Support Person Expectations

[WannaClimbMtns 0]

Hi, I am new to this site.

I have had my PCP referral, and have registered online with the Bariatric Surgery Program at Maine Medical Center. I am single and think of myself as very independent, never out sick from work, etc. I find myself balking at the idea of needing to have a 'support person' in order to have the surgery.

Can anyone fill me in on the expectations of the role that this 'support person' is supposed to fill?

[Alexandra 55]

At the very least, you'll need a ride home from the hospital. But you don't really "need" someone to be at home with you, in my opinion. You absolutely should have someone's phone number or a person to call if you need help, but I spent the first few days after surgery just sitting around the house.

Everyone is different; recovering from surgery can be easy-peasy or it can be a big deal. You should have someone available if it turns out to be harder for you than you think.

[Wheetsin 714]

Double what Alexandra said. I've not heard of a support person being mandatory for surgery, but a lot of places - especially if your procedure is out-patient - will require someone to be there to pick you up. Often it's family or friends, but it could also be someone like a cab driver.

Lots of programs will also run their own support groups, and many people will find a support person there, as in someone to ask their questions to. Or many will bring a friend or spouse to the meeting, and consider that person their support person.

I'm not much for rah-rah either, but I can tell you from my own experience that having the opportunity to find a bandster or two, banded longer than me, whom I can ask my questions to and get real answers, has been absolutely invaluable.

[tonya66 13]

Hello, I'm doing my surgery in complete secretcy. Not telling a soul, not even my husband. I have my reasons and thats an entire different thread, so I won't go there. I do know you will need someone to drive you home - I haven't figured out what I'm going to do on that one yet, but my surgery is not until January, not sure of a date yet.

Anyhow, the biggest supporter you need is yourself! And, someone to drive you home.

[barbara465 2]

OK if you are doing this in complete secrecy, and you live with your husband, you are going to have a few problems pulling this off. Mainly, you will be sore after the surgery and may need to sleep in a recliner or somewhere other than your bed. Getting up and down from chairs, sofa, bed, the first few days may be a little difficult to hide from someone.

You might consider going to a little vacation and staying in a hotel. I don't think you need "help". It is nice however to have some assistance. With good planning you can everything you need prior to surgery and do quite well by yourself. There are good lists on what you need post surgery on this website. Get a good book, movies, etc. and just chill for a few days.

Good luck

[Carlene 12]

Hello, I'm doing my surgery in complete secretcy. Not telling a soul, not even my husband.

Good luck with that. Once you start getting fills, anyone who eats with you regularly will notice something is up. Just about everyone slimes, at one time or another, and PB's. Sliming can last for an hour (or more). It's really hard to hide something like that (copious amounts of foamy mucus pouring out of your mouth) from your immediate household.

And then there's your port. It feels like a nine volt battery resting just under the skin of your upper abdomen. And the five incisions from the surgery. Until they heal it looks a lot like you've been the victim in a drive by shooting. Afterward, they are just scars, like any wound/surgery leaves.

Unless you and your husband have a strictly platonic relationship, I just don't think it's possible to pull this off. I'm sure, however, that there are lots of potential bandsters who would like to know how it works out for you.

[tonya66 13]

You guys are too funny - I love the description about the PB's. Okay, here is the story......I hope everyone doesn't think bad of me......but anyhow, here is my story. Last year I had horrible stomach problems and found out I had over 50 gallstones and my gall bladder was removed. I've still been having horrible acid reflux, so I've started telling my DH that I'm going to need my esophagus stretched in January. Anyhow, I might tell my sister in law, who will die with a ton of secrets, she is the most closed mouth person there is, she will not tell a soul if you ask her not to, anyhow, she can pick me up for the hospital. I'm telling my husband its not big deal when I go the hospital, and tell him no need to take off work (he doesn't get much time anyhow - so he'll be okay with that) then when I get home and a little sore, I can tell him it was a much bigger deal than I thought.

I guess the whole reason I haven't told him is he is so against it, he just fears the worst, I tried to talk him into it and he won't even discuss it. So, I'm to the point that I feel I need to do it and thats that. I've made my mind up. I might tell him after the surgery, but haven't decided yet. Yes, I know its not good to lie, especially to my DH - I just see no way out of it right now. I'm really a very honest person, I hope everyone on the board doesn't think i'm some crazy chick now, its just not worth it to me to have these long out discussions with DH when he is so closed minded about it. I hope everyone understand where I'm coming from, you don't have to agree with me, but just know that I am determined to get this done, with or without DH's approval.

