Why Are We So Embarrassed?

[MsVeDub 32]

Hello all. I have only been a part of this forum for a week or so. I am SO happy that I found a place where I can read real experiences and find a place where people understand my struggles. It shows I am not alone.

But I have a question – and this is no means to start an argument – it seems some people love to make a battle, and I don’t intend this to be one.

This is what I want to know. Why are we embarrassed to tell others (outside of our family – sometimes within) about the journey we are on or have done? Why do we allow others to make us feel that we should be ashamed or feel bad that we have chosen WLS? Most of us already feel bad that we are overweight – yet we allow the fact that we are doing something about it make us feel ashamed? I just don’t get it. (Of course if you are just a private person, this doesn’t apply – this is only intended for those who are feel ashamed or have a low self-esteem regarding the WLS)

I’m not saying tell everyone you know, but why “hide” it? Of course we are going to hear negative comments, opinions and even the horror stories. But guess what? It’s your decision – your body – your life. Just let those comments go from one ear and out the other. Then remember not to talk to those people about it again. You will find that you will get so many people supporting you. More people will support your decision and your journey then you think. Then guess what – it keeps you accountable. Others will keep you going with all of the positive comments. “Girl, you are looking GOOD”, “Man, you are smokin’”. You will start feeling SO good with all of the comments you will receive. Of course you will get these comments even if they don’t know – but my point is….you will have the biggest support system you could even dream of. Then all of those that were negative, prove wrong. Allow them to eat crow. Don’t be ashamed of what you are doing. EVER.

I use this as an example. I am in an interracial marriage. I dare someone to say something negative about my husband or child. I also dare them to do the same about me. YOU control how people treat you. Be proud of yourself no matter what.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

Actually, it is us that are embarrassed about this. Others can not make you feel anyway, only if you give them the power too.

[nursemom0430 4]

I tell EVERYONE that I had weight loss surgery. All the girls (even guys) at work ask me almost daily how much I have lost and I LOVE the compliments that I'm starting to recieve. However, I have a friend that did not tell anyone except her husband that she was having the sleeve surgery, not even her children. She was afraid that something would go wrong and people would tell her she shouldn't have done it or talk down to her for choosing this journey.

[Ready4success 380]

I've told everyone. I don't make a big deal out of it, and neither does anybody else. People have surgery everyday, I know this for fact, because I'm an OR nurse. :-)

[TiDubb 11]

Hello all. I have only been a part of this forum for a week or so. I am SO happy that I found a place where I can read real experiences and find a place where people understand my struggles. It shows I am not alone.

But I have a question – and this is no means to start an argument – it seems some people love to make a battle, and I don’t intend this to be one.

This is what I want to know. Why are we embarrassed to tell others (outside of our family – sometimes within) about the journey we are on or have done? Why do we allow others to make us feel that we should be ashamed or feel bad that we have chosen WLS? Most of us already feel bad that we are overweight – yet we allow the fact that we are doing something about it make us feel ashamed? I just don’t get it. (Of course if you are just a private person, this doesn’t apply – this is only intended for those who are feel ashamed or have a low self-esteem regarding the WLS)

I’m not saying tell everyone you know, but why “hide” it? Of course we are going to hear negative comments, opinions and even the horror stories. But guess what? It’s your decision – your body – your life. Just let those comments go from one ear and out the other. Then remember not to talk to those people about it again. You will find that you will get so many people supporting you. More people will support your decision and your journey then you think. Then guess what – it keeps you accountable. Others will keep you going with all of the positive comments. “Girl, you are looking GOOD”, “Man, you are smokin’”. You will start feeling SO good with all of the comments you will receive. Of course you will get these comments even if they don’t know – but my point is….you will have the biggest support system you could even dream of. Then all of those that were negative, prove wrong. Allow them to eat crow. Don’t be ashamed of what you are doing. EVER.

I use this as an example. I am in an interracial marriage. I dare someone to say something negative about my husband or child. I also dare them to do the same about me. YOU control how people treat you. Be proud of yourself no matter what.

I hear what you are saying and agree with you; however, it is easier said than done. It is not so much of letting other people dictate how you feel or about having low self esteem. I think, in my case, I had to come to terms that I allowed myself to get where I was at and struggled with accepting that I could not do it on my own. So when you are feeling like that and you tell people and if their reaction is not positive-it kind of reaffirms that feeling. So, if you don't want to feel that uncomfortable feeling then you choose not to tell.

