No support from friends.

[sherilynn 1]

I'm not scheduled yet for suergery, and I was going to hold off on telling my boyfriend until that time. I was afraid of him giving me comments about the surgery (we have a friend who did bypass and he has comments about her all the time). But, being the HONEST girlfriend that I am, told him this weekend that I've started the process. Well - I should have waited. He did pass those comments, how I will just continue to eat the same foods (mind you, I do eat healthy for the most part...just too much!), just slower and won't loose weight with the band. His actual quote is "Everyone who has to loose weight - the answer is simple, DON'T EAT!" Mind you; he's holding onto 100lbs himself. He has done Atkins, and has been very successful; but gains it back after time. He's saying this as I was online yesterday reading this forum, for about 5 hours. So, I was taking some of your 'come backs' and using them. Today I went about telling my best girlfriend by asking her if she ever heard of the Lap Band. She said "SHERI! You can loose weight without this crap! You've done it before on WW, you can do it again!" She is holding about 50 lbs or so. The only ones in TOTAL support of me are my parents. Theyv'e seen me do the Weight Watchers 100 times and loose weight to gain it back again.

So now I'm thinking: "Can I do this without surgery"? I'm doing the yo yo back and forth in my mind. Sure, I can loose the weight, I KNOW how to eat, what to eat, how to 'get moving for excercise, etc. But I think it will be more of a struggle witout getting banded. I see how many of you loose a bunch of weight pre-surgery...and that would get me motivated. In the end, I think the band will be like a personal 'coach'...who doesn't let me get away with sneaking extra food, etc. Wow, I really feel horrible I even said anything to either of them. What scares me is that if I have such little support now...how bad will it be AFTER surgery? ....Just adding to my stress.

[jahair 0]

I'm not scheduled yet for suergery, and I was going to hold off on telling my boyfriend until that time. I was afraid of him giving me comments about the surgery (we have a friend who did bypass and he has comments about her all the time). But, being the HONEST girlfriend that I am, told him this weekend that I've started the process. Well - I should have waited. He did pass those comments, how I will just continue to eat the same foods (mind you, I do eat healthy for the most part...just too much!), just slower and won't loose weight with the band. His actual quote is "Everyone who has to loose weight - the answer is simple, DON'T EAT!" Mind you; he's holding onto 100lbs himself. He has done Atkins, and has been very successful; but gains it back after time. He's saying this as I was online yesterday reading this forum, for about 5 hours. So, I was taking some of your 'come backs' and using them. Today I went about telling my best girlfriend by asking her if she ever heard of the Lap Band. She said "SHERI! You can loose weight without this crap! You've done it before on WW, you can do it again!" She is holding about 50 lbs or so. The only ones in TOTAL support of me are my parents. Theyv'e seen me do the Weight Watchers 100 times and loose weight to gain it back again.

So now I'm thinking: "Can I do this without surgery"? I'm doing the yo yo back and forth in my mind. Sure, I can loose the weight, I KNOW how to eat, what to eat, how to 'get moving for excercise, etc. But I think it will be more of a struggle witout getting banded. I see how many of you loose a bunch of weight pre-surgery...and that would get me motivated. In the end, I think the band will be like a personal 'coach'...who doesn't let me get away with sneaking extra food, etc. Wow, I really feel horrible I even said anything to either of them. What scares me is that if I have such little support now...how bad will it be AFTER surgery? ....Just adding to my stress.

Sheri, The most well meaning people will ask you if you can't do it by pushing back from the table, drinking more Water and exercising more. Those that are threatened by any change in the status quo will often times say the same thing. What makes it so hurtful to hear is because this is the same thing we are asking ourselves over and over again.

Many of us who decided on the lapband did so not because we didn't know how to lose weight, we did it because the weight always found us again! It wouldn't stay lost.

I wanted to have some support for my determination to get control of my weight and to maybe have a life where I could be supported in keeping appropriate Portion Control without having to eat the same low-fat, low carb foods forever.

Ultimately, the decision is yours and maybe the initial support may have to come from your parents. But don't forget you have found the LBT and there are way many of us who would be honored to support you. :clap2:

Best of luck and keep posting on this journey.

