Failure Isn't

[delta_girl 931]

Week three is a bit early for a slippery slope, but that is where I have found myself. Yesterday (after several similar feeling days) I had decided that I was a failure and my old habits were back and I was helpless. All of the research, the questions, the medical tests, the planning, the operation, the recovery, the shopping for good things, all of it was not going to work for me because I was going to be one of those who didn't make it. It started with wanting something salty, so I licked some cheetoes which are in the house because my skinny boyfriend eats them. Then it was a few crackers way too early, then it was a few nibbles of something else. Very quickly I found myself feeling like I was starving all day long and nothing could satisfy me. Though I was still staying around 600-700 calories a day, it was getting harder and harder. My Protein was 40-55g a day. I have checked my keytones daily and I was and am in heavy ketosis. Still, I felt like a complete failure. Being a slow looser didn't help that feeling at all.

This morning I decided to yank a knot in my chain. Thank goodness I have been tracking every tiny thing that goes into my mouth, illegal or not. Yesterday and the day before my carbs were insane and I hadn't even payed attention. No wonder. It hasn't just been head hunger, there has been an actual reason for the ravenous cravings and sense of failure. 132 carbs one day and 56 the next. Good grief that is nuts. (Carb police, thanks but I don't need to know either your nor your Nuts carb recommendation. I am already aware. This isn't for you.)

I do need nor am I asking for any sage advice from anyone. What I do want to share is that if you find yourself in a similar situation where you feel like you are starving to death or you feel like a failure, it is ok. What isn't ok is to do nothing about it and let it get the best of you. If you aren't tracking what you eat and drink, use one of the many web or app resources available, or write down what you eat each day. Talk to someone about it. Put some tape over the inner voice that is not lifting you up, and take charge. I may be super early in the game to be using my sleeve as a tool while I should be working through early stages, but we aren't all the same. Today I have a grip on myself and have stopped the internal dialogue of defeat. You can too, no matter where you are in your process. I am excited about my day, about my walk this afternoon, about cleaning out my car so that I am better organized, doing my graduate school homework, even doing laundry, because I feel better than I have in months and I have a renewed opportunity for a healthy, productive life.

Failure isn't failure until you stop trying.

[sunshine821 14]

Thank you for ur post. I have been feeling like I am falling back into the same habits again too I am also 3 weeks out and am supposed to be on full liquids but have somehow convinced myself that a few CheezIts were ok I let my inner voice justify that it is ok since I cannot eat much of them. Then I feel like a failure I think weekends are the worst for me so I need to keep myself busy and not have much time to think about the foods I cannot have! I hope things get easier for you!! I know ur not the only one going through the feelings!!

[Patienlywtng on my Curves 73]

How do you check Keytones?

[delta_girl 931]

How do you check Keytones?

I picked up keytone strips from Walgreen's. Here they are behind the pharmacy counter so you have to request them. They are only good for about 3 months after you open them and they do expire. I think I paid $14 for the container of 50 test strips. You check your keytones by placing the active end of the strip in your urine and comparing the results to the scale on the container.

[Patienlywtng on my Curves 73]

Oh wow! Thank you for the information. I did not know that something like this existed.

[sunshine821 14]

Is this we should be checking? My Dr never said anything

[delta_girl 931]

Is this we should be checking? My Dr never said anything

Not really. I just do it because I want to.

[Brandywine 74]

Good for you!!!!! It's ok to fall . Sometimes even a good thing , then god builds our character

[Quianna Armstead 19]

Im having a hard time also i find myself cheating,i just got into the mushy stage and im just.binge eating,i.know.im gonna stop ,but i find myself eating alot of sugar free candies(hard and chewy) ,chewing on sugar free gum and spitting it out after flavor is gone,i think im getting into the depresses mode as far as I know im not satisfied right.now,im.a failure,and of course.no support from my so called fiance...im only 1 week post op,,,i need help please.pray.for me,no.negative replies either its.just.gonna.make it worse...

[delta_girl 931]

Check your number of carbs per day, Quianna. Also look to see if you are getting any fat at all.

Yesterday I pulled myself together and was successful. I kept my carbs under 30 and added in some healthy fat, which seemed to help a lot. I also did a 2.5 mile hike to get out of the house. Be good to yourself and don't listen to that negative voice that wants you to accept failure. You CAN do it. From what I understand after reading a lot of posts, few people are perfect with their nutrition.

sugar free gum has carbs, btw. Too many carbs make you want more carbs.

[Quianna Armstead 19]

Thanks delta girl