Stop Telling People!

[Fallenangel2904 494]

I just need to vent. I'm having surgery Wednesday. My mother has been very supportive through this whole thing. I live with her so we're very close. I've been very private with my decision to have surgery. I feel it's my business and Ill choose who knows. I've told a few of my best friends and a few family members. Most of my family doesn't know. So my mom takes it upon herself to tell her friends and acquaintances what is goin on they are not even her close friends, just friends she sees once in a while. A few are very judgmental and I just don't want them knowing. She can't understand why I'm angry at this, but its like its MY business! I don't want everyone knowing! She can't see she's wrong in this. I'm a very private person and I've only chosen to tell a select few, why would you think it's okay to blab to all these people I don't even hardly know? One of her friends is a vegan who works for a health food store and specifically I didn't want her telling him because he's one of those people who are extremely opinionated. He lectured me for half an hour one day when I told him I was taking Vitamin D supplements. I just didn't want to deal with more judgement. God knows I get that ENOUGH as a morbidly obese person!

I just needed to vent. Overall I am excited for surgery! Just a little stressed and annoyed today.

[lsereno 2,525]

Vent away! That's what we're here for.

I suggest getting your replies in order and just stick with them. Here's what I used:

For people I don't care about: "My doctor and I decided that this was the best option for me." If they continue on after that, I move away from them if possible or if I can't move away I tell them "Thanks for your concern. I can see you care about me, but It's very personal to me and I really don't want to talk about it anymore."

For people I do care about, I try to take time to address their concerns. For example, my Mom was terrified for my health. I told her a lot about the surgery and took her with me to my surgeon appt. so she could ask questions. She was still worried, but very supportive.

Lynda

[ArcusX 216]

Couldn't have said it better myself, Lynda!

[Fallenangel2904 494]

Thanks so much Lynda! I think I was trying to avoid those awkward confrontations because I hate confrontation, but your right I need to have an answer ready for those people.

Just wish my mother would learn to keep things quite, I probably should have expected this because she's always had a big mouth and blabbed things I just thought that something so big and private she would be able to keep to herself. Especially after I begged her to keep quite. Sigh. Thank you for the support!

[My Sleeved Tummy 56]

Congratulations on your surgery! I just had mine last Tuesday. It's been a little rough so far, but I'm super optimistic that the end result will definitely be worth the pain.

I know exactly how you feel about your mother telling everyone. Actually, my mom did that to me too.

Aside from my husband (of course), I decided to tell my parents, my sister and my grandmother. I see my mom and sister a lot and knew I wouldn't be able to hide it from them...and I'd probably need their help a little.

I absolutely did not want my brother or sister-in-law to find out until I was ready to tell them myself (if ever...). To put it mildly, my brother is a complete jerk and my sister-in-law is very jealous/judgemental. Besides, she always holds her "skinniness" over my head, you know. Sure...I might have everything else, but I'm still fat. That's how she feels about me.

Well, turns out my mom told them. Once I found out I asked her about it and she told me: "they're family. They have a right to know."

Seriously. That's what she said. I love my mom dearly, and really appreciate her...but that really made me angry. I won't be telling her anything important from now on.

...and I was right. My brother has been bad-talking me already...and now my ENTIRE family knows. Cousins and all.

[twoolley 141]

"They have a right to know."

Yeah... no they don't. At least not in my family. The more private I have been in the last few years the more badly they want to know what I am up to.

That said my whole family knows. I don't give a ____ what any of them think, I stopped caring years ago. They have all been supportive but they do know better than to tell me if they have a problem with it.

[Coykoi 45]

Im not as tactful, I would have said that since you heard it from someone other than me, you should share your opinion with that person, not me.

I also had someone who cant keep things to himself. When I was planning on the surgery several years ago, people that I didn't tell did the same thing. This time he's been warned, but I expect that the same thing will happen.

[iggychic 1,405]

Make her a latte and add exlax. She won't be able to leave the house to blab...oh if you have a cell phone, make sure its not in the bathroom

Don't kill her...just slow her down a bit

[Fallenangel2904 494]

Congratulations on your surgery! I just had mine last Tuesday. It's been a little rough so far' date=' but I'm super optimistic that the end result will definitely be worth the pain.

