Seeking Advise On Coworker Lunch This Week

[Fiddleman 4,376]

I have not told anyone at work about my WLS. And I mean no-one.

I am a remote worker for a very large company where the office for my team is headquartered on the east coast (I work their hours plus more). Since we have had a travel freeze, I have not visited them since Feb this year (9 months ago). This week I am going to be having a casual lunch with another coworker who works remote like me. She wanted to get together with me because it has been awhile. She will be bringing her husband and I will be bringing my wife.

That is the setup. I don't want everyone in the office on the east coast to know I have had WLS because I guess there is still a lot of negativity around the subject coming from others and I really don't want to tell the same story to 40+ people.. I would rather say at the lunch that I have just been watching my diet and exercising. This is the truth, just not the whole truth. I don't want to lie to them either because everyone really gets along with everyone else ( rare in corp offices today). I am also a fairly honest person so feel uncomfortable about telling even small 1/2 truths.

I am looking for a graceful way to handle this because the person I am meeting last saw me in Feb when I was 360 or so. i dropped to 335 lb by surgery date at beginning of July and am now 215 lb 4 months later post op. She is going to notice! And then I will have some explaining to do and then it will get back to the rest of the team. And then I will have more explaining to do. I don't want it to become gossipy or political as I really like my job and don't want to lose it should things get out of hand. We typically are not gossipy as a team and it is forbidden in the code of ethics. However, you never know. One other thing is that I have known coworker and husband for 6 years and we used to work together at my prior job. I would say we are really good friends when it comes to work activities, but not friends really outside of work. She is also in a higher ranking position then me and has established herself very well with management; she is more valuable then I if there were ever any need to choose.

Do you think 9 months is essentially enough to attribute 25 pre op + 120 post op weight loss to diet and exercise when I meet her in a couple days?

What would you do?

[theoldmusicbox 399]

this is how i have handled these problems.

i tell people almost the entire truth.

1) my family doctor told me at the beginning of the year that if i didn't get under control now, i would be a diabetic in 2 years, dead in 10 and someone else would be walking my daughters down the aisle when they got married. then he referred me to a nutritionist.

2) after meeting with our nutritionist, she put me on a very strict diet, tailored to my specific weight loss needs.

3) after i lost the first 50 pounds, i was able to really get started in an exercise routine

4) it has been a huge adjustment for me and my family, and a lot of hard work, but it's paying off and i'm really starting to feel like a new man.

this will also help when it comes time to order your food. here is some survival tips.

be proactive, try to be the one that picks the restaraunt. that way, you know there are things that you can eat without worry.

let the waiter bring you a glass of Water. you dont have to drink it, but, it will save you the problem.

try to get something that looks bigger than it is. Soup is great! you can eat more of it, and some restaraunts have good low cal Soups.

or, just order off the appetiser menu, or pick something that has good Protein and lots of veggies and eat what you can and push the rest around so that it looks eaten.

and finally, talk. talk about anything, and everything. trust me, you will be thinking about what you're eating much more than they are. as long as you keep the conversation going, they wont notice that you are only taking 1 or 2 bites every couple of minutes.

relax, they will probably be so happy for you, that your NUT diet story will be so good. just try not to wince when they tell you that at least you are losing weight "the right way".

good luck

[theoldmusicbox 399]

oh yeah, and when they ask about the diet, i tell them that she makes me stay under 1500 calories a day, high Protein, low fat, moderate carbs.

[steelergirl 135]

Theres no shame in this surgery..just be proud..i tell complete strangers if it comes up..if they are good people..they will be soooo happy for you. If they are not..then not worth the energy your using thinking of what to tell them.

[delta_girl 931]

Say you took control of your health, you feel great, and thanks for the compliment.

[rosehips 121]

I understand being an honest person and not wanting to lie. You might be over thinking this to some degree, yes your 150 lb weight loss is a lot over 8-9 months. But this person does not know the pounds and everyone is into themselves.

Since you feel strongly about keeping this private you definitely should. Less is more, keep it simple so it is not hard to remember.

