Objections From Loved Ones

[happyfam 24]

Has anyone had issues with loved ones objecting to surgery? My husband is the epitome of support, But my parents are very upset that I'm narrowing in on surgery. I'm 35, 13yrs married, 2 young kids, 5'3", 210lbs with no comorbitities. Everyday life is hard because of the weight. I hurt just breathing. Even so, My mom feels surgery is too drastic for my situation and I just need to try again. Build healthy meal plans and be diligent. She's offered everything short of moving in and holding my hand. Thing is - I'm not new to all this. I've been dieting my whole life. I KNOW what to do, but feel regardless of my best efforts at weight loss, I'll never keep it off without the assistance of something like the sleeve. I know im a grown woman and my parents aren't the boss of me ). But still, I feel like at this age, the days of stressing my mom out should be over. I even took my mom to a support group and it didn't help ease her concern. Any thoughts on this? Experiences?

How do you handle upsetting your loved ones. I'm a grown woman and feel like the days of stressing out my mom should be long gone... Thoughts?

[TheGamer 406]

My mom had a hard time when I told her. She thought it was pretty drastic, too, but when I approached her she knew I wasn't looking for opinions on it and that my mind was made up. My mom wanted to know every little thing about the procedure and ultimately when I had my surgery, she was the one who was here to help me out during and afterward. Honestly? She's scared for you. It's a big thing and she can't help you or protect you. If it's going to be a constant fight, you have to do what's best for you and if that means being able to say "Mom, we're not discussing this, let's talk about something else." then so be it.

When she sees that you're happier and healthier, she'll be okay with it.

[icon23 273]

This is precisely why I'm not telling my mom until afterwards--she's a worrier and she'll stress me out. I'm 37, but I'm still her child. I wish I had some good advice for you.

I do have an unsupportive best friend and it's not nearly the same as a disapproving parent, but I am seriously concerned that my decision and her reaction/attitude might end our friendship.

[happyfam 24]

Yeah, when my mom suggested I put it off a few months to give everyone time to get used to the idea, I told her that maybe it would be best if I just didn't tell people until after - if it was going to upset them so much.

I'm self pay (hence the low bmi and no comorbitities), so I can schedule to surgery at any point after my pre tests are complete. That in itself is intimidating.

[happyfam 24]

I do have an unsupportive best friend and it's not nearly the same as a disapproving parent' date=' but I am seriously concerned that my decision and her reaction/attitude might end our friendship.[/quote']

That's a shame. Eventually, regardless how a person might view another's decision, you have to accept and love people where they are - not where you want them to be. Conditional love sucks.

[icon23 273]

I am self-pay also, but I am in grad school, so I have to work around my school schedule. I'm getting it done in March, during Spring Break. I wish I didn't have to wait, but it also gives me plenty of time to research and read about everyone's experiences--good, bad, and in-between. You should definitely make up your own mind about when is the right time for you and not worry about what others think (even your mom, as hard as that is) because you are the one living in your skin and you know your struggles in a way that no one else possibly can. I also think TheGamer's suggestion about changing the subject with your mom (or anyone unsupportive) is a good one.

[LadyK 164]

How do you handle upsetting your loved ones. I'm a grown woman and feel like the days of stressing out my mom should be long gone... Thoughts?

Your mom is just being mom. She sees you as her baby, and still remembers the day you were born, feeding, changing you, comforting you when you were ill, and seeing you grow into a woman. She can't bear the thought of losing her baby in her eyes because of this type of surgery. Keep talking to her and reassuring her that everything will be alright, and stand your ground, ultimately this is your decision to make. She'll feel better when she sees you are happier and healthy. My mom was very supportive and encouraged me to do what ever I had to do to lose the weight because my weight was so high, I think she was more fearful of my weight and blood pressure than the surgery.

[Sade326 43]

I told my mom yesterday that getting surgery is in my mind. Honestly I didn't know what type if reaction I would get from my mom. Because we are pretty close and talk all the time, she always complains if my weight and some times it gets me mad. But when I ask her stuff she never really gives advice. She pretty much let me make my own choice and help or not help. But she is no shy bird so she will tell u how she feels.

When I told her she just got quiet. For some reason I just got real emotional while trying to explain to her how tired and frustrated I was with my weight and my body. She has witnessed me lose 70 lbs in 2010-2011 using HCG. From 251lbs in a 5 foot frame to 181. Now a year and a half later I weight 241lb. So she feels u can just do it again. But I've tried at least 10 times in the last year and a half. I lose some weight but the hunger controls everything. And I just can't stop eating.

