Guilt Over Surgery

[lovex5 25]

I was wondering if anyone has experienced feelings of guilt before/after surgery? I had my appt with the surgeon and nutrition today and submitted all my paperwork to admissions. Everything is real to me now that I am really having surgery. I was out shopping for my liquid diet items. I noticed so many obese people, like I am right now, and had feelings of sadness and some guilt. When I've lost weight in the past it also made me sad to see overweight people because we've all experienced the pain that comes with obesity and we know how it feels. I feel so blessed for being given the opportunity to have this surgery. Even though it's not for everyone I wish everyone else could have this chance too. Is this guilt a normal part of the process?

[chris54 106]

love: I have those same feelings, so since you cannot say to anyone what I have decided to do is to be a speaker at my support groups there I can make a difference and help that way. Hang in there

[kimmy*custis 276]

I feel the same way. I want to help everyone! Like Chris said, maybe you could speak at a support group, that would hopefully motivate some to make the choice to change their lives.

[Chezaraeh 8]

I feel sad for people, but not guilty. Everyone makes their own choices in life and you can't save the world. We can however feel empathetic for others like us and attempt to help them, but in the end, they will have to want to help themselves as much as we did and we can't let that sadness hold us back.

Although sadness totally went out the window this afternoon and was replaced with anger. Extreme raging anger when I was at my doctors office getting a check up and this obese woman came in and plopped down beside me and her obese daughter, a 4 year old that looked to be about 150lbs sat beside her. The woman pulled a Dairy Queen sack out of her purse and gave it to the little girl who reached in and started pulling out french fries and cramming them into her face! I was absolutely LIVID! I had ask the nurse at the desk for a cup of ice Water and to sit in the back waiting room.

[moregoodtimes 331]

This really hit home with me but more so for those on this site who can't get insurance approval and can't manage a cash payment.

Once I made the decision, every time something happens that pushes the surgery date out further is such a blow. I just feel awful for those who have made the decision, but can't make it work. I "think" I'm headed for a January surgery date so I've been able to focus on changing my eating habits, stocking up on supplies for pre and post op and getting all my tests done. I don't know what I'd do if I heard there was going to be a major delay at this point. I just can't imagine how those that have either been waiting for months and years and still don't see approval in sight, manage to deal with it emotionally. It's all I can think about nearly every waking moment.

[PdxMan 4,292]

This is a hot topic here on VST and has been discussed many times. If I am not mistaken, the last thread ended up being deleted because it turned into a yelling match between those who interpret this as judging obese people, which I understand it isn't. Those who where upset were being judged as not being sympathetic to the plight that got them there, which it wasn't. An emotionally charged issue, for sure, so I ask the readers to please take caution and read the posts from an objective, non-judgemental perspective.

I, too, am guilty of sitting at a restaurant and staring at morbidly obese people shoveling food into their mouths. I know they don't want my sympathy, but it is just hard to sit there and recall the days when I sat there doing the same thing.

[Chezaraeh 8]

PdxMan, lol that is funny what you said about watching people. I constantly think people are watching me when I am at a buffet with my husband. I think they are more shocked that my husband goes back 4-5 times and I can't even finish what is all on my 1st plate...and this was BEFORE my surgery! My husband is a toothpick with a high metabolism...so jealous since I love chinese food.< /p>

[lovex5 25]

Oh no, I really didn't mean any harm. I genuinely feel sad for them. I don't want this to turn ugly I just wondered if this is normal and/or something others perhaps went through. I know someone in an online group I belong to mentioned wanting to tell an obese woman about surgery and people jumped all over her. I don't think I would ever approach a stranger about surgery--ever. But that topic did go sour very quickly. I apologize if I offended anyone but what I feel is sadness for sure. Like guilt over the fact I can get surgery and other people can't. I appreciate everyone commenting =)

[iggychic 1,405]

Oh no' date=' I really didn't mean any harm. I genuinely feel sad for them. I don't want this to turn ugly I just wondered if this is normal and/or something others perhaps went through. I know someone in an online group I belong to mentioned wanting to tell an obese woman about surgery and people jumped all over her. I don't think I would ever approach a stranger about surgery--ever. But that topic did go sour very quickly. I apologize if I offended anyone but what I feel is sadness for sure. Like guilt over the fact I can get surgery and other people can't. I appreciate everyone commenting =)[/quote']

I have been very blessed over the last ten years or so, frankly I've been blessed for many years. I owned a home when others didn't. I had a new car instead of a clunker that was unreliable. I don't come from great wealth, so much of the blessings I've had have been because I have focused on what it took to get those blessings.

Then when our baby was born I learned that all the money in the world wouldn't cure him...heck couldn't even diagnose him. I saw all the other parents struggling at the hospitals, not able to stay with their babies at night because they had less resources than we did. Did I feel guilt? No, but I did feel a responsibility to share our good fortune with those who had less because I saw what they were going through. Sometimes that means just handling a couple of kids during a dinner break for a family that hasn't seen each other for days. Or speaking at a meeting as noted above. If you are financially able it could mean donating to a weight loss surgery charity that would help out people who need the surgery but can't afford it. Our dream is to start a foundation to cover the costs of a caregiver so that a baby is never left alone at night. But I don't do it out of guilt...I do it because I feel empathy for people who are in a situation that I've been in and just aren't as fortunate as I might be.

With WLS it might not even be an issue of money or time or whatever. There are folks who are happy as they are. Just because we perhaps weren't, does not mean they aren't ok with themselves. Or they aren't ready to take the risks or whatever. I don't feel guilt that I had the surgery and the gal in line at safeway ahead of me didn't. Maybe she didn't want to go through what I did (complications, life threatening). Maybe she's smarter than me who knows.

That experience with a sick child taught me a lot. Guilt and judgement in particular are things I really work to refrain from. Today my son and I split lunch. We had fish and chips. I ate the inside of the fish part and he ate the chips. I heard the people next to me saying how horrible it was he had soda and fries while I ate something healthy (fried fish LOL). They don't know he has a feeding disorder, is in the 0 percentile for his age, and struggles with both chronic diarrhea and dehydration. Potatoes, even fried, help him out a lot and those soda's have kept him out of hospital since he was ten months old for dehydration (yes that's when I started giving him diet soda at the suggestion of one of the best children's doctors in the US). That was a treat meal and he'll eat a more balanced diet during the day but still...judgement.

So guilt or judgement...I know you didn't mean to judge, but the two go a bit hand in hand quite often. Why feel guilt when you don't know if that person you are feeling badly for might be one of the happiest on earth?

If you feel the guilt, use your resources to help others who seek the help out But don't assume everyone wants or even feels they need what you need to make your life more comfortable. Does that make sense?????

[fyre_storm 1,412]

Not everyone is willing to lose weight. I sat next to a gentleman who was so worried that he couldn't drink beer with his homies , yes that's what he said, that he didn't want the surgery and this guy was really big. It takes a certain mentality to take that step in the right direction.

[steelergirl 135]

I bet it was deeper than just drive king beer with homies..certain fears and comfort zones..I think you have to be able to embrace change and be aware of your motivations and downfalls and crutches..I'm ready..I'm so over this..ive always felt beasutiful..but In ready to healthy and stop lying to myself. ..its not okay anymore. That Guy has to get to that point