I know exactly how you feel about your mother telling everyone. Actually, my mom did that to me too.

Aside from my husband (of course), I decided to tell my parents, my sister and my grandmother. I see my mom and sister a lot and knew I wouldn't be able to hide it from them...and I'd probably need their help a little.

I absolutely did not want my brother or sister-in-law to find out until I was ready to tell them myself (if ever...). To put it mildly, my brother is a complete jerk and my sister-in-law is very jealous/judgemental. Besides, she always holds her "skinniness" over my head, you know. Sure...I might have everything else, but I'm still fat. That's how she feels about me.

Well, turns out my mom told them. Once I found out I asked her about it and she told me: "they're family. They have a right to know."

Seriously. That's what she said. I love my mom dearly, and really appreciate her...but that really made me angry. I won't be telling her anything important from now on.

...and I was right. My brother has been bad-talking me already...and now my ENTIRE family knows. Cousins and all.[/quote']

So sorry your going through my mother is the same way. I'm shocked she hasn't told the whole family yet- I suspect it's because she's not very close with most of the family for her own reasons. They are usually the ones who bare the brunt of her gossiping most of the time lol I don't like that its my turn bleh.

I know how you feel, I have a lot of judgements I family members also and don't want to have the whole 'have you tried diet an exercise?' Talk for the millionth time with them. I'm trying to brush it off, I hope your able to do that too. At the end I te day these people don't really matter- your sister in law, my mothers friends- they aren't important. It's out decision and our lives. Screw the rest. Sending you hugs! Thank you for the support and letting me know others have meddlesome family members too lol.

[Fallenangel2904 494]

Make her a latte and add exlax. She won't be able to leave the house to blab...oh if you have a cell phone' date=' make sure its not in the bathroom

Don't kill her...just slow her down a bit [/quote']

Lmaooo! Haha I needed the laugh today I appreciate it!

[Fallenangel2904 494]

Thanks everyone. I took a chill pill, got out for a few hours and feel a lot better. I'm gonna just let it go and be happy and excited (but slightly nervous) for surgery on Wednesday!

[iggychic 1,405]

Ok but if she does not hush...keep the latte in mind LMAO

[mwrarr 244]

This is why I don't want to tell my BF's family. He's uber private, & while I'm normally not SO private (though fairly tight lipped w/strangers, work & those previously proven unworthy of personal info), for this particular event, I've been super quiet--protective maybe. But his mom is very gossipy within their family. And I don't even know anyone except his parents & sister in their family. I'm sure it wouldn't be a judgment issue, but more a "now every body who doesn't even know Sam's business OR his GF now knows HER business". & I just don't think strangers deserve to know. If we were married maybe I'd feel differently. Idk

347*294/284/135 (*347HW/294SSW) | @Mwrarr | mwrarr.wordpress.com

[crickee 85]

First, good luck on your surgery Wednesday! We will be here rooting for you!!!!!

Second, I understand as I have only told a few people. My sister and my husband are very supportive. I decided to tell my brother (my parents are deceased). Well, that was a mistake, his first sentence was "well I don't mean to be critical", I almost hung up on him. He then proceeded to tell me complications that his wife's sister had last year (she had the full gastric bypass). I tried to explain to him that there are fewer complications with the sleeve and just decided to let it go. I have decided that if he brings it up again, I will tell him that if he can't be positive, then I will not talk with him about it. He is Mr. Exercise who thinks it should be easy, however he has never been overweight in his life.

It was a lessoned learned, I will only tell people who care for me and will be supportive!

I love that we can vent here!!!!

[Skinnypie 66]

Mwrarr:... I'm (recently) married and the way I feel hasn't changed!! I feel the same way about his mom and family... His mom is super gossipy, in the past I was considering getting a teaching certificate but Then my job gave me an offer I couldn't resist... Anyway, when I went back home to see his family ( they live in a different city) some of his family that I hardly know like second cousins and aunts ALL asked me about how the teaching cert. program was going... And it made me SO uncomfortable to have to explain MY business to them, so that is why I'm dreading telling her about the surgery, although for sure I will express to her how private it is, so I hope she can keep my reasons and everything to herself...