How Did You Tell Your Spouse About This Decision?

[DreamsOfSkinny 53]

Well another curious post I have... How did you tell your spouse of wanting to get sleeved? I have no idea how to go about this as we've been together for 5 yrs with me struggling with my weight the entire time and he is only slightly overweight and hasn't been his whole life like me. I feel like he can't fully relate to this.....I'm tired of losing and gaining and never feeling full and not being able to maintain on my own. I've never been within my healthy weight range since probably I was 5. I want my life! I want a life and don't want the weight to keep holding me back -- from getting my dream job, being confident, feeling sexy/better sex life with my hubby, exercise easier, feel better, wear the clothes I want, be looked at as normal and can hang out at a variety of events.

[chris54 106]

I have been married for over 20 years. When I began this journey I did not tell my husband I feel it is an individual decision. This process takes time to emotionally rap your mind around everything. Until I was confident that I was going to commit to the process and the surgery then I sat my husband down told him I was going to have surgery on 10/29/12. I explain my reasoning to have it, my research, my doctor's opinion and the length of time I had already invested in the possibility. He understood and realized that he too was about to embark on a journey. For me that was an acceptable initial response. I am sure as I go through the process Protein Shakes and me literally changing before his eyes will either bring out his acceptance or insecurities for us both I am aware that this could breakup the relationship. Why? Because after the surgery a new person will emerge, a person who has been hidden for a long time. For me the person who will check in at the hospital will not be seen again a new person will be checking out. The core of who I am will only remain. The new body will begin to emerge. I forgot to mention I only told my two best friends. Today a few more people know ( my sis, my son and daughter). Others will know after surgery, and there are others who will only know I am on a great weight loss program that is finally working lol. Make no mistake about it this decision will enhance what you have or not. For me it is a scarific worth risking. Its about a new healthier life for me. Good luck appreciate comments.

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

I had pretty much made up my mind that I was going to do it. I told my wife I heard about this procedure and asked her to do a little research for me. As she researched it she became pretty comfortable with the idea, not that she was excited about it, but she wasn't really afraid of it either. She knew that having this surgery would increase both the quality & quantity of my life. Plus with her researching it and relaying what she found (most of which I had already found through my research) she was more comfortable feeling she was involved in the decision.

[DreamsOfSkinny 53]

Hi OTR -- I see you went to Mexico for your surgery. How do you do follow up appointments?

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

Hi OTR -- I see you went to Mexico for your surgery. How do you do follow up appointments?

I can contact my surgeon by phone or Skype if I like, but honestly for the most part I just have my blood panels run & periodic exams by my local walk in clinic & I do a lot of research to educate myself.

I've never really been a fan of doctors offices or hospitals, so unless I feel something isn't right I avoid going.

[Cookeeeeez 269]

I didn't make the decision on my own It was recommended to me by a doctor, I told this to my partner and started researching it. We have a lot of time to think about it together and get used to the idea. I don't think I'd do it if he was very against it- partly because he's paying and partly because I'm still young enough to wait. I know I'll need his support through it as I'm very far away from my family

Anyway, point is it was a conversation for us, not a unilateral decision. good luck!

[sunshyneqtie 73]

I blurted it out. And then asked if he had any objections.

[Capt Derel 287]

I called her up and said go look at this website. Were scheduled, flights booked. Her reaction was "Ok I guess so" ~ in her uneasy voice lol

My decision was instantaneous when I saw the $4500 price tag instead of the $18000 USA one. I was saving up the $18000 actually and ran across this by an act of god. God must love me for some strange reason.

[notime 340]

I found an introductory session nearby and asked my husband to go with me. He did not only that, but has accompanied me to every meeting with the doctor, nutritionist and exercise therapist. He is very thin and active but has supported me unconditionally then and now.

[gaye jarvis 751]

We made the decision together, my husbands niece died on her 40th birthday last year from a heart attack due to her weight and I was heavier than she was. We have been married for 32 years and I have been overweight for 30 of them. We knew if I didn't do something drastic I would not be around much longer. I know that The Lord let me find out about this surgery to save my life!

[mwrarr 244]

I went in for my annual physical (w/a new dr) & when I expressed my sheer frustration with my weight, she asked if I'd ever considered surgery. I said, "hell no--no offense." so I was referrered to the eating therapy clinic for NUT & diet/lifestyle altering. When I got home that day, we did the daily catch-up & he asked me about my appt & I told him, "she ASKED ME if I wanted the surgery!!" I was just shocked to the point of laughing, bc it seemed so absurd that a dr would bring it up without making me beg for it...especially when I wanted no part if it.

That was January. Fast forward to June, gained 15-18# following the guidelines of the "medically assisted weightloss" program, had a recheck w/NUT & nearly had a meltdown over MORE gained weight. She explained that my metabolism was probably shot & I asked about surgery. She gave me a number/name to call, & I went about my day.

Later that day, I was sitting in the sun feeling miserable emotionally, spiritually & physically (hhhhhot! It's HARD to be a fatty in the sun!!) and mentioned the seminar to him. I said that I felt I at least needed to check it out & rule it out, so that I could get it out of my system. And he just said, "you want me to go with?" and that was it. As luck would have it, the seminar was that evening & we both had a rare night off. We walked into it thinking "LAPBAND" (bc no way was/am I comfortable w/RNY), and walked out with both of us just knowing that VSG was the answer.

So I guess the short answer (ha!! I'm *bad* at "short answers" btw) is that this has been a three year struggle that he's watched me drown in, & tried to help (mutual diet/gym/plans anyone?) me with, and a year long dialogue over how this needs to turn around, and somewhere in the last 3 months, the dialogue turned to surgery & how it would or could or might change the game.

[on the way to the new me 18]

I did my research first and scheduled the intro session and 2 days before I blurted it out one night at dinner. He was in shock and asked a lot of questions. He said he knew I was serious because I have had all the answers he asked for. He went to the session with me and has been my #1 supporter ever since!

[drexelgirl 45]

I brought mine to the seminar and showed him dr oz and other documented stuff.

[dadici 21]

Husband is quite thin, we've been married 9 years, I've been very large our whole relationship. About 8 months ago I asked what he would think of me looking into surgery, and he was very supportive. I feel like we're a team, if he had had major concerns I'm not sure I would have done it- this is both of our lives. I am happy that he is supportive and understands that this is something I'm doing so that both of our lives will be better and fuller.

[LindaS 316]

When I first looked into it, I asked my husband to go with me to an informational seminar. Neither of us went to that one. Almost two years later, I was heavier and more frustrated. I again asked my husband to attend the seminar with me.

The day of the seminar, he had to work late and was unable to go. He was a bit frustrated about that because he knew I was serious this time. I took my daughter instead. When we got home, I was able to talk to my husband about it. He didn't think I needed to do it, but he supported my choice. He did go to a pre-op support group meeting with me, and he was able to hear from people who had all of the different types of surgeries.

My husband knew my weight was a barrier for me because I had talked to him quite a bit about it. I actually wrote about it for my thesis when I got my master's degree in 2007, so my husband knew my concerns and worries even though he didn't see me as fat.

My husband was really worried about the surgery. He was worried something would happen to me. When I came out of recovery, I didn't look very good. I had told him the first day would be the worst day, but it still didn't prepare him. My blood pressure kept dropping and my heart rate was real low (in the 20s at one point) when I first got back to my room. I was out of it, and he didn't realize it was normal. I improved quickly, but he was worn out emotionally. By the time I was coming out of the surgery drugs, he was ready for a nap! LOL.