Getting Hit On After Surgery

[Lil Miss Ree 12]

How do you feel about getting hit on after surgery? I'm not talking about people we're meeting for the first time. But people we've known and have had friendships or some kind of relationship with whether it be work or personal or whatever.

The people that we are meeting for the first time didnt know us before so what's not to say that they wouldn't have been hitting on us before. But someone we've known, all of a sudden you wanna take me out? 90 pounds ago I wasn't good enough to take out?

I'm not sure how I feel about this. My personality is the same at a size 16 as it was when I was a size 24.

Has anyone else encountered this? How do you feel about it and handle it?

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[COsleeveDude 273]

Did you have the surgery only for health reasons, or because you thought you would also look better? Personally, I did it for both reasons. I know most women are not attracted to obese men, and it definitely narrows down the options in the dating pool.

I'm not attracted to morbidly obese women, even when I am morbidly obese myself. A double standard, but we all have them.

I could never date a woman I wasn't physically attracted to, no matter how good her personality is. To me, that's the difference between friendship and romance. That having been said, I would rather date a woman with a great personality and average looks than a very attractive woman with an average personality.

I wouldn't be offended, but you have the right to hold their prior behavior against them. Why not ask them the same question you're asking here?

Good topic, thanks for sharing.

[desertmom 297]

It happens.Its called the human condition.

You dont have to go out with them.There's a lot of real nice guys out there!

[Lil Miss Ree 12]

I did it for both reasons as well.

I completely agree that you need to be attracted to a person. They don't have to be the hottest thing since sliced bread but whatever attracts you to them has to be there.

I've asked and you kinda end up getting this deer in headlights look and a bunch of stammering. They don't seem to have an answer.

I don't hold it against anyone and I wouldn't end a friendship over it but I don't think I want to date you.

Thanks for the input.

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[enigmachik 403]

The reason it makes me nervous is because let's say now that I've lost weight, you are willing to date me. What happens if we date, fall in love, get married. And then I gain the weight back? Will you go running because you're no longer attracted to me just like you weren't before I lost the weight in the first place? I know that is a risk with anyone, but I find it especially concerning for someone who knew me when I was heavy and would only date me when I was thin.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

COsleeveDude..I liked your honesty.......

If your shell is the only reason a person looks at you.....it is not because they are serious about your personality or wonderful points that you had all along.....it was never that he was too good for you to begin with it was that you are to good for him.....you see what is going on in that little head of his.....not much I fear!

You have spent so much time improving yourself and growing into the person you want to become...he has not changed or grown at all........what a smuck!

[rdoactv 218]

I'm going to play devils advocate here for a moment. Yes, my basic personality will be the same post wls, but I will be a different person. I want to do things I cant do now. I will have new hobbies, new interests, different priorities Someone who enjoys activity, may not find me attractive as an overweight person even if they like my personality. We would have little in common. But I become more attractive to that person when I am finally able to partake in what has now become common interests ie..hiking, working out, biking, going to the beach ect. Just another way to look at it. A person is not completely the same when you factor in physical ability and confidence.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

point well taken......

[Fiddleman 4,376]

I believe that some people do change their personality when going from being morbidly obese to a socially acceptable weight. It is because this person no longer is a doormat and will no longer let people walk over them. They gain more confidence and, in some cases, become just a little more judgemental or critical of people. I think this is just the human condition. I hope to not become like that, but I have seen it happen.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

It's hard to lose 100 pounds and not feel a whole lot better about yourself, and that will show through in your personality....which will make you more attractive.

[JaspersGirl 147]

That happens to me alot! But I agree with peeps above. I mean I have dated big dudes in the past, but not like obese guys. I did date this guy who had gastric bypass, and he was had so much loose skin, I hate to say it was a turn off when we tried to get intimate (his mushyness was weird to touch), I was younger and thin back then. Poor guy, now look who is in the same boat as he was! hahaha, me!

[cmw10000 35]

Well its a complement.... I have people talking to me more since I lost wieght but I also think its because we have more confidence in our selves. and we probly smile more I know I do. Just enjoy life it will be fine.

[JaspersGirl 147]

Well its a complement.... I have people talking to me more since I lost wieght but I also think its because we have more confidence in our selves. and we probly smile more I know I do. Just enjoy life it will be fine.

Good point

[Lissa 2,631]

I'm having a tough time adjusting to being visible again. I felt invisible before surgery and now that I'm not, I am sometimes astounded by who talks to me. I went out with friends last weekend and felt like the belle of the ball, but I was in a secure environment where it didn't freak me out. One of my guy friends ran interference for me, which was really great.

I'm trying to enjoy the attention without letting it send me into orbit. I'm learning the power of just saying "Thank you" to a compliment. And "No, thank you" to a come on.

[Delena2/11 59]

Hmm. What an interesting topic! I think that you should ask him when you go out (if you do). "So, what made you ask me out after you have known me all this time..." Maybe leave the weight out of it and see what he says.

I think that there have been great points above about this topic. I also have not dated men that are morbidly obese. I know it is a double standard and I don't know maybe if I really liked the person I would have gone out with him. Married now and my hubby has a bit of a belly but great arms and butt;). TMI I know. Gotta have some muscle though, you know?

I don't think you should hold this against him. Go out and see what happens if you have a mind to. Like it was brought up before, maybe you are smiling more. Maybe you are putting yourself out there now in a way you were not before. Best of luck and go rock that sleeve;). Dee