What's so bad about being fat anyway?

[HunnyBun 2]

Heres how I feel. I was 28 when I was banded. I hated myself, yep, thought I was as fat as they come...ugly as a horses ass. I had no confidence and no self esteem.

I couldnt play with my kids much or do alot with them. When I decided to look at WLS, I decided because I didnt want to be fat and ugly anymore. I didnt want people whispering about me anymore. I didnt want people snickering when I walked past anymore. I wanted to be able to wear nice clothes. I really dont think I can think of a time leading up to my surgery that I thought, I am doing this for my health.

Am I wrong for thinking like that...no...because it is my opinion, and it is how I think. All my problems from being fat were psychological when I was banded so I really had nothing making me think I am going to have a heart attack/diabetes, get cancer etc.

For me it was all about fitting in and being happy and for once in my life I kinda am.

I know exactly what you mean. Thank you for sharing with us :)

[mangojoy 0]

thanks Kellie - I appreciate what you are saying.

I think GeezerSue is trying to point out that the Lapband is not without risk and to go into it for only vein reasons is not a good idea.

But she must realize she too was at one time in our positions of being overweight, unable to lose any on our own, having health concerns due to obesity (present & future); and these are all valid. Wanting to become more acceptable to societies norms, even by a considerably more drastic move like surgery, does not alone make a person need therapy.

I think most people in our society - fat or thin or somewhere in between - could use a counselor - we are all nuts.

Eating ourselves to 300 pounds, is a good indication someone needs a counselor.

Being 120# and thinking you are fat, you need a counselor.

Being 220# with depression, one needs a counselor.

My obesity is not killing me physiologically (yet) but because my obesity is killing me psychologically I am very much considering it.

[InTheCityGirl 0]

Hi guys-

Good thread for some who has not been banded yet (me ). I am at about 32 BMI give or take and have been for 10 years. Prior to this I was always around 25 BMI because I was a competitive athlete through my early 20s. The reasons I want to be banded are below.

1. I met and married a partially handicapped man and although he has little outward signs of his handicap (a small limp) so no one really knows how bad it is, it is pretty difficult to do any physical activities together. Even going to NYC for a date is out of the question because of the invariable amount of walking involved. We've been together for 10 years and I've packed on my extra 70#s in that time. I will be able to get 30-45 minutes of exercise 3X a week in on my own time but never more with my marital situation. The 2 hours away is already painful and I don't want to spend more time then that away from my husband.

2. My mother's and father's sides (a mix of course) have histories of MO. All the co-morbs that come with are happening to my mom right now. I am 34 and see nothing but additional weight gain as my life progresses because of this and #1.

3. I work in a very fashion conscious, appearance obsessed industry but are amazingly good at what I do so have been able to get away with not keeping up with my peers on that front. If I were to fit into traditional women's sizes (I'd be happy with a size 10/12) after a banding, I could spend time on my appearance and I would feel less awkward socially and clear up some of the depression I have experienced about my looks since gaining weight.

To summarize, I want to be banded now to prevent the co-morbs which are on the way and to prevent even more weight gain as my metabolism slows even further into my forties and fifties (health) AND to feel better about myself on the inside (mental health) when my outside matches the vigor of youth I feel on the inside (external societal pressure).

This is the truth. Does it make me a bad person? I don't know.

What I do know is my weight consumes my thoughts all day long. The way those studies say people think about sex 15 times a day or something like that, I think about my fat body, lack of energy and pending health nightmares. If I can do something about that, I am going to.

Thanks for hearing my thoughts.

This board rocks.

[terrriho 0]

I think there is a little generational thing going on here. From reading the posts I see those who are under 35 (give or take a few) feel relatively healthy, just fat. I remember those days:) . I fellt pretty good and I too thought maybe I was destined to be this size so perhaps I should just try to accept it. Well I couldn't so I dieted and lost and gained and lost and gained more... and you get the picture.

