4 Wks Post Op Miserable

[shavelic 12]

What my take on Lux is this: He had a lot to say when he was in pain post-op and was very vocal about all of his issues. He had lively discussions with others who also had similar complications.

When Lux was feeling better, we never heard a peep from him. No updates, no current status reports or anything else.

There are some people who like to live in the problem instead of living in the solution.

I've seen this happen again an again.

[keepingmysecrets 36]

You make the assumption that Lux is feeling better; how would you know? Maybe, like me, when he initially posted, all he got was an onslaught of sleevers who did not acknowledge that some people do not get a good result or a relatively easy recovery so he did not bother to return.

I certainly do not know if he recovered fully and is now happy, or if the opposite occurred. However, I do know from my own experience here in this forum, that there are certain posters whose primary life is to live on these boards, defending the operation as the be all and end all for everyone. They feel that others should make a lifetime commitment to bring forth all their issues from day one onward.

This same group tends to "gang up" on any poster who challenges their own experiences with a different experience especially if that person posted a problem occurred. I read new posts, but I seldom post here. My own suggestion that I made in the past, that those considering bariatric surgery read all the threads, including the complications thread, was challenged by such a poster who agreed with another poster that reading the complications thread should not be done by anyone about to have the surgery. Knowledge is power, and going into the surgery knowing BOTH the good outcomes and the bad, is important.

My own sleeve operation, done on September 29th of 2014, was full of complications over two months and not the least bit easy. Although I can now eat almost any food without a serious problem, if I had to do it over again, I would never have had my surgery. And I have not come back to post an update because I feel no different now about this surgery than I did when I first had it.

I had managed to lose 170 pounds without the the surgery during the first year beforehand, and since then, due to complications during recovery, my weight loss is slower than ever. I have only lost an additional 35 pounds and have had many stalls that never occurred pre-surgically when I could fill up on salads without feeling hungry soon after. Now my sleeve empties so fast that I am constantly feeling unsatisfied with my food, although I am on the exact same diet guidelines and calories as before my surgery. I should have trusted my gut and just stayed on track with what I had been doing very successfully. The key to permanent weight loss is really about lifestyle change, and many people gain weight back after surgery because they do not make the changes necessary to stay on track. If you cannot stick to a healthy diet BEFORE surgery, surgery is not going to become a miracle fix it up for you or guaranteed solution to obesity.

So do not assume that Lux is not here because he finally feels good, maybe, like myself, he knows that any complaints he makes, or challenges to the status quo or other comments not to the liking of a certain group of posters, makes him a target.

I can take or leave what others have to say because I know what my own experience was, and always knew that there is no way that everybody has a great result with this surgery. But perhaps some people feel the need to return over and over again, when those types of posters confront their own experiences, to defend themselves or what happened to them and find that to be exhausting.

This forum can be a fabulous source of support, information, and help but due to a small minority of posters who think that they have all the answers for everyone, it can also become a source of contention and a form of stress. Maybe that was Lux's feelings after he posted here.

My suggestion is still to stick to the dietary guidelines, make it a permanent change for your lifelong happiness and expect that you may have a bad experience with the surgery. Also learn everything you can about it beforehand. If you can stick to a diet and exercise program for the remainder of your life, the surgery is not as necessary as you would think and if you cannot, the surgery is not going to provide long term and permanent weight loss on its own.

[shavelic 12]

I remember vividly that all of the posts made by Lux, were responded to with compassion and identification. He returned again and again because he was shown such kindness. So, please don't assume that he retreated because he wasn't supported.

The thing that bothered me about Lux, was that he was getting better (per his posts) but he never returned to share how he was doing, after he was given great support.

If he was not getting better, he would be dead. His complications were that serious!

You are still very new and things will change for you. You may never embrace the gastric sleeve as the correct procedure for you, but it is now something you are forced to deal with daily.

The diet that worked for you pre-op may not be appropriate for you post-op.

Please know that I wish you well and that you eventually heal completely from your surgery.

[keepingmysecrets 36]

Why is Lux required or expected to return to this forum? No one is obligated to log in and continue any discussion even if he or she began with getting help from others.

Help should be given without any expectation of obligation. It should be free of that. Maybe it is considered good form to continue to post updates but that is a completely different thing from being criticized for not coming back.

Only those that that seem to live for this forum or spend a good amount of time here would think that everyone should be like them. Posting here is VOLUNTARY and OPTIONAL.

As to my own dietary needs, that is no one's business either. I am still under the care of my bariatric surgeon who has told me to continue with the original program which gave me my first 170 pound loss. The difference is that my smaller stomach. This surgery is NOT for everyone and it does FREQUENTLY cause secondary issues.

People considering this surgery should read every single thing that they can, ask every question under the sun and read the complications thread and other postings by people who had complications. Even if I and Lux both eventually are fine, there was (is) a time when we were not. And neither of us is responsible to come back here to tell the forum posters that things resolved. The only reason some of the posters here resent Lux not coming back is that they want him to validate THEIR view that this type of surgery is the answer to every overweight or obese person's problems.

Like I said before, everyone, surgery or not MUST make a lifelong change in their eating habits or they will gain the weight back. The surgery is just another way, and a pretty temporary one at that, to assist in fast weight loss. If a person learns to change how they eat to a healthy lifestyle way, they will lose the weight and keep it off, surgery or no surgery.

It is amazing how many people go through the pain and permanancy of this surgery only to gain the weight back in a year or two because they did not change how they eat and what they eat. In the end, the only way to lose weight permanently and KEEP IT OFF is a healthy diet low in carbs, fat and calories.

I am happy that Lux got help and compassion from others but he is not obligated to anyone here for that "gift" to him.