you know your a bandster when...

[shellyj 5]

*I have a date" does not mean your going out.

*You have baby food in the house and no baby.

* "I'm a loser" is a good thing.

* All of your silverware says Gerber.

* "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.

* New clothes fall off in a month.

* You get excited about hand me downs.

* The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please".

* getting wrinkles is a good thing.

* "Just Water for me please".

* Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing.

* You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy.

* When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.

* When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.

* Other women are calling you "bitch" behind your back.

* When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't belong there".

* When you really don't have a thing to wear.

* You have to prove you are the person on the drivers license.

* You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.

* You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeons card.

* You are never parted from a bottle of Water

* When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.

* Being too small for your britches.

* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.

* When you go pick up your child at school and all the other kids say "WOW, your mom is hot!"

* When you got to the mall a take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door.

* You truly are a "cheap date".

* When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.

* You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.

* Vitamins feel like a meal.

* You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction.

* You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?"

* You can cross your legs... both of them

* Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra

* When your obsession from food turns to your scale.< /p>

* They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile.

* No more velcro shoes

* "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties

* When your stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables

* Your mother says "You don't eat enough"

* When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have sucess with this."

* Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him.

* You can wear corderoy pants without igniting a fire

* When you wave and your upper arms wave back

* You safety pin your underwear

* Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress

* Cannot blame the cat for shedding

* Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card

* The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god..did he die???

feel free to add more!!! i altered this to fit the lapband it was for RNY

[donali 57]

SHELLY!!!!!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!!! :D

[Penni60 45]

* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.

OH MY GAWD,......ROFLMAO,......OH $HIT I FELL OFF THE CHAIR LAUGHING SO HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[New Hope 37]

These are wonderful! Best laughs I've had all day!

[DeLarla 22]

* The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please".

Shelly, full tears running down my face... feel my first PB coming up from laughing on a full stomach... there's just no way to top that!

[mrwindt 12]

Fabulous!

How about...

You no longer insist on "a table, not a booth" at a restaurant.

You don't need a seat belt extender on an airplane.

The airline "snack" on a flight looks huge.

Keep them coming...

Mary