I am now over 50 and I feel like cr$p! Fortunately, I am only being treated for high BP (if you don't count menopause ). I don't have a band yet (due for banding Dec 4) but I am hopeful the band will help me interrupt the progression of diseases and conditions I am likely to encounter without this opportunity.

What I see is that those of us over 50 (give or take) are looking at this from a very different perspective than you young people:biggrin1: . I am sure I probably would have thought more about what I would look like thin than about those non-existent comorbidities. Now, I know the toll those problems take (on your body, your time, and how being MO limits so much of what you can do) and suddenly the clothes and the social situations are not as important as being healthy, living your life free of injections, pain and painkillers, limitations on mobility, difficulties in finding clothes that fit, the accelerated decline of vital organs. I want to be around to enjoy my retirement and I want to feel good too. Is that a lot to ask? I hope not because that is why I am planning to be banded. I cannot say now that I would have gotten the band when I was in my twenties because that is hindsight. But I can say that from this perspective I would absolutely advise someone who is MO to seek out a proven method of shedding the weight AND keeping it off because eventually you will come face to face with serious compromises in your health. It is a given.

Good question, good thread.

My best to you,

Terri

[Wheetsin 714]

I guess I walk a weird thin line. I had/have no co-morbidites due to my weight. Not even a blip of high blood pressure or a drop of high cholesterol. No mobility issues, though probably some endurance ones, which is all around "out of shape" not "fat and out of shape" (sad, but true - I can outlast some of my skinny friends). I saw lap-band as a way to help prevent getting them. So I didn't do it to overcome current issues, I did it to help avoid potential ones that may or may not have ever developed, but I didn't want to just hang out with my fingers crossed.

Kind of funny... in the first post...

"then I hear someone call me a fat bitch and I want to cut my fat off with a knife."

So you want to cut your fat off, but you don't want to do anything about the "bitch" part of the insult? :heh:

It's sad that "fat" is what sticks with us, even though it's only ancillary to the *real* insult.

[Wheetsin 714]

America is under-couseled and over-medicated.

Obesity and depression pretty much go hand in hand. chicken & the egg.

My pre-op psychologist was asking me if I've ever experienced a long list of things. When he hit on depression, I answered - not in a clinical diagnosis, but sure. You don't weight 382 lbs and not be depressed. At the very least situationally depressed.

[niche 0]

i definitely agree that there is an age and gender dynamic at work here that has only been touched on by a few people. it seems that older men are least likely to have bariatric surgery for any cosmetic consideration and younger women are most likely to have cosmetic surgery for cosmetic consideration.

i definitely fall into the young women's category and i had not yet had any ill effects from my obesity. i do have all of the typical comorbidities on both sides of my family but at 27, the decision to have surgery was *absolutely* influenced by the goal of improving my mental and emotional health. which is certainly influenced by the way other humans treat me. i know i wouldn't have done this (at least at this point in my life) if rubenesque were still the ideal. so what? i certainly do not consider myself immoral. i weighed the risks of surgery, and the cost/benefit was acceptable to me. i am simply another person taking advantage of better living through technology.

[coltonwade 27]

So you want to cut your fat off, but you don't want to do anything about the "bitch" part of the insult? :heh:

It's sad that "fat" is what sticks with us, even though it's only ancillary to the *real* insult.

I too will admit that part of my reason for being banded was due to the fact that I Dont like how I Look. It has nothing to do with how others view me, call me names, perseive me . Its all ME . Im getting the band because I want to feel better about myself.

What you said about the insults made me think of something. I generally have a problem keeping my mouth shut in certain situaions lol . Normally someone could look at ME and make a comment and I would not say anything. Teenagers now can be CRUEL as hell . My little sister and I were at Target a few weeks ago . My sister is 14 . ( im 31) My sister just got out of Volley ball practice. She had those tight SHORT volley ball shorts they wear. my sister is TALL and skinny , the type that CAN wear those shorts.

