Hubby Is Mad

[mknmore 7]

So I'm scheduled for Oct 31 for my band to sleeve conversion.

Timing and pricing is so perfect for everything' date=' but my hubby is not on board with the surgery at all.

I was trying to be understanding to his concerns, and prove to him that risks of the surgery are worth the potential weight loss for me.

I know he loves me, and has a hard time communicating his feelings at times, so I'm seeing his actions as just being a man. I think he's worried, he'll be a widow.

I need his support. I don't want to do this without his support. Even if he doesn't agree, I still feel like he should still be there to support me.

In an effort to passively bring up the fact that I'm getting the surgery, I told him that being a parent, is about loving your child, warning them about risks, hoping for the best, saying I told you so when you're right, but most importantly, always being there when they fall.

He was so mad he didn't even want to talk about it tonight. Time is ticking.

I just hope he comes around and doesn't make this about him and allows me to do this for me because I need and want to be healthy.[/quote']

I understand what you are going through...my husband acted the same way. He actually told me no!

I reminded him that as much as I love him, I do not take orders from him. It is my body and not his. I was the miserable one not him. My husband is a soccer player so he is in good shape so I want to be too.

We actually came to a compromise. I did 2 years of exercise and diet (had to do for insurance purposes anyway) and if I didn't lose the weight and keep it off he would accept the fact that I was having the surgery. You already tried something else and it didn't work so he needs to accept and support you in your weight loss journey and the surgery.

I don't know if this will help with your husband but it helped mine to understand the surgery and the recovery...and of course the results you could achieve. Have him watch the video of an actual surgery on YouTube so he will know what is going to happen during the surgery then have him watch some of the before and after videos of sleeve patients.

I had the sleeve on 9/19/2012...starting weight 235lbs...as of today 207 lbs! In one month I have lost 28. Lbs! the sleeve was the best thing that I ever did for myself! I am the mother of a 4 and 2 year old. Though there is a risk of fatality during any surgery including child birth sometimes the advantages out way the risk.

Hope this helps and good luck!

[Kdedeo 52]

Some guys can actually change their thinking. It helps if he thinks it is his idea. If you can work around the ego it can happen.

I was dead set against my wife's operation and had air-tight objections. Then I went to a support group to solidify my views by debunking all that was said. When I left I was planning my sleeving to the shock of my wife.

A man changing his mind is a miracle but miracles do happen.

That's so awesome! Good for you for being so open minded!

Sleeve date: Oct. 15. Sent from my Samsung Galaxy

[Kdedeo 52]

I understand what you are going through...my husband acted the same way. He actually told me no!

I reminded him that as much as I love him' date=' I do not take orders from him. It is my body and not his. I was the miserable one not him. My husband is a soccer player so he is in good shape so I want to be too.

We actually came to a compromise. I did 2 years of exercise and diet (had to do for insurance purposes anyway) and if I didn't lose the weight and keep it off he would accept the fact that I was having the surgery. You already tried something else and it didn't work so he needs to accept and support you in your weight loss journey and the surgery.

I don't know if this will help with your husband but it helped mine to understand the surgery and the recovery...and of course the results you could achieve. Have him watch the video of an actual surgery on YouTube so he will know what is going to happen during the surgery then have him watch some of the before and after videos of sleeve patients.

I had the sleeve on 9/19/2012...starting weight 235lbs...as of today 207 lbs! In one month I have lost 28. Lbs! the sleeve was the best thing that I ever did for myself! I am the mother of a 4 and 2 year old. Though there is a risk of fatality during any surgery including child birth sometimes the advantages out way the risk.

Hope this helps and good luck!

[/quote']

My husband & I compromised, too. I was ready a year ago, but he wanted me to wait a year & try it on my own. I worked hard and lost 26 pounds in a year. He saw how frustrated I was. Finally, I convinced him that now is the right time.

Sleeve date: Oct. 15. Sent from my Samsung Galaxy

[wdrake_98 22]

As my date is approaching, the stress is building in both of us. Another heated debate last night.

He says I haven't done enough to make him feel comfortable about the procedure.

Yet, then goes on to say things about the procedure that are just not true. Things he should have read in the literature I gave him.

So either he's not reading it, or he's reading it with a biased mind.

I don't know how to deal with either.

I've been such an independent woman my entire life, dealing with the shame and rejection of being overweight.

And now, just because I'm married, I'm suppose to plead, beg and comfort him? Very frustrating.

[Ready 2 Fly 22]

Did you suggest he go to the doctor with you and ask all the questions he wants? Or explain that you love him dearly and would very much like to be there with him healthy and fit and happy in the future; and that this procedure will ensure that this goal of a lifetime together will happen. I hope very much that everything works out for you. Hugs!!!

[KickRocks 163]

I am dealing with the same thing. ((HUGS)) I have been in tears all day. The sad part was he was supportive at first and now it’s like "whatever". I don't know what else to do. I still have a few more months before surgery but I'd like to have his support now during these supervised diet months.

Even if he don't agree with the surgery I would appreciate if he would tell me what's going on in his head! Just don't shut me off.