Jo Ann

[Denise2 0]

Dear Sherilyn,

I am going to be banded on October 15th. I started my journey just like you. Our story is so similar that I can sign my name to your entry. Really getting the band is about nobody but your relationship with yourself. No one else is inside your head feeling what you are feeling on a daily basis. It is up to you to make decisions which are good for you and the way you want to live. I have been on evey diet and WW a thousand times. Like you, intellecutaly I know how to loose weight but it goes further than that for people who are obese. We need something else "like a coach" to help us also to maintain the weight lose long term. The bigger picture is your health. Do your friends/boyfriend understand that you want to be healthy and not risk heart attacks and other significant health issues down the road. Take care of you. Not everyone knows that I am going to get banded. I told my husband who at first thought I was crazy but after I explained that I want to live and not be ill he understood. If your parents are supporting you then maybe it is an option for you. Good Luck. Make yourself happy not others.

[kareyquilts 1]

The night before I was banded, my best friend and her husband came over to wish me luck, etc. However, they also said, you know, Karey, you look nice just the way you are. People don't want you to change, because they are worried that your personality will change. Maybe you won't like them as much if you lose weight or they will feel heavier around you, etc. Everyone wishes that they could lose weight without surgery. I am frustrated about some things about the band, but it is a proven and safe way to lose weight. It is hope when everything feels hopeless. I only wish I would of done this years ago.

[coltonwade 27]

I Just sent you a PM ... I am also going through the same thing ...

I am not banded yet. I just got this little comment via email from my BF a few days ago

"My desire would have been that you exhausted all other efforts first. I know you say you've done a few things.... but with the money you have you could invest in joining the gym, hiring a personal trainer, joining Jenny Craig.... you could do ALL of those things and probably lose the weight on your own and then you'd be SO proud of yourself. You self-esteem and confidence would be SO high and you could show the world that you could do it on your own. It'd be healthier, safer and it would have been worth the time and money to at least give it a 6 month commitment before doing the surgery. I'd CERTAINLY be in your cheering section, cheering you on, encouraging you... shoot, I'd join the gym too if I could. I just know how easy it is for all of us to find the "quick fix", the fastes way out.... but you should weigh every other option first. If you were dedicated to fitness and health for a steady 6 months and you didn't see ANY change (which YOU would see a change) then I'd TOTALLY support the idea.... but I think you'd be surprised. You're so down on yourself that you don't think you could be successful but you're not even trying.... doing some walking, yoga and a little home exercise isn't gonna cut it. It just won't."

My comment to her was " I am DOING This on my OWN , the band is simply a tool to help me . and TRUST ME I will be PLENTY PROUD Of MYSELF when I loose 100lbs . Because when I do it will BE ON MY OWN" . I Send her some info on surgery , a link to OH to look at before and after pics . And some other info . Most of the time the negativity is because of lack of education about the surgery is what i have found. But after the help from this group as well as others I have found that after a bit of a nervous breakdown (LOL) Its just best to try to not argue with them . I try to only tell those who I KNOW are going to be supportive . IF i dont know I wont tell them .

I really wish I had thought about not telling anyone ... But that really wasnt something I had thought about until I came on this board and then I thought " NOW I know why people do that ". I See why now .

anyway I hope that helps

Mindy

[chattanoogabrat 0]

Dear Sherilyn,

I am sorry to hear about the lack of support I have some sisters in that area. My mom has passed away but you have to make this decision for you. Its not the easy way out it still takeas alot fo work and effort.

I went to my first support group meeting here in Chattanooga before I was banded. I am debating about going tonight since I am 3 days post op deciding if I can sit that long. I think I am going to go and bring my pillows with me as I am still sore.

We are here to support you in any way we can and alot of times that people say its the easy way out has no idea on what goes on with the lapband or what you must do it for you.

The decision has to be yours, my partner does support in every step of the way and has taken such great care of me. He let me reach this decision on my own to do it or not do it.

Do what is right for you not what other people think is right you have to live with it not them!!

[Wheetsin 714]

So now I'm thinking: "Can I do this without surgery"?

