my life. men my age dont seem to last as long or they go limp really quick TMI i know but since we are on this subject lol

[ozeedonkee 145]

Well, if he runs screaming from the room, you'll know it's a problem. If he's happy to keep bonking - obviously no issues

But....have you considered a male escort? You can pre-explain anything and you get what you need, without relationship issues

[SStarr2012 5]

My first thought was... no way

Second thought... I wonder if they give frequent customer discounts?

naw... I think I will stay amatuer.

But....have you considered a male escort? You can pre-explain anything and you get what you need, without relationship issues

[Jenipher 28]

I'm sorry you asked for an opinion here's mine. Get control of your hormones, get a vibrator until you are comfortable with someone. Having sex with a 20-30 something year old needs time. You may be crushed because he may not understand all the hard work that has been put into your weight loss. This could send you into a deep depression. Think before you leap!! I knew of a woman that lost 200 lbs and the men she was with talked about her so bad after they saw her body. You have to look at that everyday. You know what to expect the man your thinking of revealing this to has not. If your not looking for anything serious then you may not care about his reaction. But just look at it from all sides before you decide. About the condoms you know STD' s are rampant in that age group. Protect yourself if you don't know go talk to your PCP about what you can use to protect yourself. I wish you the best in your decision. Sorry I can't just agree you need to think this through. I'm so happy that you lost all that weight and you feel good enough about yourself to act like a twenty one year old but your not. Lol!! Hope it works out for you.

[SouthernSleever 228]

Go get it girl! That's my 2 cents but always protect yourself!

[yale88 25]

I am happy for you girl for having a good sex drive use it before you lose it . i dion t have to tell you how sex fell there is nothing better than sex in this world. praise be the lord for creating SEX. You did all this hard work you deserve the happiness physically and emotionally. You are not going to marry him I say tell him about your weight Los and take it from there protect yourself that s all .

[SStarr2012 5]

I had a good sex life when I was younger - and I want it back but don't feel I should have to be married or even rush into a permanent relationship (ie expectations) to experience it. I am sorry if that offends some, but I have been a responsible person my whole life and I feel I am approaching this in a responsible way as well. I am not looking to committ to anything much more then being a fun person to hang out with at this point. Artificial devices do not replace the human touch for me...

I do think it is smart to tell him in advance, it isn't like we are a one time hookup, just heading toward a less serious relationship and i guess it is better to lay it on the table before .... if he blanches, well, I can hardly blame him. I often suffer from dysmorphia at times and don't see myself realistically (I always see the flaws of course) but those thighs are ugly and there is nothing anyone could say to convince me otherwise...lol

I am puzzled by one thing... and I am not bragging here really i am not. I have a young looking face - people always tell me that I look 10-15 years younger then my age - I am still plump as i have a few pounds to go and certainly not perfect... but compared to many of my "peers" I don't look half bad with clothes on anyway. if I do say so myself. My hair hasn't gone gray, it is still full long and healthy, I have few wrinkles and I work out so have some amount of fitness. So why is it that i am never noticed by guys in my general age range (40s)? I mean, no returned smile or other gentle flirtations a woman might do. I don't even notice being checked out by any males that look to me like they are 40s - maybe I am a bad judge of age... not sure but it is a curiousity.

I know about the whole cougar thing and that isn't what I am going for specifically, I just like people who are young at heart, are really active and fun - more then about the looks. No fuddy duddy zone, sit on the couch and watch football for days at a time, so to speak. So, the age thing is not actually the heart of the matter here, I just find it curious that there seems to be a "gap" in male interest. Or maybe I am just paranoid...lol

I met a lady recently (shared hobby) who is only a few years older then me but I was shocked in that she seemed like decades older. Alot of little things, like getting her hairset at a beauty salon or dressing in those colorful velour sweatsuits. No offense, but that was what my mother did in her 70s.... anyway, it seems to me that there is a great deal of variation on how I perceive people's "real age" even for the same chronological age. So for the person who thought it was horrifying to have something going on with a guy in his late 20s/early 30s - it is really just that I want to be someone who has my level of energy and enthusiasm about life and that has not been so easy to find! It isn't just about sex, it is about having a fun time!

[nadoue 158]

Funny that my boyfriend is 60, half my age here you are asking for advice on what to do about your youngster so here is my two cents: if he can handle/ honor your expectations and it is really what you want so why not. I love my papi and I can't care less about anyone's opinion. Make sure you are happy and protected.

[ArcusX 216]

Star, I think I'm going to have to see a picture of you naked so I can judge for myself.

In all seriousness, it seems as though you have a good idea of what you want and that you'll be able to handle it. That said, I have just one piece of advice for you: Just remember that a woman can have sex ANY TIME SHE WANTS IT!

If all you want is something casual, you can make it happen TODAY. There is no shortage of ways to meet a man, including dating sites, the local bar... anywhere, really.

I would advise AGAINST hooking up with someone at work. If, for some reason, things go sideways, you don't want to be forced to see that person every day. There are many, many sayings on this subject, such as "never lay your meat where you make your bread." There's a reason for that. Because in the long run, most relationships don't last and someone is bound to not feel good about it.

Good Luck, and keep us posted here. In other words, let us know when you get some!!

[SStarr2012 5]

Ok, I know at least one person was interested in an update..lol

Just wanted to let you know that i did warn him about having some loose skin due to losing alot of weight, and we had a few makeout sessions and since we both liked how those went - well we decided to partake. It was really good! Plenty of enthusiasm on both sides and we are definately doing that again! My body feels so good now during sex, I mean i just feel so strong, flexible, comfortable even on top - it just really adds to the experience. Makes me glad i exercise alot! From my side, I didn't even think about or worry about the jiggly tummy during. I was worried in advance that the extra skin would put a damper on things (although mine is not as bad yet as some i have seen but i still have 20# to lose) but at least with this man it just seems to be unimportant.

I read somewhere om the internet (so it must be true) that once a man decides he wants to have sex with a specific woman it takes ALOT to turn that desire off so maybe that is why it was no problem and eager for more...haha. We have good chemistry - alot to talk about etc too so it is a fun time all around.

[tlaff79 117]

Good for you! I thinks it's awesome!!

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

Ha ha, looks like I'm late to the party, oh well. Trust me ladies, especially in our youth, finding a woman that wants sex & is not going to play games or see how many hoops they can make us jump through is a really good thing, and somewhat rare too. So even if you do have some extra skin, we ain't saying squat. We are just happy to have some regular action, & if it's NSA then that's even better.