After about and hr of back and forward conversation she finally excepted and said she'll go with me in case she has to smack the doctors. Lol

[chitowngirl 885]

Hmm... I would let her know that your not looking for opinions at this point, just support. Also have you thought about taking her to a doctors appointment with you? Let her ask your doctor questions.

[finallyFree 9]

Hi i'm new on here. Surgery scheduled for 12/11 in CLE, Oh. Yeah i've been totally avoiding my sisters because i know they will disapprove and tell me i just need to diet and exercise. Really.....is THAT how you loose weight? Geee i never thouht of that! Guess my 1200 to 1500 calorie a day plan wasn't a diet......and the walking and yard work i've been doing arent considered exercise. Whatever....i just figure i'll deal with them afterwards. Mom is worried. Just wants me to be safe. Told her i didnt want her there day of surgery. Dont want to scare her. Maybe after im home a week or so. Right now im scared of dehydration after surgery. I hear that is a problem. Any tricks to avoid that? Just sip Water all day long?

[ArcusX 216]

HappyFam, I think what others have said will serve you best at this point; her objections are noted, but you have made the decision and only seek her support. The results - the success and your well being - will be the proof in the end.

Though too late for HappyFam, others can take this manly advice: it's easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

I had no doubts my mom would be supportive, but I thought my mother-in-law would poo-poo the very idea. Over dinner on Saturday it came up, and she too thought it was a good step to take. Just lucky, I guess!

[jaxlaceylace 33]

Im lucky my parents were very supportive but my mom is crazy worried. Im having trouble with my friends. None of them understand. Ive battled this weight my entire life, Ive yo-yo for as long as I can remember. Ive been as small as a 12 as big as a 28. Its only got worse as I get older. They tell me this is a lazy way to do it and I should just diet and exercise, (like I didnt know what I need to do). My other favorite answer or dig is when they say why do you have to do something so drastic I mean youve lost the weight before *SMH* I just want to scream yeah Ive lost it all before and gained it all right back obviously this is the only shot I got and being drastic is my only hope to changing my life. At least we all have each other on here

[icon23 273]

Im lucky my parents were very supportive but my mom is crazy worried. Im having trouble with my friends. None of them understand. Ive battled this weight my entire life, Ive yo-yo for as long as I can remember. Ive been as small as a 12 as big as a 28. Its only got worse as I get older. They tell me this is a lazy way to do it and I should just diet and exercise, (like I didnt know what I need to do). My other favorite answer or dig is when they say why do you have to do something so drastic I mean youve lost the weight before *SMH* I just want to scream yeah Ive lost it all before and gained it all right back obviously this is the only shot I got and being drastic is my only hope to changing my life. At least we all have each other on here

I know what you mean about the unsupportive friends, although I only told one and decided not to tell any more until after the surgery because my best friend's reaction was so bad. Have you considered that they are maybe jealous?

[jaxlaceylace 33]

You know, I thought that too but... Sigh I don’t know some of them are skinny. I just wish they understood what I am going through. My fiancé isn’t 100% on board either. Its hard to explain the reasons why I need this surgery. I just wish they were there for me. I really am wishing I didn’t say anything till post surgery, but my sister did that and kept everything a secret before and after and she kind of went nuts the first 2-3 months post surgery. She said there was a lot of social awkwardness because no one knew. SMH guess its just all part of it. Im sticking with my choice and am super excited about it.

[icon23 273]

You know, I thought that too but... Sigh I don’t know some of them are skinny. I just wish they understood what I am going through. My fiancé isn’t 100% on board either. Its hard to explain the reasons why I need this surgery. I just wish they were there for me. I really am wishing I didn’t say anything till post surgery, but my sister did that and kept everything a secret before and after and she kind of went nuts the first 2-3 months post surgery. She said there was a lot of social awkwardness because no one knew. SMH guess its just all part of it. Im sticking with my choice and am super excited about it.

Even your skinny friends might be jealous or threatened that you won't be their "fat friend" anymore. I think it's definitely harder for them to understand needing WLS, but even overweight people have prejudices and misconceptions about it. Whatever their reasons for objecting, you have to focus on the reasons you have decided this is what's best for you. Hopefully they will come around after they see that you are successful and able to sustain it.