Anyhow, I will keep everyone informed on how it goes.

[Carlene 12]

I hope everyone understand where I'm coming from, you don't have to agree with me, but just know that I am determined to get this done, with or without DH's approval.

Anyhow, I will keep everyone informed on how it goes.

Sunshine...you don't need anyone's approval. Whether you tell your hubby up front or not, you don't need his approval. You are a responsible adult. Would you tell him he shouldn't have surgical treatment for whatever ailed him? Of course not (at least I hope not).

But I still think it's going to be really hard to keep him in the dark afterward (pun intended). Even if you can manage that (undressing in the dark) until the incisions heal, what are you going to tell him when he feels the port? I'm smuggling small bombs (or drugs) to earn extra money for Christmas? And sometimes, especially with the VG band, the port actually shows a bit. My husband's looks like a little baby alien trying to get out. His is visible even thru his clothes, but I think that's unusual. Here's a photo, so you can see what I mean. His port is straight down from the little polo guy.

[tonya66 13]

Carlene, your cracking me up. Yes, I still have some thinking to do. I have all this stuff in my head on what I'm going to say. I might even tell him because of my hernia, they had to put a band on my stomach, and not sure how he will deal with that. But like you said, I am a grown adult and capable of my own decisions.

I can see what you are talking about with your DH, but only because you pointed it out. Thanks for sharing.

[StephC 0]

Sunshine I'm wondering about your shrink visit - my guy stressed the impact of how this can affect a marriage. In fact I think I'm going to start a new topic and ask how it has affected everyone. Believe me my husband is not the most open minded guy - we hardly have discussed it other then my insurance is paying for it - but I would think he's gonna catch on sooner or later.

[tonya66 13]

I agree StephC - I know what your saying, I know I will have to fess up at some time - but I plan on doing it "after".

[daizee 0]

Hi sunshine2

I was banded Nov 2. My husband who is chronically honest went with me. We explained it as a trip. I am telling no one. Four of my five daughters and two sons are all extremely thin (thank heavens) so you know they just don't have a clue about the pain that goes with overweight. I also have a wonderful mother in law that I wouldn't tell for a million. I'd never hear the end of it. I don't know how I would hide it from a husband but I won't have trouble with the rest. Anyway -= Good luck to you Sunshine.

[tonya66 13]

Well, I've decided to tell my husband, AFTER I go the seminar and gather as much info as I can. He will be the only one I tell. I just want to make sure I have all the facts before I sit him down and tell him. He is just so against WLS because of all the deaths he has heard about, but he doesn't understand anything about LB, so I think he will be okay.

Thank you all for your advice.

PS - my seminar is this Saturday, I can't wait!

[Randi 0]

Well, I've decided to tell my husband, AFTER I go the seminar and gather as much info as I can. He will be the only one I tell. I just want to make sure I have all the facts before I sit him down and tell him. He is just so against WLS because of all the deaths he has heard about, but he doesn't understand anything about LB, so I think he will be okay.

Thank you all for your advice.

PS - my seminar is this Saturday, I can't wait!

Sunshine,

Why not take him with you to a future seminar? I find that there are many people who think weight loss surgery equals gastric bypass. They aren't aware that there are any other types of surgery. Plus, by hearing the same information at the same time, y'all will have the same foundation on which to discuss your upcoming surgery. My guess is that once your husband realizes lapband is the least invasive weight loss surgery and doesn't require intestinal rerouting, he will be on board with your decision.

My husband was totally against the surgery. Once he attended the seminar with me and heard the information and saw the device, he was supportive about me getting the lapband. . . . just nine more days 'til my surgical transformation begins . . .

[ennigmah 0]

Hi WannaClimbMts

I had my band placed on 11/27 as a patient of the MMC Program....as far as the support person, I was able to bribe someone to come to the initial class with me (it was a colleague who I knew had an interest in this as a weight loss option - I told her I wanted to learn more about it but didn't imply it was because I was being screened for the band.) When the time came to sign my surgical consent they required me to have a family member present - their rationale has to do with the requirements of any "center for surgical excellence"....Dr. Cobean explained that if there had been any untoward event in the operating room he didn't want to be the one to call my family and have them be totally in the dark. That was the extent of it for me - and trust me, I too am FIERCELY independent. I walked into the hospital all alone -- and I feel as though this is no one's journey but my own.

Good luck! And if you have questions - feel free to be in touch!

Ennigmah