Crying My Eyes Out... Where Us My Aupport System When I Need Them?

[ayyejaycee 15]

So I been on this journey since 2010... I didn't really discuss with anyone my.intentions until this year after I got married. No one really believd me when I said I had to take a 12 week long class and loose 10 % but when I finally finished I guess it all became real. I didn't want to tell my mom that this was it. I'm going to get sleeved because I knew she wouldn't agree with it. So I eased her into it. She didn't fully agree but she would be supportive. My husband knew all along what I was going to do. He wasn't too sure but he was going to support me because I made up my mind.

My sleeve date has been pushed.up to this wednesday. The day before thanksgiving. I'm stoked. I figure everyone else should be too right? HELL NO! I spoke with my mom about arrangements and she says that I shouldn't do this and she doesn't agree and that I can just work hard yadda yards ya! I was a little mad but I always know my mom will have my back. I text hubby to tell.him that moms not on board. He gets home and says YOU DIDN'T MAKE THIS DECISION WITH ME AND YOU SHOULD NOT GO THROUGH WITH THIS. YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TRIED TO REALLY LOOSE WEIGHT. LOOK AT ME I'M DETERMINED I LOST WEIGHT. UR BEING LAZY. U JUST WANT TO LOOSE WEIGHT FAST. This broke my heart! My husband has always been there for me. I don't want this to hurt us. But on the other hand. This is what I want. Nobody understands what I go through on a day to day basis. Nobody knows what I think.about it....

I just don't know anymore. My support system comprised of my mother and husband is gone. I don't want to go through with this alone...

[valdostaGA 149]

You are doing this for you! I was in your shoes and had NO support but my jackass of a husband did go to the hospital but had attitude all while we were there. I'm 6 weeks out -40 lbs no complications at all and I started at 386lbs everyone compliments me on how good I look and my husband has not said one word, but I still smile and remind myself that I DID THIS FOR ME! Hold your head up.

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[ayyejaycee 15]

You are doing this for you! I was in your shoes and had NO support but my jackass of a husband did go to the hospital but had attitude all while we were there. I'm 6 weeks out -40 lbs no complications at all and I started at 386lbs everyone compliments me on how good I look and my husband has not said one word' date=' but I still smile and remind myself that I DID THIS FOR ME! Hold your head up.

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THANK YOU!!!! I'M DOING THIS FOR ME! I'M JUST AFRAID OF MAKING A DECISION THAT NY HUSBAND DOESN'T AGREE ON. I KNOW ONE SIDE EFFECT OF WLS is pass/fail marriage. Don't want to end up failing.

[steelergirl 135]

I'm sure he wont be mad at the benifits of having you looking super fine..men just want to feel in control ..like they have a say in things. Tell them what your doing and what you need. Acceptance. Good luck

[ayyejaycee 15]

Yes I tell.him that all the time. He really believes that I only wsnt to be sleeved because ill loose weight faster which is not always the case. He says the same lifestyle changes I'm making with surgery I can without surgery make those changes. At this point I'm trying to find a ride to and from the hospital.

[ozeedonkee 145]

I too had doubt from my mother, but she knows once my mind is made up....there's no point arguing. I understood that she does not understand the procedure and has not researched it. I did not have support from my husband - especially when it came time to hand over the $$. But I do not regret my decision for one moment. The only person who really knows how you feel is YOU. Don't let others change your mind if this is what you really want to do.

[SuperGirl 7]

ayyejayce.....i get how you feel bc i don't have any support either....but look at it this way....in everyone going through vls there are 2 voices...one that says go for it...thi sis the best thing u could do for yourself....and teh other little voice that every so often pops up and asks if im crazy for doing this...am i mutilating myself?...panics that its not reversible...fears complications...etc etc tec....but then the 1st voice ultimately prevails in those that go through w it bc w ethink of teh daily suffering...teh countless indignities....the lack if living afull life....the sheltered bubble we more and mre put ourselves in as the humbers on teh scale climb............so ok....imagine if we only had the 2nd voice,,,the one with all teh doubts....but we didnt have teh 1st voice......and tehre was no promise of the freedom that would finally come for you after years of suffering....would u do it then? if it was all doom and gloom without any upside?....NO...ofcourse you woldb't...none of us would....well guess what...your MOther...your husband.....etc.....they only have the 2nd voice....what is something happens to my wife? my daughter?...and they don't have teh other voicee combatting teh doubts with the possible taste of true living awaiting in the wings......your mother and husbnad only stand to 'lose' in this equation.....if you don't hav eteh surgery they don't have to worry and possibly lose the life tehy are used to.....if you do have the surgery they only stand to 'lose'.......and they have nothing to 'gain' from u doing it. nOne of this happens on a conscious level...but automatically we are all wire dto protect ourselves and your doing this surgery can only pose a threat to them and them needing to worry about you. ...and lets not forget that your husband has the added quotient of your social acceptability factor going way up and thus posing a threat to his losing you. i'm sure thanksgiving eve is the least wanted day for this surgery as everyone looks fwd to pigging out on tday.....but believe me id grab that date if it was offere dto me....im still preop and hoping for a jan 2013 date. years from now it will seem like pure ignorance when peopel look v=back at the constant ridiculous 'dont be lazy just diet and eercise and it will come off' routine thrown at those struggling w their wt.....it's pure ignorance......we all have a metabolic disorder no different than diabetes...ecept instead of just insulin disregulation we also have ghrelin and leptin imbalances.....(studies have shown that now).....and this surgery corrects that on 2 fronts....by removing the grelin the leptin is automatically elevated... .DO IT. I'LL SUPPORT YOU....WE ALL WILL. ....email me anytime...xoxoxoxo

