Selfish Discouraging Friends :(

[Mz.Smurf 31]

I have waited 8 almost 9 months to hear the words you've been approved...I worked hard at what I needed in order to be blessed with having my surgery done on Nov 27th without no cost to me...this surgery means alot to me...my health is at risk if I don't loose this weight...people that are suppose to be my friends and support are bringing me down with all their negativity and words of I know people who have had a gastric surgery and they died from it, don't do it...why would you discourage a person that is 2wks away from surgery...why would you do that at all...(sighs) I was so excited when I got the news that I was approved and now im frighten because I have 3 kids to live for...im still gonna do what I have to do and keep my faith...im not gonna let them get to me...it just hurt my feelings to know that they are not supporting me on my journey. ((

[armygirl 19]

A lot of people will try and discourage you, but you said it best you have three children to live for, and by having this surgery you are making the quality of life better for you and your children. Weight will kill you too, have you talked to your surgeon yet? Ask him who many patient he has lost to the surgery and also remember everyone is different what my be easy for you may be a struggle for others. Be strong a positive and do your research. I also have three children of my own and a handsome husband and I get sleeved on the 19th, I am doing this for my health and my family. Starting at 260 5'5 and with 3 comorbities so I need this. So regardless of what you decide you have a new BFF in me:)

[saddie 21]

i sure know that feeling, its not my friends but my famly. you know the ones that never want to be seen with me because i was fat. i just bit back at them and said, maybe, had you spent more time with me and not been so ashamed of me, i would of never felt this desperate, but maybe in a small way i,m glad they pushed me to this. i just have to hope no complications as i know i will hear.....i told you so.......

[notmeanymore 629]

I feel you too. I lost my best friend when I told her I wanted to start my journey. She believes that anything you want you just ask the Universe for and youll get it. So because I wasnt losing weight and being healthy, I didnt really want it bad enough. If I had, the Universe would have provided. Cmon now! I live in reality and so do you. We just have to come to terms that haters are gonna hate and true friends will make their presence known and a major life change weeds out the crappy ones or the fake ones.

You do what you have to do for you and your children, no one else!

[coltonwade 27]

I have lost a few friends over my surgery .. their loss not mine . I have struggled for 3 yrs to get this surgery . I have issues with my lap band that over the years have made it difficult to eat with out pain . I currently am only able to drink liquids. EVERYONE has their own opinions. Why dont you do this .. One friend told me I have ruined my body enough with the lap band I need to stop " !! SERIOUSLY ! I have PCOS and if i dont get revised the weight will come back on and i wil get diabetes with in 5 yrs !! People critized me because I had a fundraiser for myself. I had no other choice I had to get this band out ... I took out pre exisiting insurnace which is $250 a month for JUST ME , we cant afford it but what choice do i have ... I raised enough money for the dedictible .. I work 2 part time jobs and people had the nerve to tell me " quit your jobs and divorce your husband and get medicaid ! " ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME !! Anyway .. Do what you have to do for you .. People who have never been over weight have NO CLUE and the ones that do are bitter usually , i know that is hard to say myself but its what i found .. Congrats on your surgery !!!

[diamondkized 70]

I have heard the same thing about people knowing others who died from the surgery. Myresponse is well I know people who have died from being fat so now what. I am having surgery 12/10 and I am anxious for a new life and that's all that counts.

[rainbows 35]

They may just be worried about you and have a hard way of showing it. Let them know how you feel!

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

health at risk ...people are suppose to be my friends and support me down with all their negativity and words now im frighten because I have 3 kids to live for...im still gonna do what I have to do ..im not gonna let them get to me..

MzSmurf

discussions on the board why friends/family discourage others from having WLS - being jealous they are going to be loosing their "fat" eating/dinner friend - or genuinly concerned about your health etc

sorry about reactions you received - i do think they "were" your friends, but.............they didn't handle your news well, fill in the blanks on there thoughts

I didn't tell anyone pre-op about my surgery (except long talks w/DH)

I didn't want to hear any possible negative conversations concering the WLS, I already had made up my mind on the sleevef

PO i told my family and they were very happy and excited for me

i was always the "heavy"overweight black sheep" - so they were in my corner about loosing weight

Many people say one factor of wanting to loose their weight is for our children.

"friends" who say, oh no, what would happen to these kids if during surgery this or that happened???

people can be so stupid and insensitive

Being obese is so unhealthy - we all know that - all our co-morbidities - the kids see you dealing w/these problems

Losing this excess weight only makes life better for you, kids, family and friends

NEWBIES

prior to WLS - don't scream it from the roof tops that you are having WLS

people might "pat" you on the back saying how happy they are for you, others might have different reactions that you don't need to hear

choose people after the fact that you want to tell about your new pending life-when WLS is done and over with, friends who tried to discourage you before, will realize its too late now - so they will either support you - or hopefully keep their mouths shut

hmmmm - WLS couple of days after Thanksgiving - either have that extra slice of pie

if you are pre-op - i would leave the country, getting as far away from the pie as possible (umm cherry is my favorite)

good luck w/surgery

speedy recovery

[jennaayyy03 33]

I feel you too. I lost my best friend when I told her I wanted to start my journey. She believes that anything you want you just ask the Universe for and youll get it. So because I wasnt losing weight and being healthy' date=' I didnt really want it bad enough. If I had, the Universe would have provided. Cmon now! I live in reality and so do you. We just have to come to terms that haters are gonna hate and true friends will make their presence known and a major life change weeds out the crappy ones or the fake ones.