I stewed with this debate for a while, until I realized something. Yes - I could lose the weight on my own. I'd done it, a few times. Therein was the problem. I was constantly in a state of "losing" or "gaining" - no "maintaining". I would break a diet and go up from there, or go on a diet and go down from there. So they way I saw it was that the band was going to be there. *I* was going to lose the weight, *it* would help me maintain.

You talking about doing WW a hundred times, yet here you are, so I'm guessing you're in a similar boat - being able to lose, but not maintain. Think of how nice it will feel to have a reasonable amount of confidence that this time, when you lose the weight, it's staying off...

Coltonwade - your friend (you said "bf" then said "she" so I'll just leave it at "friend" ) has no understandong of obesity. We have the money for gyms, trainers, meal programs, etc. So? That just meant I could buy whatever fattening food I wanted, or go to whatever expensive restaurants whenever I wanted, and not have to think twice about it. Or it meant that I plopped down the $2000 for an annual family gym membership that got used a little bit for a month or two. People who haven't walked in your shoes don't understand that hunger, or lack of knowledge, or lack of stationary bicycles has nothing to do with being obese. And I object to the "do it on your own" mentality, because I went through it, and I see how stupid it is. I have the band, and I'm still doing it on my own. If I didn't take ownership and make good choices, I'd still be nearly 400 lbs. All my band does is moderate my portions, and give me a slap on the wrist when I do something stupid. It doesn't nothing to keep me away from ice cream, milkshakes, puddings, candy, or other evils that would insist still trying to make my butt fit into a size 34 pant.

I hate that people discredit our efforts at weightloss because we have LB. So farkin what? Anyone who says "it's the easy way out" has obviously never spent 2 hours sliming, hoping to irp the food back up so you can breathe normally again, and get the "nails driven through my spine" feeling to subside.

[want2lose 1]

Mindy,

That email reads almost word for word the conversation my DH & I had once he realized I really wanted to have this surgery. He wanted to hire me a personal trainer (like on Biggest Looser) and after 6 months of boot camp type training, I would lose the 85lbs. I had just finished typing out my weight loss history, documenting over 10 years of medication, WW's, and even a personal trainer. All for nothing. I was at the same weight that I was 10 years ago. Sure there were lots of ups & downs, but nothing that kept it off. I even completed a triathlon 2 years ago with the help of a trainer, and lost only 2 lbs while training daily (sometimes twice a day) for 2 months. I printed it out for him, and I think he finally understood my frustration. I have tried everything, and nothing worked for me. Yo Yo dieting is very bad for you, and I needed something to help me long term.

I feel your frustration. Because of my fear of more negative reactions, my DH is the only person that knows I was banded. Not my kids, not my sisters, not my parents or my friends. I just didn't want to hear their opinions.

Good luck! LBT can be a great source of support!

[Bella 0]

Good for you.

I'm not telling anyone but my HR lady at my job - but only because she has to see the doctors info. so I can prove I'm not sitting on the beach for 2 weeks! Hee hee!

I think regular people that have to lose 5 or 10 pounds - don't understand what it is to have a weight PROBLEM.

It's .. like having a gambling PROBLEM or a drinking PROBLEM etc...

I think for me ... I finally came to accept the fact that ... I am powerless over food. It's like a drug for me!

Hard to admit - but true. :think

[coltonwade 27]

Mindy,

That email reads almost word for word the conversation my DH & I had once he realized I really wanted to have this surgery. He wanted to hire me a personal trainer (like on Biggest Looser) and after 6 months of boot camp type training, I would lose the 85lbs.

I finally told my mom and my "BF" that its not up to them to feel comfortable about my surgery . Its up to ME and its not for them to KNOW How im going to feel that its all about me. Its not about THEM , it has nothing to do with them , it has nothing to do with how they feel about my surgery . I told my mom , "Ya know there is a reason why they call people who are a certain amount of wt over wt or have a BMI Of what ever # MORBIDLY OBESE Cause it can KILL YOU " I think they have issues because I have been overwt for 6 yrs. I guess that isnt enough time for them. Again its not about THEM , its about me , im not going to wait for something to happen to me. With having PCOS as well it makes it that more difficult to loose. Im not going to wait for something to happen , im taking action now.

Mindy

[TexasTerry 0]

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Like going to Weight Watchers again for the n-tenth time to only gain it all back plus some.