How does this sound......the person is going to say something like "OMG u have lost so much weight". You could say" yes, I started a nutritional program with a doctor and an exercise program, i feel great, tell me what's new in your life?". Every time the person brings it up you just Beas honest as possible, u r seeing a nutritionist at a dr.'s office and you are exercising. You just aren't saying you went in for an operation 1st. And u don't have to share how many pounds you have lost.

One day I had to tell a person, "I'd rather not say.". The person did not get upset, the questions were stopped. I have overthought this same issue....less is more, get them to tell you what has been happening in their life. Good luck, let us know how it goes for you

[iggychic 1,405]

I would use Delta's line before I'd use a half truth myself. I think half truths hurt your credibility in the long run.

I work remotely as well and only see the team once or twice a year. I hadn't decided what I would say initially...heck I wasn't going to tell local friends, but finally I realized I'd be lying constantly every time someone asked us out to a meal or to their house. It felt good to just tell the truth, and in the end, given the complications that I dealt with I thank goodness I did tell the truth because they would have felt betrayed if I'd had lied I think.

So the annual meeting came around and a couple of weeks before I told DH to go ahead and tell the management team what was up. He was spending a lot of time at hospital with me, and at the time my life was in kind of a shaky position so I thought again that honesty was the best policy. When the meeting came around I was complimented on the changes, but there was no gossip because I put it out there myself. Sure some thought the surgery was extreem, heck I think it's extreem and don't approve of my doing it LOL but either way, me putting it out there sort of squashed the need to talk about it so it wasn't an issue.

I don't go into great detail except to say that I had weight loss surgery. For you I'd say "I had WLS and I feel great about my health now" and leave it as that. You can also...if pressed, say "Oh I don't want to go into all of that, but thanks for asking, I feel great". Only an idiot is going to press at that point.

I'm kind of an "honesty is the best policy" kind of girl. I know you are not lying, but even you feel that it's a half truth. As said above, you have nothing to be ashamed of, and unlike me, you didn't nearly kill yourself having the surgery (which does make it harder to justify LOL) and you are a visible example of how well it's worked.

I'll add that I'm the bosses wife and I work for the company so gossip about me is normal But I'll also add that as a "higher up" on the chain, I wouldn't consider WLS in a decision to lose an employee. If someone was gossiping or causing issues about it with that person, they wouldn't be the person who'd be let go. It sounds like you don't work in that kind of company, so that's likely not an issue, but I just wanted to point that out. I wouldn't hold a breast augmentation against a staff member, even though I'm not a huge fan, nor would I hold a penis enlargement surgery against a man. WLS, is at least in general for a health reason But surgeries in general...I can't see them effecting an employment situation, even if it's a surgery I wouldn't have myself.

[Fitjen 17]

It's sad that we all have reason to worry about the reactions from others regarding our decision for surgery. If we were diabetic we'd take insulin with no shame or Chemo and radiation for cancer. Obesity is a disease and it is my hope that someday the rest of the world will catch on and begin to understand. Those of us who've been sleeved know that this is not an easy way out or a magic wand solution. It is a tool to assist us in becoming well.

[chris54 106]

What is really sad to me is that people feel they r obligated to tell others about a decision they made for themselves I bet no one went to the individuals of concern asking thier opions whether or not they should hve the surgery or which surgery they should have. Really sad because most of the people u are concerned about telling probley thought when u were heavy that u should do something about your weight whether they said it or thought it we all know the sterotypes people hve about overweight people no matter how smart or well you do your job. So now you hve become proactive in prolonging your life, u feel you hve to explain explain explain. I just don't get it. My plan has always been to say I am on a supervised medical eating and exercise plan that is working for me. End of story. If they cannot respect that, they probley will be negative if you gave them more details.

[Dallasgrl47 13]

I have not told anyone at work about my WLS. And I mean no-one.

