Hubby Is Mad

[wdrake_98 22]

So I'm scheduled for Oct 31 for my band to sleeve conversion.

Timing and pricing is so perfect for everything, but my hubby is not on board with the surgery at all.

I was trying to be understanding to his concerns, and prove to him that risks of the surgery are worth the potential weight loss for me.

I know he loves me, and has a hard time communicating his feelings at times, so I'm seeing his actions as just being a man. I think he's worried, he'll be a widow.

I need his support. I don't want to do this without his support. Even if he doesn't agree, I still feel like he should still be there to support me.

In an effort to passively bring up the fact that I'm getting the surgery, I told him that being a parent, is about loving your child, warning them about risks, hoping for the best, saying I told you so when you're right, but most importantly, always being there when they fall.

He was so mad he didn't even want to talk about it tonight. Time is ticking.

I just hope he comes around and doesn't make this about him and allows me to do this for me because I need and want to be healthy.

[Dooter 1,457]

Just let him cool off. He'll work it out in his mind, but it's a process. Hopefully what comes out of it will be realizing it's a good thing. When you feel he's had enough time, try to ask him specifically what his fears are. Not just that he's afraid you'll die.

[carbgrl 119]

I had a band to sleeve revision. Aside from the weight issue. I just knew I couldn't live the rest of my throwing up & sliming every day. The chances are you will have to have the band out at some point in your life. Probably better now when you're younger than later. I don't regret it at all even though my weightloss has been extremely slow. I would tell your husband you need his support because he's the most important person in your life. Your life partner.

[Finding MeMe 204]

My quesiton is does he do this often, shut down when he dosen't like the conversation. I would recommend staying firm and letting him know that you don't want to die either. You are doing as a last measure because you have tried everything with no success. Then show him before and after pictures along with stats good and bad about the sleeve. It sounds like he needs to be educated about the process because sometimes a lack of knowledge makes us act in strange ways. Good luck to you.

[doxieville 799]

Adding to Finding Memee's post....how do you communicate when he's been mad in the past?

Do you communicate over emial or text? I agree, let him cool down. Then maybe send him links about the dangers of the band. Send him some of the stories on here.

Depending on how he deals with anger in the past will help a lot of us guide you. Is he scared and doesn't know how to show it? Resentful of the money? Jealous? Is he overweight? What are your ages? 20's? 30's? 50's? If I sound like i'm asking for personal info, I am! Lol. But it's hard to help w/o knowing. If you don't feel comfortable sharing, which is totally ok, do a search on here for other hubby problems. Maybe that will help.

Good luck!

[Kdedeo 52]

My husband wasn't really on board at first either. I convinced him to go with me to my appointments and the class. I told him that we would gather all the information we needed and if there were still doubts, we could back out. He agreed & at those appointments & classes he learned why I can't lose weight on my own...why I need this tool. After everything, we talked and he was then on board. Give him time, ask him to come to your appointments & let him know how important his support is. Hopefully, he'll come around like mine did.

Sleeve date: Oct. 15.Sent from my Samsung Galaxy

[MeMeMEEE 206]

My husband said he didn't approve but he would be supportive while I was losing. I had major complications in the end. He still gives me alot of greif about having a surgery that almost killed me. I personally would do it again. I don't know what more I could have done to help him approve, he absolutely refuses to go to any meetings or support groups with me. I spent about a month in the hospital and he came up 2 times during my last stay of 3 weeks.

[Kdedeo 52]

I'm sorry he's not supportive. That can be rough. It sounds like he might be worried about more complications & he doesn't want to go through all that again. I suggest finding a girlfriend, sister, someone to be your support & let him be on the sidelines...it sounds like that's where he wants to be. Don't try to force him to respond...it will be on his timeline. I hope you have other support, though. I can't imagine doing this alone. Even with a supportive husband, this forum helps me tremendously! Good luck! Keep us updated! I hope everything goes well.

Sleeve date: Oct. 15. Sent from my Samsung Galaxy

[bumbles 11]

My doctor suggested the sleeve last december. My husband, nor anyone in my family or closest friends were on board with me, so I discarded the idea. Then in July, with more health issues creeping up on me, I decided to do it. I told my husband exactly that. He then was on board. I made him go with me to my Drs appts. The DR flat out told him that it would add 10 - 15 years to my life. From that point on, my husband has been such a dear, helping me 100%

Good Luck....you have to take care of yourself first - only you can do that!!!

[sexyoperaboy 1]

you are very brave. I'm going through the same thing with my partner. Its hard not to have the support from the person you need it from the most. Be strong. he will come around in his time.

[wdrake_98 22]

I just read my pre op package and it included a section on the emotional issues that many patients have experienced after the sleeve. The last topic was divorce, and said that many patients end of getting divorced. Scary.

[Kdedeo 52]

I just read my pre op package and it included a section on the emotional issues that many patients have experienced after the sleeve. The last topic was divorce' date=' and said that many patients end of getting divorced. Scary.[/quote']

Yeah, I read that in mine, too. It is scary. I plan on not being one of those statistics if I can help it.

Sleeve date: Oct. 15. Sent from my Samsung Galaxy

[gaye jarvis 751]

Your husband needs to talk to my husband, I had this surgery because of so many health problems and the shear fact that I felt like crap every darn day, now that I have lost 87 lbs my husband is like a kid with a new toy, he says he feels like he's having an affair every day!

[MoreganK 164]

My fiance was scared when I talked to him about the surgery, but he knew it was important to me. He let me make the decsion, and then stood by my decision with me after I showed him all the facts. I sent him websites, links, and news articles showing all the research I had done about sucesses, and talked with him about the fail rates and the negative aspects of what I could face and told him that despite all those fears I had, I was still passionate about this. He told me later that he realized when I was ready to face a fear, and put myself in such an uncomfortable place for this surgery, and had spent so much time researching the negative with the postitive he understood it was important to me.

I don't know if tell you my story will help you, but maybe. I hope that he can find a way to understand how important this surgery is to you. Good luck!

[gmanbat 5,889]

Some guys can actually change their thinking. It helps if he thinks it is his idea. If you can work around the ego it can happen.

I was dead set against my wife's operation and had air-tight objections. Then I went to a support group to solidify my views by debunking all that was said. When I left I was planning my sleeving to the shock of my wife.

A man changing his mind is a miracle but miracles do happen.