Inquiring Minds Want To Know...

[Carlene 12]

With great regularity the question pops up on every Lap Band forum: to tell, or not to tell. Many people are afraid that if they share with friends, family and co-workers, they will be barraged later with uncomfortable questions, speculation, etc. You might be, but there are ways to handle "nosy people".

It occurred to me last night that WLS isn't the only personal question people seem to have a vested interest in. My stepson and daughter-in-law have triplets. They are 5 years old now, but especially when they were babies, they attracted a lot of attention - and a lot of questions. The first thing anyone seemed to want to know was, "Are they natural, or did you do fertility treatments"? My DIL was always somewhat offended by that.

First of all, there was the insinuation that her children might not be "natural". If they WERE the result of medical technology/intervention, did that make them unnatural? Secondly, she was appalled that anyone would ask a complete stranger such a personal question. It was, she said, like going up to an obviously pregnant woman that you had never seen before and demanding to know, "Was this an accident, or did you plan to become pregnant?" (Good point...score one for the DIL.)

The triplets now have a little sister. No one, my DIL points out, has ever asked her if Emma was the result of fertility treatments. Because there is only one of her, people assume that she was conceived in the conventional way, although there are plenty of IVF pregnancies that result in only one baby.

I have 4 children. One of them is adopted. Because the youngest one is my only daughter, people often "guessed" that Christa was the adopted child. I suppose the reasoning was that I had 3 boys, then adopted a little girl. People who knew I had one adopted child would ask me if I could not have more (after the first three), or if I was just afraid it would be another boy.

My point (yes, I do have a point here) is that those who have had WLS are not alone in feeling that people in general need a lesson in common courtesy. I think the very best come back, when someone asks you a question that you don't want to answer, is "Why do you want to know?".

You can also rely on a failing memory and say something very vague like, "I don't really know", or "I have no idea".

I used this once when someone asked me (in front of my children), "Isn't one of your kids adopted?".

I didn't want to say "That's really none of your business", so I replied, "Yes, but I forget which one."

My advice, for what it's worth, is if you do take people into your confidence (and you often find support in some of the most unexpected places, believe me), don't let them make you regret it later. Control the information you want "out there" and hide the rest - especially the details. Don't tell people what you can and can't eat. Just say, "I'm not on a diet, although some days my band likes to show me who's boss".

Don't tell people how much weight you've lost, or expect to lose. Just say, "It's not supposed to come off quickly. The Lap Band promotes a gradual, healthy weight loss". If they demand to know a number, tell them you only weigh once a month, at the doctor's office. And be very vague..."I don't know, but my clothes are fitting better".

I have lost 97 pounds. People who haven't seen me in a long time notice this, of course. Their first question is ALWAYS "what did you do to lose all the weight"? I tell them I had Lap Band surgery and I have not had one single negative comment. When people are presented with it after the fact, what CAN they say..."It was a bad idea"? Obviously, it wasn't.