I recently jumped off the cliff and told my two closest friends (mind you I shared with my husband, mom, and a small select few). I knew there reaction was not going to be one of jumping for joy for me. They are very active in exercise (I use to be active with them: running, cycling, etc.) so naturally their belief is I could have done it the old fashion way. When I told them...they were silent: cricket-cricket. Even though I was prepared for their reaction I was disappointed that they proved me right. They said just that, you could have done it on your own. I told them no, honestly I couldn't and I tried. It felt really good to defend my decision and be okay with their reaction. We are still friends- I have been friends with them a long time and the truth of the matter is I didn't NEED their support--I just wanted it.

So I said all that to say, yes you are right in that it is our decision, our right, our body, and our life. Yet, their is a story behind the feelings and it is up to each person to confront them and be okay. Also, keeping it quiet for a little while is not always a bad thing. You keep the negativity at bay while you are focusing on a new healthy "you". Whew...did not mean for this to be so long. I hope this helps others who are struggling with this issue.

[amberosia02 22]

I can relate to this as well. My BMI was on the lower end when I had surgery, and some of the people that I did tell would make comments like "you don’t need surgery" or "your not that over weight" or "you can do it on your own".

So it did make me feel reluctant to put it on blast that I had the surgery. It wasn't until about 9 months out when I realized that it really didn’t matter what others in my life thought, I did it for me, not for them. And I know it was the best decision.

[Susie in Lima 320]

I have been pleasantly surprised at the support and encouragement that I have received from the people whom I have told. I didnt make a big Facebook post about it and tell the world but I have told the majority of people I work with, run around in social circles with and of course all of my family. I have not gotten not even one single negative comment about it.

It does seem like when I go to outings or see friends, I am the topic of conversation, with them asking how I am, how much I have lost, what I can eat now etc.

It has been helpful for me to have told those people because when we get invited to their house, I dont have to worry about them being offended if I dont eat or if I bring my own food.

I am not advertising it to the world, but I am definitely not ashamed should anyone ask.

[AngelBaby 153]

I've told everyone. I don't make a big deal out of it' date=' and neither does anybody else. People have surgery everyday, I know this for fact, because I'm an OR nurse. :-)[/quote']

I am an OR nurse too and I've told all my friends at work and anyone that asks. It's amazing how many medical professionals are VERY poorly informed about WLS and most have never heard of VSG. LOL I love to educate

[justbeth 18]

I tell everyone as well...I don't know...I'm too excited...I don't care what they think....I'm shouting it to the rooftops...I HAD WEIGHTLOSS SURGERY!!!

[LDallas 108]

My surg is oct 25. I told hubby, brother, and two BFF. Perhaps later i will "announce" but for now, that's the extent of the telling. Reason? I don't want to be the poster child for VSG..answering questions, explaining the pre ond post op stuff over and over ..i've been a wt loss failure my entire life, maybe at this too...since i'm pre op there's still room to change my mind...most everyone i know is very physically fit and i dont want a barage of suggestions and work out routines (trying to persuade me out of vsg)...i'm sort of new to my town, and i dont want to explain to all these new friends how i've struggled with weight my ENTIRE LIFE. These are just conversations i dont feel like having. The entire process is overwhelming on it's own without this added dimension. These are MY reasons. Maybe afterwards i'll be VSG GIRL and tell anyone who'll listen.

Hope this gives you a different perspective on the "non tellers"!

[NDN_RN 527]

I have told 3 people, my husband, my BFF and my 19 year old daughter. All the support I need. I am a very private person, telling my coworkers anything about my life...NO. Telling my parent and the rest of the kids, no. Didnt want to worry them. How will I explain my weightloss? Self discipline and determination, which is true. I am not embarrassed or ashamed, I am pretty proud of myself, but this is my journey, no one elses. My cheering section of 3 is all I need.

[DanaMomto3 145]

I will tell people after or closer to my surgery date. I am not embarassed, I just did not want to spend 6 months talking about it. I am a pretty quiet person abput my personal life, even though I know my firends will all be supportive.

[Tamara Carter 22]

All my classmates know I am having the surgery. They are my support group. They have known since the beginning that I am trying to lose weight.

[Frza 194]

For me I think u have an underlying fear that I will fail at this. That would be incredibly painful and doubly so if the whole knew that I failed at what is considered to be 'the easy way'.

I didn't want my employer to know, I imagine there would be some judgement there. "She can't use good judgement and make good decisions in personal life, how can't she be trusted to make them at work".

Obviously I have some issues to work on concerning failure. It's probably not so much about others judging me but rather my feelings about myself. It's hard for me to not see this surgery as a monument to my failure.

[Tipintx 41]

I failed with the lap band so I agree that the fear of being unsuccessful again is just a dreadful feeling. But I am quite upfront with people about it. I have a very large family (8) siblings and they all know.

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