Selfish Discouraging Friends :(

[Mz.Smurf 31]

MzSmurf

discussions on the board why friends/family discourage others from having WLS - being jealous they are going to be loosing their "fat" eating/dinner friend - or genuinly concerned about your health etc

sorry about reactions you received - i do think they "were" your friends' date=' but.............they didn't handle your news well, fill in the blanks on there thoughts

I didn't tell anyone pre-op about my surgery (except long talks w/DH)

I didn't want to hear any possible negative conversations concering the WLS, I already had made up my mind on the sleevef

PO i told my family and they were very happy and excited for me

i was always the "heavy"overweight black sheep" - so they were in my corner about loosing weight

Many people say one factor of wanting to loose their weight is for our children.

"friends" who say, oh no, what would happen to these kids if during surgery this or that happened???

people can be so stupid and insensitive

Being obese is so unhealthy - we all know that - all our co-morbidities - the kids see you dealing w/these problems

Losing this excess weight only makes life better for you, kids, family and friends

....going on about stuff many of you know ooooop

ending with IMO

NEWBIES

prior to WLS - don't scream it from the roof tops that you are having WLS

people might "pat" you on the back saying how happy they are for you, others might have different reactions that you don't need to hear

choose people after the fact that you want to tell about your new pending life-when WLS is done and over with, friends who tried to discourage you before, will realize its too late now - so they will either support you - or hopefully keep their mouths shut

hmmmm - WLS couple of days after Thanksgiving - either have that extra slice of pie

if you are pre-op - i would leave the country, getting as far away from the pie as possible (umm cherry is my favorite)

good luck w/surgery

speedy recovery[/quote']

Thank you and your absolutely right I should have kept my mouth closed about it and just did it...but these are friends and a few family members...people I have known all my life and half my life...I just never expected that I guess...(smiling about your Thanksgiving joke you are so right...I need to go out to sea lol because I want that fried turkey lol...

[Mz.Smurf 31]

MzSmurf

discussions on the board why friends/family discourage others from having WLS - being jealous they are going to be loosing their "fat" eating/dinner friend - or genuinly concerned about your health etc

sorry about reactions you received - i do think they "were" your friends' date=' but.............they didn't handle your news well, fill in the blanks on there thoughts

I didn't tell anyone pre-op about my surgery (except long talks w/DH)

I didn't want to hear any possible negative conversations concering the WLS, I already had made up my mind on the sleevef

PO i told my family and they were very happy and excited for me

i was always the "heavy"overweight black sheep" - so they were in my corner about loosing weight

Many people say one factor of wanting to loose their weight is for our children.

"friends" who say, oh no, what would happen to these kids if during surgery this or that happened???

people can be so stupid and insensitive

Being obese is so unhealthy - we all know that - all our co-morbidities - the kids see you dealing w/these problems

Losing this excess weight only makes life better for you, kids, family and friends

....going on about stuff many of you know ooooop

ending with IMO

NEWBIES

prior to WLS - don't scream it from the roof tops that you are having WLS

people might "pat" you on the back saying how happy they are for you, others might have different reactions that you don't need to hear

choose people after the fact that you want to tell about your new pending life-when WLS is done and over with, friends who tried to discourage you before, will realize its too late now - so they will either support you - or hopefully keep their mouths shut

hmmmm - WLS couple of days after Thanksgiving - either have that extra slice of pie

if you are pre-op - i would leave the country, getting as far away from the pie as possible (umm cherry is my favorite)

good luck w/surgery

speedy recovery[/quote']

Thank you and your absolutely right I should have kept my mouth closed about it and just did it...but these are friends and a few family members...people I have known all my life and half my life...I just never expected that I guess...(smiling about your Thanksgiving joke you are so right...I need to go out to sea lol because I want that fried turkey lol...

[Mz.Smurf 31]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I just don't get people. I take such joy in seeing other people succeed. My first major attempt to lose weight I lost 90lbs. Some people were great' date=' but others would make the rudest comments. (A reason why I am keeping my surgery a secret, its not shame I just don't need that negative feedback.) Don't let other people take away your joy. Be happy for yourself.[/quote']

I know I wish I didn't tell anybody...but I was so excited for myself...people can be such a**es...im still gonna do this for me

[DayByDay 123]

I know I wish I didn't tell anybody...but I was so excited for myself...people can be such a**es...im still gonna do this for me

I wish you great success! I'm excited for you! Can't wait to read your success story.

[Mz.Smurf 31]

I wish you great success! I'm excited for you! Can't wait to read your success story.

Thank you so much ))

[armygirl 19]

Daybyday I haven't told anyone about my upcoming surgery on the 19th except my husband and my best friend. But now I wishing I had never told her... She is always making comments about me going to be to fine to hang with her. Helk at 100 lbs overweight I'm still fine but you are still my friend! The real reason I let her in us because my husband was being deployed and u would need some assistance with my kids! We well see how this plays out????

[monaie 6]

You know I have mixed views from those around me. My mom and grandmother are happy that I'm doing it but won't consider doing it for themselves ( both are over 300 pounds). My very best friend told me I was taking the easy way out, while she is starving herself two weeks after giving birth. My other close friend told me she was very happy for me because if she could she would. I have been going back and forth with my friends and family. My husband is very happy for me, he tells me that I need to do this for me. Plus I think that he is secretly scared of me becoming my mothers and grandmother size. I thinks it's better to support someone than to judge. Share with those who will be positive and avoid those with their negative thoughts. This a life changing surgery. I tell people send your encouragement this way and keep that negativity that way.