WELL, these 2 snotty little twits walk by both were around 20ish in age. As we were walking in I saw then starring her up and down and rolling their eyes. We walked in the store and my sister bent over to tie my 5 yr olds shoes. Then one of the twits said ' OH KAY Can ya get EM any shorter bitch" SHE Thought I DIDNT Hear them , my sister did not . I HOWEVER Was FURIOUS . ( these 2 girls were not exactly thin ) I Turned around and said " They are called VOLLEYBALL SHORTS BITCH if you have something to say to her say otherwise keep your mouth shut " I get so tired of walking around the mall with my sister and see these teens looking each other up and down based on HOW they look . My sister did NOTHING To those girls. My sister about DIED by the way LOL . She was calling all her friends saying "Your never gonna guess what my sister did " . But I think girls in general do things like that BECAUSE NO ONE Ever calls them on it . Maybe next time those girls will THINK before they do that to someone .

Sorry that quote just made me think of that. lol

Mindy

[barbara465 2]

Who are any of us to judge why we have had or are considering WLS? The day of my surgery I saw a woman that was just slightly overweight, in my opinion. Her husband, when talking to mine, said she was about 60 lbs over weight and wanted to do it for herself. Dieting didn't seem to help. I thought she was having her band replaced, as she didn't look like she needed surgery to me. I made the mistake of saying that on this board and got called out for it. And rightfully so. Who am I to critize her motives or what is not acceptable to her?

I have lived most of my life heavy. I got an MBA so I could get and hold a better job. I dressed nice so I could get into management. I took public speaking so I could give speeches on technology. I didn't lose weight because I was too busy showing everyone that you could be successful despite the public image of what was acceptable. People stopped me and asked me where I bought my clothes because I always looked nice. I took this as a compliment, but now looking back, maybe it was unusual for an overweight person to look nice in their opinion. How could that be?

I tried 10 years ago to have gastric bypass. My doctors said no because of other conditions that I had. Two years ago I met a wonderful man and we were married. He loves me for me and accepted my size. He is of normal weight.

So why did I have WLS? The lapband gave me a safer way to lose. I wanted to spend more years with this wonderful man. My health was taking a nose dive. AND I love the way I'm looking these days.

We need to get off our high horse as they say and stop judging others. There is no noble reason for having WLS. If we were in control we wouldn't have needed it. If it is good for your health, both physical and mental, go for it. Life can be improved if we take positive steps to make it that way.

Society will always be there to judge us. No one is perfect and no one escapes critisim. Our only hope is to be comfortable in our own skin and accept the good with the bad. If WLS improves your life then go for it. It is not up to us to judge your motives. Or you mine.

[sweetviolet 0]

my first goal was to get my diabetes under control....and to rid myself of the horrible health problems that have plagued me for 4 years...that included lymphodemia,leg wrappings all 90 degree summer,2 broken ankles, a pacemaker when i couldn't get off the chair for therapy,a thyroid that was not working, and the worst experience of travel i have ever had to a function that i never would have missed under any circumstance, my daughter's MA degree graduation from Harvard.....I got the band 6/13/06 and I will never have to face these problems again--I am now 49 lbs lighter...I know that a pair of pants will not be to tight the next weeks wearing, and that is better than any food tasted ever!! I am ever grateful for my band and the support I receive from you all.....a world I would have never known!!

[coltonwade 27]

i definitely agree that there is an age and gender dynamic at work here that has only been touched on by a few people. it seems that older men are least likely to have bariatric surgery for any cosmetic consideration and younger women are most likely to have cosmetic surgery for cosmetic consideration.

i definitely fall into the young women's category and i had not yet had any ill effects from my obesity. i do have all of the typical comorbidities on both sides of my family but at 27, the decision to have surgery was *absolutely* influenced by the goal of improving my mental and emotional health. which is certainly influenced by the way other humans treat me. i know i wouldn't have done this (at least at this point in my life) if rubenesque were still the ideal. so what? i certainly do not consider myself immoral. i weighed the risks of surgery, and the cost/benefit was acceptable to me. i am simply another person taking advantage of better living through technology.

