Am I Crazy........Or What?

Candice · October 6, 2006

I am alomost to my one year anniversary and have had great results. I am about 30-35 pounds from goal but would be perfectly happy if I didn't lose another pound because I feel great. However, the therapist that did my insurance required psychiatric evaluation leading up to my surgery told me that day "I'll see you after the weight loss". Wasn't sure what she meant by that, but now I know.

I can't get the 294 pound woman I was out of my head. I don't recognise myself when I look in the mirror. When I get those size 14 jeans out of the closet, my mind says "those will neeeever go over your fat butt"!!! My rational mind knows that I just had them on three days ago but my critical mind doesn't get that.

When I look in the mirror, I can see the results, but weirdly enough when I look at pictures of me I can barely tell the difference from the size 28 I was and the size 14 I am now.

These are some of the tricks my mind is playing on me. My DH is affraid that my mind is not catching up with my body and I won't stop the weight loss until I look sick. I know that at 5'5" with two kids, I probably shouldn't weigh less than 135 or I will be too thin. Will I know when enough is enough? How long will it take for my critical mind to accept the new me like my rational mind does:help:

Alexandra · October 6, 2006

Candice, you are NOT crazy. I can attest that even a year after my major weight loss I still can't recognize my clothes as MINE. Honestly, when folding the laundry recently I thought a pair of my underwear was my daughter's!

Just give it time. Allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised by the reflection in the mirror and the clothes you're trying on. Those surprises keep coming, even after a lot of time has passed. Just today, for the first time, I'm wearing a new sweater that I bought months ago on a lark. It was very inexpensive and not a style I would ever have normally considered, but I figured I'd pick it up and stick it in the closet anyway. (It's one of those openwork crochet things that has to be worn over a tank, so a lot more of my skin is visible than I'm used to.) So today I put it on and had to have my husband tell me repeatedly that it looked good on me. And I have to admit, it does!

Don't worry, you're not alone. And you're not crazy! You certainly don't need therapy. :biggrin1:

barbara465 · October 6, 2006

First, let me congradulate you on your successful weight loss. You have done a remarkable job. Sometimes we continue to hide in the shell that was once so protective. If we see ourselves as we were, we can continue to be insulated from what we feared. It will take time, but step out of that old body and embrace the new one. See yourself as others see you. Play act if you must until you see the reality of the new you. You may need a few sessions with that doctor. That's OK. Its expected and not unusual.

Look at the new you. You are the same wonderful person inside and now the outside reflects your inner beauty. Enjoy!

carolel · October 6, 2006

HI Candace, I have the same fear. It's funny we weighed the same (294)when we began this journey. Mine just strated though on Oct. 3rd. I remember long ago ( like 25 years ago, I'm 49) when I had lost 80 pounds on my own and me and my hubby were sitting in our truck at a fair. We were talking about my journies thru weight loss and he had promised me that he'd never let me reach 200 lbs. again. HA! Anyways...we were there watching people walk in and I kept asking him..."am I as big as that girl?, does my butt look like that?, am I really as small as she is?, etc.,etc,". I weighed 117 and thought I still looked to be over 200. I couldn't get my mind around how small I was. And you know what? I didn't have any pics made at that weight. It was like I knew that this was a temporary thing and I was protecting myself from the knowledge of success and failure once again. Our minds are incredulous aren't they?

Good luck though and like others have said, it won't hurt to see our psychiatrist once in a while. I plan to do just that.

Good luck!

Lynn

green · October 6, 2006

Most women, even thin women, have an uneasy relationship with their bodies so you are not alone in your situation. It might be noted that for many of us our fat is not only a curse and a source of humiliation, it is also protective coverage and so our feelings towards it are ambivalent on a deep level. We want it gone but then we are forced out of hiding. One thing is for certain - your mind has not caught up with your weight loss and it appears that you may not be enjoying the fun of being a size 14! You mention that your husband is afraid that you will continue to lose weight until the point of looking anorexic. If you feel that this might be true then it is time for a little psychotherapy. (I say this with all respect; I have sought out therapy whenever my own problems have become out of my control.) You must be aware that the too thin suffer health problems, too, and that these can be as ugly as those suffered by the obese. It is time for you to start feeling good about yourself, girl.