[slimagainsoon 88]

Your family is just afraid of the unknown. :ph34r: They may not have researched it and don't understand the benefits of it. All surgeries have its warning, but I am sure once you get your surgery date your husband or mom will be there to pick up up and be there for you. Stop worrying, and forcused on how much healthier you will be. My husband is not supportive of me and he knows I value his opinion but this is not about him, but me . I go for my final visit to surgeon Tues and get surgery date . Its his off day, now this morning he tells me he has to work . I believe he volunteered to work, to avoid going. Its all good . I have went to each appointment alone and was fine. However, he is taking two weeks off of work to help me and will be there when I have surgery . I know he is just scared for me, but also insecure due to his weight issues :wub: . I pray, that all works out for you and that your family will be there for you. They may not accept it, but hopefully will stand by your decision . Do you have a friend or another family member that can take you and pick you up? I know you still want your spouse and mom there. I have not told my mom yet because I know she will worry. Once I get my surgery date, I will have a talk with her. I know whether she agree with it or not, she will be there with my husband . God Bless you, cheer up sending positive waves your way!!!!!!!!!!

[ayyejaycee 15]

I have a surgery date set for 11/21. I know they are fearful. Buy I need this. I wish I had a friend to take me but Ive only told them because I don't want all the comments but ended up with them anyway.. smh

[wnicoleb 25]

Honestly this isn't the wasy way out and no one can understand until they are in our shoes! This WLs is way harder then it seems and it isn't an easy fix! I did it and don't regret a moment of it! Remind him "for better or for worst"

[GiGi3 33]

I would spend time gently talking to your husband. In my 33 years of knowing my husband, my weight was never discussed. No, they don't know what we go through on a daily basis. I told my husband I still do not want to talk about my weight, but did tell him I am unhappy and disgusted by my body. He is supportive.

As for your Mom, she does not have to be onboard. You are a grown-up woman now. You need to do what will make you happy. You are the only one that walks in your shoes.

Good luck, keep us posted.

[michelleooo513 245]

I can see where you are coming from in a sense ... my man isn't exactly supporting and has made some of the same comments. Not everyone is like us and not everyone... fat or skinny... can relate to us. Ide say a crack head who is addicted to crack would be.more understanding bc I look at it like an addiction. food is my life and its not as simple as putting down the burger and picking up a carrot. I get it... I get you.. and I get where you are coming from. My family has been very supportive of me and I'm lucky for that.... and honestly I think if they weren't on board they know that it wouldn't make or break my decision. Just do what's best for you bc ONLY you know what that is.

[TheCurvyJones 721]

Yes I tell.him that all the time. He really believes that I only wsnt to be sleeved because ill loose weight faster which is not always the case. He says the same lifestyle changes I'm making with surgery I can without surgery make those changes. At this point I'm trying to find a ride to and from the hospital.

My mother had RNY a very long time ago. My dad was SCARED. TO. DEATH for her... so he was mean about the surgery and kind of unsupportive. So my mom had her friend go with her and wouldn't allow him to even come and see her at the hospital. Once she came out and everything was fine, he loosened up.

He sounds afraid, so does your mother.. it's major surgery and although they are rare, there can be complications. The thing is that yeah... you are doing this for you. They don't have a choice but to be there for you because they love you. If you have to, take a cab to the hospital but have someone there who won't be yelling at you before and after surgery. You need a kind, smiling face to wake up to.

If you could really do it on your own, you would have. If anyone thinks going through this process, the surgery, the post op routine, the months of WORK that is involved in being a WLS patient, is easy, they are welcome to it.

If it was the easy way, it would be a heckuva lot easier to get approved, wouldn't it?

[Divapammy71 8]

Hey sis, if you were in Chicago, I'd go with you.. Even though I have support of my mom, brother, brother's girlfriend and my godson, the decision in the end is mine and mine alone. My doctor had even recommended this years ago but I refused. Now I am ready. I go 01/16/2013. You hang in there girlfriend. You have the support of people on this board and more than anything, know that God has your back, be blessed!!

[vols fan 60]

So I been on this journey since 2010... I didn't really discuss with anyone my.intentions until this year after I got married. No one really believd me when I said I had to take a 12 week long class and loose 10 % but when I finally finished I guess it all became real. I didn't want to tell my mom that this was it. I'm going to get sleeved because I knew she wouldn't agree with it. So I eased her into it. She didn't fully agree but she would be supportive. My husband knew all along what I was going to do. He wasn't too sure but he was going to support me because I made up my mind.

My sleeve date has been pushed.up to this wednesday. The day before thanksgiving. I'm stoked. I figure everyone else should be too right? HELL NO! I spoke with my mom about arrangements and she says that I shouldn't do this and she doesn't agree and that I can just work hard yadda yards ya! I was a little mad but I always know my mom will have my back. I text hubby to tell.him that moms not on board. He gets home and says YOU DIDN'T MAKE THIS DECISION WITH ME AND YOU SHOULD NOT GO THROUGH WITH THIS. YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TRIED TO REALLY LOOSE WEIGHT. LOOK AT ME I'M DETERMINED I LOST WEIGHT. UR BEING LAZY. U JUST WANT TO LOOSE WEIGHT FAST. This broke my heart! My husband has always been there for me. I don't want this to hurt us. But on the other hand. This is what I want. Nobody understands what I go through on a day to day basis. Nobody knows what I think.about it....

I just don't know anymore. My support system comprised of my mother and husband is gone. I don't want to go through with this alone...

Praying all goes well, stay strong I'm the same way don't wanna tell mom but husband supports me on this and sister, so stay strong let us know how it goes!