Ok here's something . How many of you are already planning have Plastic surgery AFTER The lap band ? I already know i need a Tummy Tuck and a breast lift after 2 kids by age 31 ( First one at 16) . SO Im already going to start saving after my surgery for my PS ? Anyone else have that mind set ? LOL

Mindy

[coltonwade 27]

Who are any of us to judge why we have had or are considering WLS? The day of my surgery I saw a woman that was just slightly overweight, in my opinion. Her husband, when talking to mine, said she was about 60 lbs over weight and wanted to do it for herself. Dieting didn't seem to help. I thought she was having her band replaced, as she didn't look like she needed surgery to me. I made the mistake of saying that on this board and got called out for it. And rightfully so. Who am I to critize her motives or what is not acceptable to her?

I have lived most of my life heavy. I got an MBA so I could get and hold a better job. I dressed nice so I could get into management. I took public speaking so I could give speeches on technology. I didn't lose weight because I was too busy showing everyone that you could be successful despite the public image of what was acceptable. People stopped me and asked me where I bought my clothes because I always looked nice. I took this as a compliment, but now looking back, maybe it was unusual for an overweight person to look nice in their opinion. How could that be?

I tried 10 years ago to have gastric bypass. My doctors said no because of other conditions that I had. Two years ago I met a wonderful man and we were married. He loves me for me and accepted my size. He is of normal weight.

So why did I have WLS? The lapband gave me a safer way to lose. I wanted to spend more years with this wonderful man. My health was taking a nose dive. AND I love the way I'm looking these days.

We need to get off our high horse as they say and stop judging others. There is no noble reason for having WLS. If we were in control we wouldn't have needed it. If it is good for your health, both physical and mental, go for it. Life can be improved if we take positive steps to make it that way.

Society will always be there to judge us. No one is perfect and no one escapes critisim. Our only hope is to be comfortable in our own skin and accept the good with the bad. If WLS improves your life then go for it. It is not up to us to judge your motives. Or you mine.

Very well said. I know in my situation I get enough people judging me in my own family for this descsion , I need all the support i can get.

Mindy:clap2:

[Jachut 487]

I think there is a little generational thing going on here. From reading the posts I see those who are under 35 (give or take a few) feel relatively healthy, just fat. I remember those days:) . I fellt pretty good and I too thought maybe I was destined to be this size so perhaps I should just try to accept it. Well I couldn't so I dieted and lost and gained and lost and gained more... and you get the picture.

I am now over 50 and I feel like cr$p!

Terri

Such a good point. I was 38 when I was banded last year and for the first time in my life, I did begin to realise that I could be feeling a lot better. I think your late 30's are a time in your life where the way you've lived till then just ever so slowly begins to catch up with you. I feel I had a very tiny inkling of what was in store for me if I didnt act now.

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

Such a good point. I was 38 when I was banded last year and for the first time in my life, I did begin to realise that I could be feeling a lot better. I think your late 30's are a time in your life where the way you've lived till then just ever so slowly begins to catch up with you. I feel I had a very tiny inkling of what was in store for me if I didnt act now.

If you remember, in "The Christmas Carol" the ghost of Bob Marly tells Scrooge that his chain is the accumulation of his life's bad deeds. We all carry around an analogous chain emblematic of our age.

Well, as a man of 61, let me tell you that our weight also adds to our chain as does our age to serve as an anchor. The added weight to the chain each 5 years feels, like double of that which was added in the previous 5 years.

Removing 10 or 20 pounds during a 5 year period actually makes it feel as if the last 5 years only added as much to your chain as the previous 5 years. No! You can never lose enough weight to reverse the effects of aging long term, but you can lose enough to feel younger as if your chain was reduced during the last 5 years compared to the previous.

Please do not ask me to repeat what I just wrote, because it no longer makes any sense to me, either.:faint:

[niche 0]

on plastic surgery - i vote YES. lift up these hound ears (a.k.a. my breasts) at first financial opportunity.