Friends- Can We Really Keep Them?

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

Let me preface this by saying that I have 1 true friend that has been there for me right or wrong & through thick an thin. The people I am talking about here are our more casual "friends".

I am finding that since my lifestyle has changed so dramatically that the people I use to hang out with aren't so appealing anymore. I am not interested in being one of the first people to review the new resturant. And when I talk about wanting to go rock climbing they look at me like I have 2 heads.

Finding new friends that have similar interests is my newest venture. I'm not trying to get rid of my old friends, but, let's be honest. I really don't have much in common with them any more.

I want so much more out of life now. I simply cand afford to to spend a lot of time with people whose high point for the week is a pizza and a 12pack. I'm not canceling them as friends, but I really do want/need more.

Has anybody else found this to be true?

[Donny 270]

100% agree! At 26 years old my lifestyle up until the last 3 months has been going out for almost all meals, spending $200 a week on bar tabs, and then going for fast food at 3 AM. Well, my buddies still want to do that and I don't. The last two weekends I have spent lounging by my pool without buddies. It sucks, I need to find new people to hangout with that enjoy more active things. But I also don't want to lose them as friends, but it is hard when a few of them are 24 and still in go hard party mode.

[Lissa 2,631]

I'm finding that I feel more like 26 than 46 these days and many of my "old" friends (both in age and duration of friendship) look at me like I have two heads when I suggest getting out and doing things. My energy level is extremely high these days. I feel like I'm "un-aging". I guess being fat conserved all of the energy I should have expended in my 20's and 30's. LOL

[Scaredy Cat 92]

My best friend of 20 Years has remained my friend through most of my weight gain. She is a nurse and although she doesn't lecture me, we have talked about my health as it relates to my weight. When I told her of my decision she was very supportive. She is thinner than me and said that she can't wait until I'm able to do more stuff with her like we used to. When she said this, wow it hit me how much "life" I've been missing. I know she'll be my friend after the surgery and will probably be my biggest supporter as I go through this life-changing transition. I can't say that about anyone else in my life - I'm so blessed to have her!!!

[Mensch 150]

I think it's a part of this process, and the evolution of us as people. I am attempting to hang on the things in my friends that attract me to them at their core, but I am very upfront about my lifestyle changes. I guess I remember that I changed, they didn't. Although I accept everyone where they are, and hope for the same.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

I have already had one of my closest friends tell me that she is worried that I will leave her behind and see her as boring....I told her that she is family and that my only change will be a better me and a healthier me. If that leaves her behind it will be her doing not mine....everyone is so used to me being fluffy as I have been that way for most of my life......I am looking forward to seeing just how different I will be in my activity level, healthier, happier and the real me exposed to the world for the first time in my life......I know that some will find the transition difficult as I will but for different reasons......

But if we don't move forward and grow and change in life we are stuck........They will have to change with me or be left behind.....as I was left behind when they were doing all the cool stuff......

I plan on exploring my new world with vigor and vim.......no matter how other people feel.....This is so important to me......

This tool that I am getting is a miracle......

[desertmom 297]

However,we should never forget where we came from and that we use to be those people.

I am having the same issues with some friends,especially the ones thats very overweight.But now I choose to still love them the way they have loved me and my fat behind for so long.My very close,very large friend even walked quite a distance with me recently,after she wanted to drive and then changed her mind without any encouragement at all.Victory!

Thank goodness my family's very active and sporty and we run together,play squash together,have long walking holidays together and do the beach thing together all the time.

I've seen how one of my very good friends have changed now that she hangs with the pretty people.The same ones that wouldnt have given her the time of day before.I suppose she must have been as superficial before,I just didnt notice.

But then,I have always cared for people for who they are,not for what they can do for me.

We need new friends as well,all the time anyway as life is dinamic,not static!

I am not flaming what you say you need.We are all different.I am just different in this,I suppose I've been overweight for too long and have experienced feeling left behind or out because of that too often.

Enjoy being skinny!

[Wolfgirl1978 256]

I'm not spending any time with any of my friends at all lately. It's actually not a conscious choice. My main reason for being healthy is to enjoy life with my 5 year old son, and that's what I've been doing.

[GeauxForIt 659]

My closest girlfriends and I have been friends since high school...25+ years!!! So they aren't going anywhere. Anyway, they're all much thinner than I am and I know at times they've had to "adjust" our activities to slow it down for this fat girl. They're my biggest cheerleaders and they kick me in the butt and love me unconditionally!

I can't wait to NOT be the drag on our biannual Girls' Weekends!!!

Having said that, when I was younger, I absolutely had some "friends" who would've gone by the wayside once I wasn't "the fat friend" anymore. Luckily, I cut them loose years ago!

[4ALongerLife 329]

I am finding it hard to interact with people. All ANYONE wants to do where I live is go out to eat and drink. C'mon people, there are SO many other things to do. Yeah I know, we all have to eat, but I can make healthier choices at home where I know what's all in the food - as well as spend more time with my family (and my son is why I did this surgery, so I will live longer). So I choose to look at my perspective as the friendship circle slowly widens.. c'est la vie. True friends will remain, just might see them less if they still choose to have their lives & activities revolve around food/drink ... maybe not if they try indoor rock climbing, let's go bowling, laser tag, ice skating, cosmic jump, etc etc etc.

[legal loser 77]

You can still hang out with your friends abut not partake in their activities. I am the best DD available! I enjoy hanging with friends....the atmosphere isn't always perfect for my new life, but I don't want to turn into a loner so I find ways to make it work.

If your friends chose to abandon you as you become healthy, there's not a lot you can do about it.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

This is so ringing my bell right now.... I have noticed in myself that I prefer to eat in healthy restaurants so that I can order what I want and know that it's healthy. I have a friend that I don't visit with as much anymore, but will meet for lunch or Breakfast. She always told me that I wasn't big enough to get this dangerous surgery. She was and still continues to tell me how she is never hungry and will never deprive herself of anything. I always tell her that I'm chosing to eat healthier and will continue to put healthy foods in my mouth. I find it interesting that she can even present this argument without looking at how she's eating. This is a struggle for me to decide to completely let go of the friend or just accept her for who she is and just try to enjoy the few moments that we have together. This is becoming a constant struggle with me. So I am seeing her less often than before. Works for me.

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

I can understand this, but I actually had a different situation!

The real me loved outdoorsy stuff, went camping, liked being active and was especially into horse riding. So, I have been overweight forever, but it wasn't until I got really heavy that I slowed down/stopped doing all this. Now that I am more fit, it is more like I am becoming the real me and can finally really enjoy all the things my friends do! I did alot of camping this year, and get out and about whenever I can.

[Finding MeMe 204]

I for one don't have many friends now. Never really had lots of friends because I was too busy working and traveling around the world (military). Now that I have set up roots, I made a few but just hang out at the gym mostly. This is where I find like minded people like me, not focused on food and drinking to socialize but getting healthy or maintaing their health. We have a cycling group whichis open to everyone with a bike and I look forward to my fitness classes because my "friends" are all there.

[juanita19 36]

I'm finding everyone hard to deal with. I'm only 4 weeks out and I'm already making considerations about these weak friendships.

You learn a lot about folks after you lay on that surgery bed!

Although having one friend that's always in my corner is a blessing, I would have thought that childhood friends would have been a bit more supportive, but I guess not everyone can handle my achievements.

Let the haters hate! Lol