I Know You Mean Well, But........

[imlosingit 130]

Okay, I was sleeved almost two weeks ago and I've been doing pretty well. I feel good. I have been walking everyday. I also have not had issues getting fluids in, which I consider a tremendous blessing. Here's my issue.

My sister was sleeved 5 mos ago and one of my best friends was banded 5 years ago and they keep telling me what I am going to experience based on things they have gone through. Now, don't get me wrong, I welcome their advice although sometimes, my bf's unsolicited. They both could not keep fluids down, I can. One felt better at 3 week, one felt better at 6 weeks, I feel better in my 2nd week. One had issues swallowing anything and I have been okay thus far. I guess what I am saying is I truly appreciate the stories, warnings and I feel blessed to be able to walk this journey with two people who are close to me, but how do I tell them everyone is different without sounding like I am rejecting thier willingness to share???

[amykins 202]

In my opinion, it's like women after they've had a baby. They love to share their stories about childbirth and the first couple of months afterward. I think it's best to just reply politely with comments like "sorry you had that experience" and change the subject. If you don't feed the fire, it will eventually die out.

[AStephenson 159]

hmmm..that's a hard one. If it were me, I would probably listen to everything (I hate feeling like I hurt someone's feelings, especially someone close to me), keep whatever I felt was useful and whatever I felt wasn't..just disregard. No harm in listening.... If they were actually trying to influence what I did/didn't do with my own journey, I may just choose to spend more time with myself finding my own way....

[flawlessly73 20]

I would say it the same way you did here. Help them by asking them to focus on the positive things....like who is going to have the best arms or whose medical staff was the sexiest! And you are right....they mean well but instead of gloom and doom....focus on the really good stuff.

[ISleevedIt 380]

Hi Imlosingit....just wanted to say you have a very pretty face and smile....it's like your smile lights up your whole face! Focus on that while they're talking about there experiences...they share doom and gloom and you think happy thoughts instead

[imlosingit 130]

Thank you!!!!

You all are right. I just have to shift my focus on the positive! I will tryyyyyyyyyyy lol!

[AaronRene14 18]

I know exactly how you feel. I have an aunt that had the gastric bypass a little over 2 years ago and is trying to do good by giving advice on EVERYTHING. i joke with her about how when she had her bypass it was like the stone age of wls...

The other thing is that she realistically did the bare minimum when it came to meeting with doctors etc. so after her surgery she did go through a stint of depression, and while she isnt depressed any more, she could be doing a lot better.

That's what has my mom trying to make me second guess my choices. My aunt is the only person my mom knows that has gone through wls, so she thinks that depression afterwards is normal, but thats due to the fact that she isn't too involved and cant imagine the number of hours ive spent with doctors/therapist/psychologists.

It's funny because after talking to her about how at peace i am with everything thats heppend in my life and life itself, and how much ive actually change i've yet to fully get her blessing, so i've had that "i know you mean well, but..." moment with her when i asked her not to be there for my operation, she is more then welcome to be there after im out, but i do not want to see her before my operation.

I didn't do it to hurt her or anything, i simply did it because i do not want to be second guessing my self, or be all paranoid on the day of, and shes the kind of person that will trip herself out playing the "what if" game right next to you to try and freak you out.

but yeah thats my "i know you mean well, but..." moment right now... kind of a rant too (which wasn't my intention)...

[Piplula 709]

Well...you could always say "Really? Wow..I must be a fast healer because insert whatever information you need to here". Sounds to me that they love you and want to encourage you. While this may be getting on your nerves if you keep repeating the same thing over and over, they will get bored with telling you stuff because obviously you aren't fitting the mold of what to expect. If not, they may be simply amazed at how well you are doing. Sounds like you have a great support system in place. Keep up the good work!