[steelergirl 135]

I feel you too. I lost my best friend when I told her I wanted to start my journey. She believes that anything you want you just ask the Universe for and youll get it. So because I wasnt losing weight and being healthy' date=' I didnt really want it bad enough. If I had, the Universe would have provided. Cmon now! I live in reality and so do you. We just have to come to terms that haters are gonna hate and true friends will make their presence known and a major life change weeds out the crappy ones or the fake ones.

You do what you have to do for you and your children, no one else![/quote']

The universe provided you with this opportunity...I believe the same way she does..and had my surgery..the universe and God doesn't put limitations on how you get where your going and she definitely can't write the rule book

[notmeanymore 629]

The universe provided you with this opportunity...I believe the same way she does..and had my surgery..the universe and God doesn't put limitations on how you get where your going and she definitely can't write the rule book

Thank you for saying that. I believe that as well. The Universe provided me this opportunity. Just because it wasnt HER way, doesnt mean it wasnt a way. While I miss having a girl best friend, I have my husband and he is my number 1 best friend and he supports my decision 100%! I feel fortunate that I know now that she wasnt the friend I thought she was.

[LadyK 164]

Aww, don't feel bad girlie I've had this same conversation with my cousin about "friends" that have told her the same thing you heard. What I told her was that her "friend" is jealous. Why would you discourage someone from something that will save their life? I believe because the friend is afraid, in their mind that after surgery, you'll get more attention than they will...sad, because this is a self-esteem issue in the other person. Keep your head up and keep it moving, I have children as well and I told a few people and heard a few negative responses along the way, but I do not give a rat's behind about what they think, because it will be priceless around this time next year Lord willing that I'll be able to run, jump rope, roller skate, and play with my girls with out saying, Mommy can't, I'm tired. Your doing this for your health, and if she doesn't understand this at some point, baby let her drop just like the weight your about to lose. Sometimes you have to love people from a distance. Cheer up now and smile, you are going to get through this

[Mz.Smurf 31]

Aww' date=' don't feel bad girlie I've had this same conversation with my cousin about "friends" that have told her the same thing you heard. What I told her was that her "friend" is jealous. Why would you discourage someone from something that will save their life? I believe because the friend is afraid, in their mind that after surgery, you'll get more attention than they will...sad, because this is a self-esteem issue in the other person. Keep your head up and keep it moving, I have children as well and I told a few people and heard a few negative responses along the way, but I do not give a rat's behind about what they think, because it will be priceless around this time next year Lord willing that I'll be able to run, jump rope, roller skate, and play with my girls with out saying, Mommy can't, I'm tired. Your doing this for your health, and if she doesn't understand this at some point, baby let her drop just like the weight your about to lose. Sometimes you have to love people from a distance. Cheer up now and smile, you are going to get through this [/quote']

I couldn't have said it better myself,thanks for all that positive energy hun Lord knows I needed it...yes next year at this time will be bliss...I can't wait to run and play with my babies...life is going to be great and u can't wait to enjoy it freely and healthy...I have gotten through it...I have to much to do at tgis point...I don't have time for haters...thank you again for the positivity

[icon23 273]

Thank you and I am gonna do what I have to do for me and mine...im finding out who my true friends are and who my haters are and im gone be just fine without those so called friends

I am glad that you are going forward with this. You are making the right choice for yourself and your family. I have no doubt that your surgery will be a success, but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[icon23 273]

I'm not happy that so many people have lost friends over making this very important, life-saving decision, but I am happy to know that I'm not alone. I'm pretty close to going through the same thing. My best friend is trying to make me wait a year to get it done by saying that she won't go with me otherwise (I'm self-pay, getting it done in Mexico) and she wants us to diet and exercise together in the meantime in hopes that I'll lose enough weight that way to change my mind (ha!). She is only 30 lbs overweight and she has no idea what being this overweight is like. I'm not afraid to go alone to get my surgery, so her ultimatum isn't going to work on me and I'm not talking to her anymore about it until after it's done, so I don't know what will happen to our friendship then. As a result of her reaction, I am not telling anyone else until after it's done either (and even then, very selectively).

[K33 87]

I don't plan on telling very many people until after my surgery. I told 1 friend who was very happy for me because another friend of hers lost a lot of weight and was thrilled with the results. However, my friend said she would not have surgery. That is the kind of answer and kind of friend that I I want in my life. I have a second friend who is an acupuncturist and a healer who is always reminding me how much fat is in the food I eat. I know she loves me. But I won't tell her until after the surgery. I plan to use my primary care physician as my shield against criticism. When I asked my doctor about the surgery, she said she had just gone to the National bariatric convention. She said there is a 1 percent chance I would be able to lose enough weight to matter since my set point has been very high for so very long. Basically she said there is very little chance I could accomplish my goal of major weight loss and keeping it off using any other method. She even wishes her own husband would have the surgery.

[MrsBenson 29]

None of my friends even know I'm doing this. And I never plan on telling anyone. Only my brother and husband knows. Its none of their business.