You do what you have to do for you and your children, no one else![/quote']

I know what u mean, I too lost my.bestfriend when I had told her I was going on this journey.. Sometimes my husband even tells me your the one who wanted to do this so don't complain that u can't eat.. and that bugs the f**k out of me... I know he does it cause he gets mad that I'm doing this surgery cause he knows I will then have more self-esteem... Keep ur head up my surgery is the 17th and I'm trying to keep going strong.. but its hard when u don't have much support..

[DayByDay 123]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I just don't get people. I take such joy in seeing other people succeed. My first major attempt to lose weight I lost 90lbs. Some people were great, but others would make the rudest comments. (A reason why I am keeping my surgery a secret, its not shame I just don't need that negative feedback.) Don't let other people take away your joy. Be happy for yourself.

[Mz.Smurf 31]

A lot of people will try and discourage you' date=' but you said it best you have three children to live for, and by having this surgery you are making the quality of life better for you and your children. Weight will kill you too, have you talked to your surgeon yet? Ask him who many patient he has lost to the surgery and also remember everyone is different what my be easy for you may be a struggle for others. Be strong a positive and do your research. I also have three children of my own and a handsome husband and I get sleeved on the 19th, I am doing this for my health and my family. Starting at 260 5'5 and with 3 comorbities so I need this. So regardless of what you decide you have a new BFF in me:)

[/quote']

Thank you so much...I did my research and yes I have talked to my doctor...I didn't think to ask how many pt's he has lost because im not trying to think of that...I know everyone is different but I also know that when your number is up it's up no matter how you go...but as for me I will take your advice and ask my doctor when I see him next week...also thank you for your support and being a wonderful person...im gonna have my surgery because im gonna be here for my kids nothing is gonna stop that I love them to much and i've came to far to give up now.

[Mz.Smurf 31]

i sure know that feeling' date=' its not my friends but my famly. you know the ones that never want to be seen with me because i was fat. i just bit back at them and said, maybe, had you spent more time with me and not been so ashamed of me, i would of never felt this desperate, but maybe in a small way i,m glad they pushed me to this. i just have to hope no complications as i know i will hear.....i told you so.......[/quote']

Go into it with a clear mind and know that your doing this to better you...your gonna loose people but you will gain a new you and a new will to live and be happy...new positive people will come into your life and love you the way that you love yourself and the way that your family should love you and support you...if you need a supportive friend im here for you sweety.

[Mz.Smurf 31]

I feel you too. I lost my best friend when I told her I wanted to start my journey. She believes that anything you want you just ask the Universe for and youll get it. So because I wasnt losing weight and being healthy' date=' I didnt really want it bad enough. If I had, the Universe would have provided. Cmon now! I live in reality and so do you. We just have to come to terms that haters are gonna hate and true friends will make their presence known and a major life change weeds out the crappy ones or the fake ones.

You do what you have to do for you and your children, no one else![/quote']

Thank you and I am gonna do what I have to do for me and mine...im finding out who my true friends are and who my haters are and im gone be just fine without those so called friends

[Mz.Smurf 31]

I have lost a few friends over my surgery .. their loss not mine . I have struggled for 3 yrs to get this surgery . I have issues with my lap band that over the years have made it difficult to eat with out pain . I currently am only able to drink liquids. EVERYONE has their own opinions. Why dont you do this .. One friend told me I have ruined my body enough with the lap band I need to stop " !! SERIOUSLY ! I have PCOS and if i dont get revised the weight will come back on and i wil get diabetes with in 5 yrs !! People critized me because I had a fundraiser for myself. I had no other choice I had to get this band out ... I took out pre exisiting insurnace which is 250 a month for JUST ME ' date=' we cant afford it but what choice do i have ... I raised enough money for the dedictible .. I work 2 part time jobs and people had the nerve to tell me " quit your jobs and divorce your husband and get medicaid ! " ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME !! Anyway .. Do what you have to do for you .. People who have never been over weight have NO CLUE and the ones that do are bitter usually , i know that is hard to say myself but its what i found .. Congrats on your surgery !!![/quote']

Thank you for your positivity and support...I will be praying for you with your journey God will make this happen for you just hang in there...people who are telling you to do all these things don't really care about you...but you hang in there it will get better...I love the fact that you have that drive to get what you want and need sweety...Goodluck!

[Mz.Smurf 31]

I have heard the same thing about people knowing others who died from the surgery. Myresponse is well I know people who have died from being fat so now what. I am having surgery 12/10 and I am anxious for a new life and that's all that counts.

Already girl...im 2wks away from surgery...im still happy and excited to be a healthier new person...its just discouraging when you deal with stupidity.