I am a remote worker for a very large company where the office for my team is headquartered on the east coast (I work their hours plus more). Since we have had a travel freeze, I have not visited them since Feb this year (9 months ago). This week I am going to be having a casual lunch with another coworker who works remote like me. She wanted to get together with me because it has been awhile. She will be bringing her husband and I will be bringing my wife.

That is the setup. I don't want everyone in the office on the east coast to know I have had WLS because I guess there is still a lot of negativity around the subject coming from others and I really don't want to tell the same story to 40+ people.. I would rather say at the lunch that I have just been watching my diet and exercising. This is the truth, just not the whole truth. I don't want to lie to them either because everyone really gets along with everyone else ( rare in corp offices today). I am also a fairly honest person so feel uncomfortable about telling even small 1/2 truths.

I am looking for a graceful way to handle this because the person I am meeting last saw me in Feb when I was 360 or so. i dropped to 335 lb by surgery date at beginning of July and am now 215 lb 4 months later post op. She is going to notice! And then I will have some explaining to do and then it will get back to the rest of the team. And then I will have more explaining to do. I don't want it to become gossipy or political as I really like my job and don't want to lose it should things get out of hand. We typically are not gossipy as a team and it is forbidden in the code of ethics. However, you never know. One other thing is that I have known coworker and husband for 6 years and we used to work together at my prior job. I would say we are really good friends when it comes to work activities, but not friends really outside of work. She is also in a higher ranking position then me and has established herself very well with management; she is more valuable then I if there were ever any need to choose.

Do you think 9 months is essentially enough to attribute 25 pre op + 120 post op weight loss to diet and exercise when I meet her in a couple days?

What would you do?

I am not telling my work either, (two girls know) and I think I would put it as "I have been working very hard at getting healtheir" and leave it at that. It is in no way a lie and you don't have to tell them how you are working hard just that you are. If they ask what diet say you are eating higher protine and watching your carbs, still 100% truth. Best of luch to you.

[kyzee 8]

I just had a similar situation, a work dinner, there were 7 of us and two people knew, they asked bout the weightloss etc, told them I'm exercising, low carbs, high Protein, low calories which is all the truth, when they offered to put more food on my plate etc I just said I had a bit of a 'funny tummy' that day... I later asked the two that knew if it was obvious I didn't/couldn't eat much, they said no it was not noticeable, I was more paranoid than them lol

[sramos89 260]

You are toast my friend! You lost so much weight! Nice job on that! Super policy at work on not gossiping but YOU are going to be hot gossip for months, policy or no policy! No one can lose that much weight and not be under the gossip microscope for "did he or didn't he have surgery". Look at Star Jones, she lied to the public for months, telling everyone she didn't have surgery, she did it with diet and exercise. The other posters are right, this is America and we don't have to tell people if we don't want too! It is our private medical business. In my humble opinion if you fess up to the surgery there is less to gossip about. You had it, you are thin, end of gossip. BUT, if you don't tell, it festers the gossip wheel of "did you or didn't you" Plus, you could be a real inspiration to those fighting obesity. I sound real bold in my advise but I too work in a remote office site and have not told my co-workers but feel that time will come soon! Congrats to you!

[Geminidrive 389]

Why lie when the truth will do? Man up and tell them if they ask. Free yourself of all of the unnecessary gossip. Good luck!

[delta_girl 931]

If you are interested, here is some information on HIPPA law. Your medical privacy is protected, but gossip doesn't know it.

http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacy/hipaa/understanding/summary/index.html

[Devon 15]

I've lost 55lb (I'm 5'1") - when people ask me how have I lost so much weight, I tell them the truth... "I don't eat"... and then I change the subject. Most people are only interested in themselves anyway, so that's usually the end of the story. If they ask me why I decided to lose the weight, again I tell them the truth - I was out of control, in terrible shape - pre-diabetic and a heart attack waiting to happen.

It is a bit awkward when eating out, because I can only eat a few bites. But - so far, either I'm doing a great job of covering - or they're not interested! Regardless, I am happy with my accomplishment and thankful for the sleeve!