My band doc mentions in his seminar that obesity is recognized as a disease. Why would you not want the best treatment for it? For me that treatment is the band.

Terry

[jojo41 0]

Sherilynn.....it looks like you've opened up a "can of worms".

Could it be that your BF (holding onto 100lbs) and your best girlfriend (holding onto 50lbs) are just jealous that if you have LB surgery that you will FINALLY loose your unwanted weight?

Could they be worried that you losing your excess weight will put them OUT of their comfort zone?

I'm sure they both love you "just the way you are"...BUT you will LOVE YOURSELF more if you ignore their "helpful" comments and go ahead with what you feel is right.

My advice would be not to discuss the surgery with your friends.

LB Surgery is such a personal decision and not one THEY should make for you.

Coltonwade......If your BF is soooo convinced that getting a personal trainer and going to Jenny Craig is the answer then maybe he should give it a go himself.

As for me I've been there and done that.....the Lapband surgery has been the best thing I have ever done for myself and contrary to what your BF believes I AM proud of myself and I AM doing this on my own (no one else is exercising, eating healthy food, PBing, and trying to make appropriate choices everyday for me..... except ME).

Besides what's wrong with having "help" to lose weight.....is having help from a band any different to having help from Jenny Craig????

[La_madam 20]

So now I'm thinking: "Can I do this without surgery"? I'm doing the yo yo back and forth in my mind. Sure, I can loose the weight, I KNOW how to eat, what to eat, how to 'get moving for excercise, etc.

Sure you can , you have in the past according to your post with WW but that is not the question. The questions is can you lose the weight without surgery and KEEP IT OFF. Everyone of us here has lost weight without surgery but none of us kept it off that is why we got the band. I have been bandless for almost 11 months now and I have kept off all of my 100+ lbs I lost with my band, not easily I must add but I am doing it. All I can say is this, anyone who does not support you in this is not a true friend or lover. Plain and simple!

[coltonwade 27]

Coltonwade......If your BF is soooo convinced that getting a personal trainer and going to Jenny Craig is the answer then maybe he should give it a go himself.

As for me I've been there and done that.....the Lapband surgery has been the best thing I have ever done for myself and contrary to what your BF believes I AM proud of myself and I AM doing this on my own (no one else is exercising, eating healthy food, PBing, and trying to make appropriate choices everyday for me..... except ME).

Besides what's wrong with having "help" to lose weight.....is having help from a band any different to having help from Jenny Craig????

Sorry by BF I meant BEST FRIEND . Yes she has weight to loose herself. Granted its 10 or 20 lbs . I will be VERY PRoud of myself when i get my band. I have NEVER wanted ANYTHING so bad in my life. I HATE Cleaning and im cleaning houses every day to get the money , I LOVED Smoking after 15 yrs I quit smoking . All to have this surgery . Im THE MOST UNMOTIVATED person in the world. BUT I WANT THIS SURGERY And I WILL GET IT . I like your quote about help from Jenny Craig im going to use that next time my best friend says something like that. I DO know one thing. This whole surgery thing has REALLY made me reevaluate friendships ... To ME because I will support someone 100% if that's what makes THEM happy because i belive that's what a friend is. And seeing the way some people have reacted to my choice to have this surgery has made me RETHINK having them in my life.

Mindy

[Moody Coverhous 0]

My husband had doubts about the surgery and wanted me to ask our family doctor before I "did anything drastic." I had thoroughly researched lap-band surgery and decided I didn't need anyone's permission to do what I thought was best for my health. I remember thinking, "this is something I can live with." I mean really live with - being morbidly obese and feeling miserable with high-blood pressure, heart problems (a heart stent under my belt), joint pains, unable to sleep etc. was going to kill me, and I felt, in the not-too-distant future. No regrets here and my husband is my biggest supporter.

P.S. Several of my co-workers had lap-band surgery. Another co-worker walked up and heard another woman and me discussing lap-band. He said, "What is this, the latest FAD for weight loss?" (It was clear he did not approve.) Without hesitation, we both blurted out, "Yep", looked at each other and burst out laughing. He shut up and walked away. I don't care if others don't approve - it's my life and health after all.

Moody

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